Tuesday, April 7, 2020
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Covid-19 Silver Lining & Self-Work
My friend posted the following opinion piece to social media. I'm copying and pasting it here and also will provide a link:
It’s
easy to forget, but we have some pretty serious traumas in our very
recent history. Just in the last 100 years we had two world wars, the
cold war, the Vietnam war and 9/11 (plus all the other violence,
environmental distress and genocide going on in the world today). Until
very recently when science began the study of epigenetics, we have had
very little understanding of how trauma can be passed down from
generation to generation and how it manifests itself as disease in the
body if left unaddressed for too long. Epidemics
like the Coronavirus are a very serious invitation for us to look at
the emotional material that is surfacing as more and more “war like”
conditions surround us (borders closing, mandatory quarantines, the
potential of martial law, etc.). My German grandmother — a WWII survivor
— never had the opportunity to consciously process the trauma of her
experience which means that if we believe energy is neither created nor
destroyed, only transformed — either my mother, myself or my children
will eventually have to consciously transform that energy and break the
chain.
What Psychedelics Told Me About The Coronavirus
An Empowering Message to Humanity from Ayahuasca
No
matter how complex a question I may have, when I take it to
psychedelics I always receive an answer. So when the Coronavirus
pandemic kicked into high gear, I brought the subject to my trusted
mentor Ayahuasca to be illuminated.
Ayahuasca
is an ancient shamanic plant medicine technology, consisting of 3
simple ingredients: a vine, a leaf and water. The ensuing brew is
consumed in a ceremonial context, and commonly referred to as “the
medicine.”
In
the visionary state, downloads around COVID-19 began pouring in and it
all began with the humble teachings of a tiny little insect known as the
caterpillar.
Did you know that a caterpillar will consume up to 300 times its body weight per day before entering the cocoon?
I
share this fun fact because, as the medicine showed me, we have reached
a moment in our human evolution where the clumsy, dense, survival
obsessed caterpillar stage of our collective human consciousness must
finally stop mindlessly consuming and surrender to the chrysalis, in
which everything it has known itself to be dissolves into mush.
Welcome to the “Corona Cocoon.”
Yup.
We are in the disintegration stage now where all the magic happens and
the next chapter of our human experience can transition into the era of
the butterfly; a being that is light, free, empirically exquisite and in
service to others (pollinators).
Let me illuminate how this is far more than a nifty metaphor.
Times
of crisis bring a tremendous opportunity because there is a “pattern
interrupt” to our collective, habitual ways of operating, most of which
are heavily anchored in excessive consumerism, distraction and a
relationship to productivity so unsustainable it has become violent,
both to our own minds, bodies and spirits, as well as to the mind, body
and spirit of our Earth. Which is — surprise surprise — a sentient being
as well and has its own consciousness.
The Coronavirus is the great equalizer.
As
the pause button on the rat race is pressed and so many things we take
for granted suddenly withheld, the opportunity in the apocalypse reveals
itself to those who are willing to detach from the panic enough to
actually listen to a deeper truth that is emerging from the wreckage.
Before
I dive into what that truth is for me (and of course, this is all my
perception and by no means empirical fact), I must first share the
fundamental framework of my lens on reality, so the following statements
have context.
In
the arena of personal development — an industry which I am very much a
part of — there is a term called “shadow work” that is very important to
understand.
SHADOW WORK
The
baseline world view here is that everything in our reality exists
because of a complex interplay between light and shadow, thus creating a
vast field of polarity in which consciousness can manifest itself.
Through an esoteric lens this interplay is captured by the Ying Yang
symbol, which exemplifies that each polarity contains within it a speck
of its opposite. From a quantum physics perspective we can explain the
same phenomenon through the language of vibration, of frequency. We can
measure the amount of light particles contained within each frequency.
The “lighter” or “higher” the frequency, the faster the oscillation, the
more information or light is contained within it. The “darker” or
“denser” the frequency, the slower the oscillation, the less light is
contained within it.
While
we in our culture have generally deemed the light to be “good” and the
shadow “evil” (just watch any Hollywood movie ever, it’s always about
“good vs evil”), neither are actually superior or inferior, they are
simply expressions of duality itself and give birth to the very nature
of our human existence. Yet our judgment of these
forces — which exist on the macro-level of the Universe as well the
micro-level within each individual human being — has condemned the
shadow to such a degree that it has become repressed, and therefore
dangerous — for any force that is repressed long enough will eventually
erupt — like a geyser under pressure — with equal intensity to restore
balance.
“Shadow
work” is the voluntary examination of one’s own internal darkness, or —
to put it in more psychological terms — the excavation of our
subconscious — which lacks the light of our conscious awareness and is
therefore hidden from view.
Most
human beings on the planet have no concept of “shadow work,” and even
those who do may not have the courage to voluntarily look into the dark
crevices of their own psyche. Repressed traumas, inherited fear
programs, undigested pain and all sorts of other disturbing and
uncomfortable revelations lie buried there, represented by the
metaphorical “boogie man” of our collective human unconsciousness.
And yet — no matter how much we ignore, reject and deny the shadow — it never disappears. In fact, quite the opposite is true. The very fear that keeps us from looking at it, is the same fear that feeds it.
I
believe, times like these are a collective wake up call to actively
participate in our shadow work or be swept away by the darkness once and
for all.
The Coronavirus is simply the trigger to force us into being with what has been there all along.
As a wave of fear permeates the collective, the shadow we’ve repressed
for generations can no longer be ignored. Until right now, we didn’t
have external circumstances dire enough to bring it to the surface. And
now that it’s here, we stand at a crossroads.
THIS IS A CHOICE POINT MOMENT OF EPIC PROPORTION.
Every
time I participate in a psychedelic experience — and especially when
working with Ayahuasca — I am confronted with the same question:
Do I succumb to the current operating system of “victim consciousness”? Or do I claim my “creator consciousness”?
VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS says, “I have no or very little personal power. I am at the whim of my external reality and things are happening to me
beyond my control. My fear based Ego must cling to any semblance of
control it can find in order to ensure its survival, and fight for that
control at all costs. I project blame externally, refusing to take
responsibility for my reality.”
CREATOR CONSCIOUSNESS
says, “I am infinitely powerful, precisely because I am ready to
relinquish my false sense of control and trust in the greater
intelligence of life (and death) itself. Everything I experience —
pleasant or not — is a result of some form of conscious or subconscious
co-creation. It is through taking full responsibility for my experience
that I liberate myself from victimhood.”
Truly,
at this stage of the game each individual human being is confronted
with the decision of which operating system to run. One is based in
fear, the other in love.
Whatever
narrative we choose to focus on moving forward will significantly
impact the quality of our human life moving forward. What a ripe
opportunity for massive transformation! The stakes have never been this
high.
Congratulations everyone. We are officially in the cocoon.
Before I illuminate both the gifts of LIGHT and the gifts of SHADOW
available within the “Corona Cocoon,” I want to say to anyone who has
had a loved one transition due to the Coronavirus, my heart goes out to
you. I sincerely hope that my perspectives on the situation don’t in any
way demean the pain of your loss. I also recognize that it may feel
almost impossible for many reading this to understand how this
devastating event could have a major silver lining, and that’s okay. I’m
not trying to convince anyone of anything.
My
intention is solely to share my perspective in order to support you in
making an internal choice that can have a lasting impact far beyond this
pandemic — which could end up being the most profoundly valuable thing
that has ever happened to you in your life. Again, it’s all up to you to
decide what you do with the information.
THE REALITY OF DEATH
Currently,
Earth is activating her defense mechanisms and — like a stern mother —
putting our insolent asses in time out, so we may come face to face with
the very thing we have been avoiding for so long: Our mortality. This
is also known as “being grounded.”
I’m
not just talking about being forced to confront the inevitable death of
our physical bodies, but also the death of our comfort zones, the death
of our false sense of security in regards to finances, food supply,
health care, government and international affairs.
Death
is really — at its core — the fear of the unknown. This is why those
who are doing authentic spiritual work are going to be less affected by a
crisis like the Coronavirus. If you’ve experienced yourself beyond the
physical dimension and connected to the infinite aspect of your
consciousness that will continue to exist long after your body has
deceased, there is no reason to fear death.
The
Coronavirus — an “invisible” threat — confronts us with our
relationship to the spiritual realms, which we cannot navigate with our
five senses.
Every time we open our Amazon boxes to pull out the next bulk order of toilet paper while wondering if the cardboard is contaminated, we are quietly confronted with the mystery of the invisible, unknown nature of reality.
Examining
our mortality is also an access point into more deeply understanding
the biologically ingrained survival mechanisms that run so much of our
day to day lives. Truth is, the vast majority of humans — regardless of
income bracket — do not feel safe and secure in the world, and are
plagued by anxiety and stress because of it.
Isn’t
it amazing that death — an initiation every single human being must
face eventually — is so taboo in our culture? No wonder we ignore and
suppress this fact, when nothing in our modern education systems
addresses the subject even in the slightest to prepare us for it.
Indigenous cultures create elaborate rites of passage for their youth to
confront and even embrace the reality of death, so they may be free
from the fear of it. Rituals around death were and are commonplace,
necessary initiations in ancient cultures. We have lost these ways.
Today, our fear of death has tampon commercials showing period blood as
blue instead of red, so we don’t have to face the truth. We can’t even
connect to the death of the animals we consume in such copious
quantities. Meat products are neatly shrink wrapped and disguised with
names like “hot dogs” and “burgers” so we don’t have to think about the
reality of the sacrifices we so casually pull off the grocery shelf
while scrolling through our instagram feed. There is no more tangible
connection to the cycles of life and death that occur in the natural
world, and that connection is now ready to re-awaken, bringing with it
the hard yet sweet realization that:
Nothing is guaranteed.
When
we truly embrace the truth that we are all going to die, that life is a
profound gift and each breath is a privilege — every moment becomes
infinitely precious.
THE PURGE
In
the ancient, shamanic healing tradition of Ayahuasca the purge is a
very sacred and crucial component to “getting well.” Fighting the purge
is hell. Relaxing into the purge, truly surrendering to it, that is the
medicine.
I
see trauma as a zip file of information, which contains valuable
lessons within it. Unpacking it might feel like trying to diffuse a very
dangerous bomb, but if I can truly trust that the trauma is here to
serve a greater purpose and my only job is to be brave enough to really
feel it fully once and for all, the suffering disappears and only gifts
remain. I believe the remnants of the collective trauma that we’ve
acquired in our human history is now ready to be purged and transmuted,
and so it makes sense that we would subconsciously evoke conditions
similar to those that created the trauma in the first place. Only this
time, instead of having to go to the front lines and fight in battle, we
get to do the inner work in the comfort of our own homes.
SCARCITY & MONEY
Now
is the time to look at our fears and especially our scarcity programs.
The “not enough” conversations that are happening externally in the form
of “not enough toilet paper,” “not enough supplies,” “not enough
income,” “not enough hospital beds,” “not enough flights” are an
amplified reflection of our incessant, internal scarcity conversation
that keep so many of us locked into the rat race of our modern
lifestyles.
“The world is caught up with the non‐essential, and yet it yearns for the essential.” — Richard Rudd
There’s
a massive reset button being pushed on the financial system right now
and it is a huge opportunity to come into greater integrity with how we
generate revenue. Yes, the Coronavirus will have a devastating impact on
small and large businesses, as millions of people are laid off due to
the government ordered shut down, AND — using the example given in a
recent Wall Street Journal article of “…the entrepreneur who invested
his life in his Memphis ribs joint only to see his customers vanish in a
week…” — there was a hidden, denied truth in that business that can no
longer be ignored, which is the quality of life of the animals whose
ribs are being consumed for profit in the first place.
I
am not vegan, nor do I believe humans should never eat animals, but I
do believe that the lack of awareness, consideration and empathy for the
quality of life (and death) of the animals we consume requires serious
and immediate attention, and anyone who is not actively participating in
the conversation of humane treatment and sustainability while making
money off of meat or any other natural resources, will eventually be
forced to do so. Obviously not all businesses require the death of
living things, but most businesses exist to sell “inessentials,” aka
“shit we don’t need” — and so in this purge, I see a tremendous
extinction of the nonessential sweeping across our economy. How many
shipping containers full of products to stock malls and Amazon warehouse
shelves are truly enriching our human experience? This may be a very
unpopular opinion, but if a business dies because of the Coronavirus,
there is a very real possibility that:
A) It wasn’t truly providing essential value in the first place.
B) The value it was providing had an unacceptable cost to it (which was being paid for by the Earth itself), and / or…
C)
The time for a new, potentially more omni-considerate creative idea is
ready to express itself through those involved in that business, and
it’s time to innovate and move on.
This
topic of sustainability also ties back into the scarcity conversation,
because if whatever job or venture we are accustomed to making a living
from suddenly disappears, perhaps it’s because a deeper purpose for our
unique skills, gifts and talents wants to emerge and only a scarcity
mindset would insist on seeing the disappearance of one opportunity as a
dead end, when in truth there are infinite ways in which each
individual can reinvent themselves. So many people work just for a
paycheck without ever stopping and asking “what value can I contribute
to the world that nourishes my soul in exchange? What is actually my
Full Fuck Yes?” This is the time to ask those questions, for finally the
distractions are removed enough for us to begin receiving an answer.
Will it be easy? Likely not, although anything is possible.
Will
it happen overnight? No. True change takes time, repetition and
dedication. But a very real quantum leap can happen in the next few
weeks and months, and with the internet, there is no shortage of
guidance, education and tools available to anchor in a permanent,
internal shift.
This
is also a time where we might see unprecedented acts of generosity and
kindness amongst humans. Unlike all the other pandemics we’ve seen so
far, we are all in this one together. The opportunity for the global
human family to show up for each other right now is huge, and the joy of
both asking for as well as receiving support is available everywhere we
turn.
MAKE D.O.P.E ART
My
mother and I were talking about how the Coronavirus might affect arts
and culture, which many would argue are “inessential” to human survival
and were wiped out in Germany during WWII. The big difference today is
technology. All you need to plug into a vibrant, abundant buffet of
creativity is an internet connection and a smartphone, and within
seconds you can share your voice and tune into the hearts and minds of
the 3.5 billion human beings who are online in 2020.
Human
survival isn’t just the physical component, we must nourish our
emotional, mental and spiritual bodies as well, and right now technology
is our ally in that because it doesn’t adhere to borders, boundaries
and “shelter in place” laws. I see the Coronavirus unleashing a creative
supernova of new ideas, visions and voices as we start claiming our
capacity to Make D.O.P.E (Daring, Original, Personal, Expression) Art,
which can manifest itself as anything from writing an epic love song to
incubating a sustainable business to rearranging your pantry to reflect
back to you a healthier mindset.
Our contributions to the collective narrative can either be saturated with fear, or drenched in compassion and optimism.
Coming full circle back to the beginning of this article, now is the time to choose which operating system you will run.
If
you do decide to opt out of the victim consciousness and claim your
creator consciousness, know that you are signing up for a deep,
spiritual journey into the depths of yourself. The process begins with
intention. The intention to truly know yourself. To be with all aspects
of yourself, no matter how unpleasant some of them might feel. We will
require community and guidance on this journey, even though at the end
of the day, no one can do the work for us. I have compiled a list of
free resources that have been incredibly supportive on my journey for
you to tangibly begin this process, you can find them here: www.The-FFY.com/resources
The
profound gift in all of this? You have been given the opportunity to
see how powerful your lens on reality truly is. How much it impacts your
experience. How deeply it affects the quality of your life, and the
well being of the planet itself.
In
times like these, new innovations emerge and you can contribute — right
now, from the comfort of your couch — to a brighter future for
generations to come, simply by consciously choosing to look within.
Stop looking for the answer. BE the answer.
Love,
Azrya
Find me on instagram @thefullfuckyes and @iazrya
I
read this above work aloud to my husband, who I felt, like me, needed
to receive these important, truthful messages. Moments after I finished
reading, a text arrived from my energist. She moved to Manhattan last
summer, and her synchronistic outreach was for the purpose of
encouraging her tribe to "use this time as an opportunity for
self-work." She continued to state: "So many people I know are
successfully clearing their past for a new future and are coming out
ahead. To help you, here is a free 10 minute meditation:"
Monday, January 29, 2018
Kundalini Kriya Yoga
Around 7:00 a.m. I sat cross-legged on the floor facing east, taking in some of the only sunlight I would take in on a day of seemingly endless downpours. As I began my practice, eyes closed, I was treated to the most magical bird singing just outside my sliding glass door. It lasted through the most important phases of the practice. My heart delighted in the sound, to me an auspicious signal of being on a good path. When I finally concluded my practice, I opened my eyes surprisingly to full overcast daylight. Not sure why it took me by surprise, I was aware I began my practice at sunrise. I am excited to further explore this practice!
On my way home after a late night with clients, I had a chance run-in with my teacher who initiated me yesterday in the Trader Joe's check out. Talk about synchronistic ...
Sunday, December 17, 2017
Today's New York Times UFO Disclosure
Monday, October 9, 2017
Original Quote
"The more disconnected we are from nature, the less we understand about ourselves." -B.W. Davis
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Friday, September 1, 2017
Sobering Thoughts
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| The map pin marks the Kelliwood Greens home my mom, dad and I built in the early 1990s. |
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| The red X marks the same Kelliwood Greens home as viewed from satellite via NOAA's flood map on Aug. 31 after the Barker reservoir failed due to Harvey's record precipitation event. |
I wanted to know specifically about our morning routine. My memory has faded and even though my mom has three decades on me, people tend to recall different things. Admittedly, I'm not generally one for the details, and I find importance in them now.
As it turns out, my mom could only recall what time she had to be at work along with my brother being a pain in the ass to get out of bed during high school. The latter I well recall, unfortunately.
My mom will be 73 come October, and has been living with a stage four cancer diagnosis since the summer of 2014. She is under the care of the head of oncology at SCCA and has been off chemo since May 2016.
The conversation at some point shifted to the recent solar eclipse. My mom's partner speculating about when the next one would be. My husband guessed and I interjected it would pass through Austin in seven years, and that we should go. Suddenly I realized that future time may be one absent my mom. An agonizing feeling gripped my heart along with the realization of how few others, who were part of my collective consciousness growing up, remain in my life now. Aside from my husband, my mom is really the only immediate family I have left.
Harvey hit last weekend as well. My mom and I reminisced a little about our time living in Houston. All week I've been obsessed with news coverage of the storm and subsequent, unprecedented floods.
The strange thing is, I don't really have anyone left in Houston either, not directly that I'm still connected with. Even so, I still feel for all the tens of thousands of people whose lives were disrupted and certainly even more so for those who perished as well as those left behind.
When I look a quarter century back, I am filled with feelings of joy as well as regret. My dad moved my mom and I to Houston at the start of my junior year in high school. My brother went off to California for his first year in college. I almost wrote that he was the more fortunate of us, and now I'm not so sure.
One of my nearest and dearest from my time in Houston, she and I have been distant for years and years. She had reached out to me ages ago on Facebook. I've since tried adding her as a friend. My request has yet to be accepted. Yesterday I wrote her a note just to acknowledge she's still in my heart and how delighted I would be if she wished to connect.
Yesterday I also discovered the home we built in West Houston, which my mom loves to remind me how I redesigned the front elevation so it would look more stately and unlike any other similar floor plan home in the area, was flooded. Our old neighborhood of Kelliwood Greens was under mandatory evacuation orders.
My past feels like it's being washed away and eroded. I take full responsibility for my part in that, for allowing connections I failed to hold dearer to wane and fade to nothing. Maybe this is what a mid-life crisis is? An existential quandary of soul to remain connected, healthy and relevant. These types of psychological upheavals tend to affect the male of our species much more than the female. Males tend to go a little bonkers, buy a nice car, have an affair or pretty much do anything to help anchor them to their youth or slow their prospect of aging. I would like to embrace where I'm at. Being able to revisit my past may be key to this. I don't know, this is uncharted territory. I've never been middle aged before and in this mindset.
Last night my husband and I had yet another quarrel about my illness, and the adverse impact it's having on my work/production. To say it feels so disenfranchising to be nearly five years ill with Lyme disease and co-infections and be expected to function at the level of a person with reasonable health is a gross understatement.
Most heavy this week was extraordinarily tragic news from my mom. Her great granddaughter of 15 months (on her partner's family's side) was rushed to the ER a couple days ago. She had been vomiting and had a history of seizures. At one point the baby's heart stopped and she was revived. The family slept at the ER Tuesday night in hopes that when the baby awoke all would be OK. At 4:30 a.m. Wednesday morning the doctors pronounced her brain dead after receiving her MRI results. They took her off of life support at 6:30 p.m. Wednesday evening. All family members who were present held this sweet, innocent baby girl in their arms one final time to say goodbye.
In all my blubbering around my challenges, nay, annoyances in my life, I cannot fathom the immense gravity of suddenly loosing such a young, innocent life. Her parents did all they could for her. The baby received good, regular medical care. They took her to the right place immediately. And yet ... These are the stories that put life into perspective for us. A soul perishing who had but a sliver of a history to wash away and has left dozens of people reeling in grief.
People suffer grief and loss from their parted connections. The deeper the connection, the greater the loss. The connections this child formed with those she touched were incredibly profound. I never met or knew this child, and yet my heart breaks for her, for her parents, her family and her community.
Talking with my mom about this on the phone today, I started to break down, imagining how beside themselves the child's parents must be during this time. It would be natural to second guess what else could have been done. There was nothing else. It was a seemingly senseless, callous act of life. Maybe her soul was just too good and too pure for this world.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Encounters & Dreams
My sense was to remain still. I didn't want to startle this amazing creature. Or perhaps it was me preferring to not be startled by this amazing creature. My next inclination was to have my husband see it. On rare occasions in the middle of the night we hear owls calling out from the woods behind our home. We've never actually seen one incarnate.
I slowly reached for the phone in my front pocket. As I started to dial the owl leaped from its perch and swooped down onto the lawn where it stood about eight feet from me, wings partially extended at its sides. I couldn't believe it. Indeed it was an owl, a very big owl, about the size of a human toddler.
My husband answered just as the owl took flight again. I could make out even in the darkness it landed in one of the two trees at the end of our front walk. In a whispered voice I told my husband about the owl and to come join me for viewing. Moments later he was gingerly opening our front door and sat beside me on our front stoop. I explained where I had last seen the owl. Suddenly the silhouette of a youngster riding a bike appeared on the street at the end of our driveway, not something we usually see at night. The bicyclist turned around and then vanished down the street. Just as they were turning around, the owl once more leaped out from its perch. We both watched as it flew from the tree over our carport before it, too, disappeared between ours and the neighbor's house to the north.
My only other close encounter with an owl was in Texas. My dad, mom and I were driving home one night. We were about a quarter mile or so from our street when the loudest sounding collision you could imagine struck our windshield, shattering the center third of it. We hit an owl or an owl hit us. The three of us screamed. I believe we were all of course scared out of our wits because of the sudden violence and on a deeper level because it was an owl.
The ancient Greeks revered the goddess Athena, who was supposed to be the goddess of wisdom and guardian of the Acropolis. Her symbol was the owl, so the bird became a symbol of higher wisdom. The owl was a bird of prophecy and wisdom in many ancient cultures.
I like to think my owl encounter is a good omen.
On Sun. 8/27 I dreamed I had a very odd looking spider on my right shoulder. It was elongated, kind of like an ant, but it was definitely an eight-legged spider. A black one. It bore into my skin with its legs. In my dream I don't know how long it had been on/in me. I flicked it off and once it was free from my flesh I noticed it had left behind crimson marks in the shape of a dog bite.
The next morning after I awoke, I was rinsing dishes and loading them in the dishwasher. I pulled the cutting board from the sink to give it a scrub and suddenly noticed a big, black spider at the base of my left thumb. I threw the cutting board and shook my hand. It fell to the floor and disappeared. I was almost more startled because my dream from the night before was still fresh in my mind.
Dream interpretation: To dream of a spider denotes that you will be careful and energetic in your labors, and fortune will be amassed to pleasing proportions. If one bites you, you will be the victim of unfaithfulness and will suffer from enemies in your business.
Another suggests little annoying or irritating things that are left undone. Can be a fear of gossipy things said about you - or the consequences of gossip you engaged in regarding someone else.
Yet another suggests it can symbolize feeling trapped in a stale or unsatisfying relationship. To dream that you are bitten by a spider represents conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life.
Still another suggests it indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship. Alternately, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. Spiders are a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You may feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.
On Mon. 8/28 I had a dream with raccoons in it. I'm foggy on the details. After I awoke the first text I received was from my bestie, who sent me a picture of a raccoon at her bedroom window and a note declaring this guy and his friends kept her up until 3:00 a.m.
Dream interpretation: To dream of a raccoon denotes you are being deceived by the friendly appearance of enemies. Also, the raccoon has stood for deception and mischief, and thievery down through the ages because of his mask and his nocturnal ways. It shows that people are presenting false faces to you in your everyday life.
Monday, August 21, 2017
Partial Solar Eclipse
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| Dim eclipsed-sunlight filtering through tree leaves cast cloud-like shadows on our driveway. |
Upon waking I like to meditate, and today I did so for 20 minutes. I just sit up in bed, cross-legged with my hands folded Buddhist style in my lap, and set my watch to ring the alarm when it's time. My field of close-eyed vision was calm. You know when your eyes are closed it's not completely 100% dark, even on the most pitch black of nights. It's more like you're trying to watch a TV broadcast of a channel that doesn't exist or there's no reception for. For me I perceive a field of fine static fuzziness comprised of very small, fine dots.
I have an opening mantra I repeat a few times in my mind's eye. Then I watch my breath and request communion with the greater power. I ask it to be present along with providing harmony and healing. This morning's meditation was overall good with moments of clarity and inner peace in the middle and right at the very end before my watch began beeping its alarm.
We took in today's partial eclipse (92.5% coverage) at our private community beach called the Cove. We arrived a little before 10:00 a.m. Pacific. Our original plan was to join the viewing party at the Des Moines library, which was going to be handing out solar glasses until they ran out. On the way there Mt. Rainier was encircled in marine layer; mystical and spectacular.
The library had ran out by the time we got there. We turned down the hill toward the water and thought perhaps the pier at the marina would make for a good spot. That's when we noticed the fog rolling in. We changed course again and returned to our neighborhood's waterfront.
The fog bank had rolled all the way north from Des Moines. Another fog bank rolled in from the west and hugged the coast a little ways out into the water. The shoreline was as wide, if not wider, than I've ever seen it with an extremely low tide. Another fog bank was threatening to crest the hillside from the north of us. The view east remained clear as well as within a quarter mile radius around our location on the beach. We were literally wreathed by a fog belt, which was eerie and beautifully surreal.
At one point my husband pointed out the fading light. I removed my sunglasses to scan the landscape, which was cast in an early dusk dimness. Ducks flew in groups westward out to the water from the lagoon east of our location.
The air was cool and as the sun's light faded the air became noticeably cooler. I felt really anxious while we were there, and as the light lowered I felt physically heavier, like the force of gravity had slightly intensified.
The apex of the eclipse occurred around 10:21 a.m. Pacific. A short while after the apex, two large cranes soared overhead. A flock of birds, crows, ducks and others, flew back to shore out of the fog bank. Then a bald eagle began circling overhead. Amazing.
We left the beach about 10 min. later and drove back home. On arrival the broad daylight still appeared strained. I grappled with whether it was the way I was perceiving the light, readjusting after having been out on the open shoreline. Our home is in a more wooded setting.
My anxiousness had me questioning whether I had injured my eyes. I am the very last person who needs to add insult to his already long list of medical ailments; past and present.
My husband wanted to know what I wanted to do with our day. My body temperature was still feeling low. I was chilled, shivering and imagined that may have been contributing to my anxious feeling. I suggested we crawl back into bed to warm ourselves and so we did.
I was still restless, so my husband suggested I do a 10 min. meditation to bring myself back to center. So I did. This particular meditation was very different from earlier. At first my field of closed eye vision was super agitated. The fuzz was moving around aimlessly and rapidly. I took it in and sat with it, and then things calmed. I even felt a moment of divine stillness. My soul overall felt restless. The world feels restless, and it is. It's more important for us all now to find stillness and peace.
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| Waiting for the eclipse B&T selfie portrait. |
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| Very low tide. |
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| Northwestern fog bank |
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| South, southwestern fog bank. |
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| North fog bank. |
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| Two cranes. |
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| Bald eagle. |
Saturday, August 19, 2017
John Lennon on World Peace
John Lennon talks about the dark and evil powers that he believes really control the world.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
The Summer of Fire & Fury
America's so-called president Trump has threatened North Korea with "fire and fury," then threatened military intervention in Venezuela.
The following weekend the largest white supremacist gathering in decades converged on Charlottesville, VA with Trump stating there are good people who are part of the ethnic cleansing movement.
Today another terrorist attack occurred in Barcelona, Spain; a car striking a crowd of pedestrians, just as one did in Charlottesville and London and ...
Every day the news has another awful horror to disseminate, chipping away at the spirit of the masses. I've been feeling a profoundly heavy sense, a global sadness.
This week millions of Americans will witness our moon blotting out our sun. Hasn't the sun already been blotted out for long enough?
As we've all witnessed, darkness comes in many forms. Superiority. Narcissism. Greed. Inequality. Hate. Racism. Violence. These man made forms of darkness all stem from a common place; delusion.
I am encouraged in some way by those who are still able to go about their daily lives without a heavy heart and as though it's business as usual. Let us please not delude ourselves. The state of our union is anything but business as usual; we're in crisis. Foremost, the President of the United States of America is a threat to all Americans, our Constitution and the world at large.
Let me be clear. Nazis, the KKK, White Nationalists and the Alt-Right suffer from mental illness. While these people may be American citizens, what they stand for comes from the deepest, darkest, soulless abyss of human excrement. This vile repugnance known as hatred must be eradicated. So long as Trump remains in office, the country's hemorrhaging of hate and divisiveness will continue inundating our country's soul with evil.
Previously we all lived in a paradigm of right versus wrong. We now live in a new paradigm of good versus evil. These two paradigms may have similarities, they are not one in the same. Though it was long ago, we have been here before. Our bloody Civil War. World War II. These conflicts are etched in our DNA. We know the face of evil, and we will overcome it once more. The brightness of the human spirit will always outshine its darkest malevolence. For a second there I thought that word bore a striking resemblance to male violence.
History has but one law: progress, despite back-stepping. Think bigger than our views of today's reality. Imagine what is possible in the years, decades and centuries ahead. All that you imagine and envision what the future holds begins with your thoughts calling it into being. Whatever you can conjure in your wildest dreams you can materialize in a future reality. What do you envision, and what are you willing to do to bring it to fruition?
We can all live as one in peace and harmony. Our world has enough for everyone.
Resist evil. Love and heal.
Monday, August 14, 2017
An Accurate History of the Alt-Right
Roughly four years ago, a new type of White nationalist movement began to form on the internet. This was mostly made-up of young people who were formulating ideas with minimal influence from prior White nationalist movements.
It was a situation of different online subcultures (some of which were influenced by older offline movements) coming together. These groups collided, based on their having reached common conclusions, and the result is what is now called the Alt-Right.
I am going to layout here these various factions, and what ultimately led them toward this center-point where we have all met. The campaign of Donald Trump is effectively the nexus of that centerpoint.
For more info., visit:
https://www.dailystormer.com/a-normies-guide-to-the-alt-right/https://www.dailystormer.com/a-normies-guide-to-the-alt-right/
First ever Trump speech to clearly condemn racist hate groups
"We must love each other, show affection for each other and unite together in condemnation of hatred, bigotry and violence. Racism is evil, and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including the KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremasts and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. We are a nation founded on the truth that all of us are created equal." -Donald Trump
Trump's remarks came a day after several GOP lawmakers pressed him to call out hate groups by name. The Daily Stormer has yet to post a response to Trump's latest remarks.
UPDATE 8/15: Trump back-peddled from the above statement to say: "You have some very bad people in that [neo Nazi] group, but you also had people that were very fine people on both sides."
Trump cannot stand firm against Nazis, thus he is a threat to civil society.
Window into the darkest side of humanity
Andrew Anglin Daily StormerAugust 13, 2017
The hypocrisy of discouraging violence clearly without the ability to connect the relational dots between hate speech and violence.
#2 Story: Heather Heyer: Woman Killed in Road Rage Incident was a Fat, Childless 32-Year-Old Slut
Andrew Anglin Daily StormerAugust 13, 2017
Complete dehumanization of the woman killed by a racist. And again the hypocrisy of the groups' weekend chants of "white lives matter."
The way a person treats another is a direct reflection of a person's relationship with self. Clearly the racists and bigots have a poor self image. Racism, bigotry, hatred-they're mental illnesses. Illness can be healed with effective treatment, first is has to be diagnosed.
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Trump's support for American domestic terrorists unclear
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| A black Charlottesville, VA police officer protects the first amendment rights of hate groups to speech and assembly. |
President Trump spoke a day after riots broke out on account of the alt-right, white supremacist, neo-Nazi, KKK, racist domestic terrorist groups' convergence in Charlottesville, VA this weekend as part of their 'Unite the Right' rally in which three people died and scores were left injured. This rally was one of the largest such gatherings of bigots in decades.
“We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence. On many sides,” Trump said about the event at a press conference today.
What Trump omitted from his speech as well as obscured did not go overlooked by a handful of his party's members. GOP lawmakers John McCain, Orrin Hatch, Marco Rubio, Cory Gardner, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, Tim Scott and Ted Cruz publicly pressured Trump with individual statements to call out and denounce the white supremacist groups.
"We should call evil by its name. My brother didn't give his life
fighting Hitler for Nazi ideas to go unchallenged here at home." posted Hatch on Twitter.
Former KKK leader David Duke today said Trump inspired these groups to converge. His actuality can be viewed here: https://www.vox.com/2017/8/12/16138358/charlottesville-protests-david-duke-kkk
Neo-Nazis today published the following about Trump's remarks in their publication The Daily Stormer:
"Trump comments were good. He didn’t attack us. He just said the nation should come together. Nothing specific against us.He said that we need to study why people are so angry, and implied that there was hate… on both sides!
So he implied the antifa are haters.
There was virtually no counter-signaling of us at all.
He said he loves us all.
Also refused to answer a question about White Nationalists supporting him.
No condemnation at all.
When asked to condemn, he just walked out of the room.
Really, really good.
God bless him."
Thursday, August 10, 2017
American Culture on Illness & Mortality (Part 1)
Lyme disease is definitely no laughing matter. Half of all U.S. counties have Lyme. The CDC gives a conservative estimate of 300,000 new U.S. cases annually. Due to outdated testing with many false-negative results, and a medical community that by-in-large dismisses or fails to understand Lyme, thousands of patients don't get the medical intervention they need to avoid long term chronic illness, which can become fatal. I'm fast-approaching the five year mark since I fell ill and now 21 months into integrative treatment.
My mother-in-law is my antithesis around broaching the subject of health. Even if it has been weeks or months since seeing her, usually she will work something into conversation about her deteriorating health, typically as part of her salutation or she'll just skip by the salutation altogether and dive right into complaining about her health. It's extremely off-putting. As the recipient of this information, I try to look engaged when I really just wish she would stop talking and leave me alone.
Here I am, also ailed, and finding it difficult to welcome her complaints nor bestow gracious empathy. My mother-in-law also does very little to support her own health, which I struggle to comprehend. So perhaps my story of confusion around how she falls short of dealing most effectively with her illness clouds the space I give her to unload on me.
I'm quite the opposite of my mother-in-law around the subject of my personal health. I've made a habit of not bringing it up to my friends and family. Here are a few of my reasons:
Foremost, forget politics, I get the sense a person's health is one of the all-time most taboo subjects. I'm sure there are myriad reasons for this. I sense among my peers illness and mortality are generally not topics most of us are ready to openly embrace, especially those like me who are middle age. Like religion, for example, our finite being in this world is very personal as much so as every individual's felt sense of purpose. I can certainly appreciate this, and yet I find it quite curious. Is this unique to American culture? How does American culture deal with the subject of illness and mortality differently than other cultures? Which culture deals with these subjects most gracefully and holistically? My inquiring mind wants to know.
Secondly, people want to talk about subjects they're interested in. Most people are not interested in hearing about your health, and that's perfectly OK.
Third, in the case of my illness in particular, it has seemed to me to have gone on for so long many of my friends have forgotten that I am still sick. Some have said they aren't sure whether it's something I'm comfortable discussing. When someone says that, I believe they're actually projecting their own discomfort in hearing about my illness back onto me. Touche and lame. Art makes people uncomfortable all the time, and yet there's still a place for it; we can still value it.
The other night my husband and I were out to dinner with another gay couple we've known for years. One of them works in the health care industry. That night I was really struggling with breath shortness, my most loathed of all my symptoms. During such times I find it really difficult to be part of the conversation, virtually any conversation. Talking can be physically laborious for me when this symptom flairs.
Toward the end of our meal my breathing eased. I made mention of it only to explain why I wasn't contributing as much to the conversation. Something along the lines of having some breath shortness, that it has subsided otherwise I would have been more talkative. I received blank stares in response, a clear social cue to change topic. Even though both of our friends know what I've been grappling with over the years, there's never a check in about how I'm doing. More than half of my other friends check in out of care, and that feels kind to me.
Everyone is different, and I'm sure there are those out there living with chronic or terminal illness who are uncomfortable discussing it with others. My mom is one of those people who doesn't like people knowing about her stage four lung cancer and only talks about it with select people. For me personally, I appreciate being acknowledged for what I must endure to continue making it in the world.
Yes, we all have our daily struggles of putting food on our tables, etc. Those struggles in my life have not been replaced during the last five years with my struggles to recover my health. No, they've only further compounded my burdens. The only thing that has really changed is my physical aptitude to meet challenges day by day. For this, it would be nice to have a little more understanding, if not empathy, from others.
There's a great quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." -Wendy Mass
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Summer of Fire: Seattle breaks dry spell record
This video shows an animated graph of warm weather trends from the time of the industrial revolution until today.
Seattle is a vital part of my world view, it's what I've known for the better part of 36 years, so I can confidently share from this perspective. When my family moved to the area in August 1981, a heat wave ushered in our first week with daytime high temperatures up to 105 degrees Fahrenheit. Coming from Richmond, Virginia's humid summers, the heat was something we were accustomed to. Even without the east coast humidity, having no air conditioning in our rental house was just plain miserable.
Until recently, summer began in the Seattle area like clockwork. Either right on, the day before or the day after July 4 is when we would begin consistently having daytime temperatures above 70 degrees. In the years 2014, 2015 and 2016, the warm weather began continuously as early as mid to late April. Typically Western Washington's Junes are cool, a little drizzly and gloomy. Not so for the aforementioned years. This year (2017) we received record precipitation, especially snow in the mountains, and our warm weather started more typically in July. The spring was much colder than usual and June wasn't quite back to its normal "Junuary" pattern.
We're now week two into a moderate heatwave, which wouldn't be so bad except less than 15 percent of locals have air conditioning and the air is now too unhealthy to open windows. Our poor air quality is on account of massive fires burning in the Canadian province of British Columbia, our neighbor directly north. Of course it's also wildfire season in the Pacific Northwest including my home state of Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana.
I recall wildfire smoke in the Puget Sound Region two years ago this month, and it was nowhere near as severe and much shorter lived than what we're currently experiencing. The air quality has at times been poorer than in Beijing, which is notorious for heavy and dangerously toxic levels of smog.
On August 8, Seattle broke an all-time record for the most consecutive days without precipitation (51 previously). We are now on day 53 and counting, and thankfully rain is in the forecast for Sunday. It cannot come soon enough.
Since middle to late last week I have been holed up in my house mostly. I've made a few trips out of the house, each time causing me respiratory distress; breath shortness, throat irritation, sinus congestion, headache. As part of my complex chronic illness symptoms associated with Lyme and co-infections, I had already been grappling with intermittent breath shortness since spring 2013. The week before the smoke arrived I was actually really beginning to feel so much better. That progress has been reversed, unfortunately.
Here are some images for the record:
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| Data from the nearest state air quality monitor for this afternoon. |
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| An average, sunny day in Beijing, China. |
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| Downtown Seattle, Washington (13.9 miles north of my home) |
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| Downtown Tacoma, Washington (22.6 miles south of my home) |
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| Current and forecast weather conditions displayed this afternoon on my iPhone weather app. Relief is on the way this weekend. |
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