IMPORTANT PSA

Covid-19 Silver Lining & Self-Work

My friend posted the following opinion piece to social media. I'm copying and pasting it here and also will provide a link:

What Psychedelics Told Me About The Coronavirus

Azrya Cohen Bequer

 

An Empowering Message to Humanity from Ayahuasca

 

 

No matter how complex a question I may have, when I take it to psychedelics I always receive an answer. So when the Coronavirus pandemic kicked into high gear, I brought the subject to my trusted mentor Ayahuasca to be illuminated.

Ayahuasca is an ancient shamanic plant medicine technology, consisting of 3 simple ingredients: a vine, a leaf and water. The ensuing brew is consumed in a ceremonial context, and commonly referred to as “the medicine.”

In the visionary state, downloads around COVID-19 began pouring in and it all began with the humble teachings of a tiny little insect known as the caterpillar.

Did you know that a caterpillar will consume up to 300 times its body weight per day before entering the cocoon?

I share this fun fact because, as the medicine showed me, we have reached a moment in our human evolution where the clumsy, dense, survival obsessed caterpillar stage of our collective human consciousness must finally stop mindlessly consuming and surrender to the chrysalis, in which everything it has known itself to be dissolves into mush.

Welcome to the “Corona Cocoon.”

Yup. We are in the disintegration stage now where all the magic happens and the next chapter of our human experience can transition into the era of the butterfly; a being that is light, free, empirically exquisite and in service to others (pollinators).

Let me illuminate how this is far more than a nifty metaphor.

Times of crisis bring a tremendous opportunity because there is a “pattern interrupt” to our collective, habitual ways of operating, most of which are heavily anchored in excessive consumerism, distraction and a relationship to productivity so unsustainable it has become violent, both to our own minds, bodies and spirits, as well as to the mind, body and spirit of our Earth. Which is — surprise surprise — a sentient being as well and has its own consciousness.

 

The Coronavirus is the great equalizer.

As the pause button on the rat race is pressed and so many things we take for granted suddenly withheld, the opportunity in the apocalypse reveals itself to those who are willing to detach from the panic enough to actually listen to a deeper truth that is emerging from the wreckage.

Before I dive into what that truth is for me (and of course, this is all my perception and by no means empirical fact), I must first share the fundamental framework of my lens on reality, so the following statements have context.

In the arena of personal development — an industry which I am very much a part of — there is a term called “shadow work” that is very important to understand.

SHADOW WORK

The baseline world view here is that everything in our reality exists because of a complex interplay between light and shadow, thus creating a vast field of polarity in which consciousness can manifest itself. Through an esoteric lens this interplay is captured by the Ying Yang symbol, which exemplifies that each polarity contains within it a speck of its opposite. From a quantum physics perspective we can explain the same phenomenon through the language of vibration, of frequency. We can measure the amount of light particles contained within each frequency. The “lighter” or “higher” the frequency, the faster the oscillation, the more information or light is contained within it. The “darker” or “denser” the frequency, the slower the oscillation, the less light is contained within it.

While we in our culture have generally deemed the light to be “good” and the shadow “evil” (just watch any Hollywood movie ever, it’s always about “good vs evil”), neither are actually superior or inferior, they are simply expressions of duality itself and give birth to the very nature of our human existence. Yet our judgment of these forces — which exist on the macro-level of the Universe as well the micro-level within each individual human being — has condemned the shadow to such a degree that it has become repressed, and therefore dangerous — for any force that is repressed long enough will eventually erupt — like a geyser under pressure — with equal intensity to restore balance.

“Shadow work” is the voluntary examination of one’s own internal darkness, or — to put it in more psychological terms — the excavation of our subconscious — which lacks the light of our conscious awareness and is therefore hidden from view.

Most human beings on the planet have no concept of “shadow work,” and even those who do may not have the courage to voluntarily look into the dark crevices of their own psyche. Repressed traumas, inherited fear programs, undigested pain and all sorts of other disturbing and uncomfortable revelations lie buried there, represented by the metaphorical “boogie man” of our collective human unconsciousness.

And yet — no matter how much we ignore, reject and deny the shadow — it never disappears. In fact, quite the opposite is true. The very fear that keeps us from looking at it, is the same fear that feeds it.

I believe, times like these are a collective wake up call to actively participate in our shadow work or be swept away by the darkness once and for all.

The Coronavirus is simply the trigger to force us into being with what has been there all along. As a wave of fear permeates the collective, the shadow we’ve repressed for generations can no longer be ignored. Until right now, we didn’t have external circumstances dire enough to bring it to the surface. And now that it’s here, we stand at a crossroads.

THIS IS A CHOICE POINT MOMENT OF EPIC PROPORTION.

Every time I participate in a psychedelic experience — and especially when working with Ayahuasca — I am confronted with the same question:

Do I succumb to the current operating system of “victim consciousness”? Or do I claim my “creator consciousness”?

VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS says, “I have no or very little personal power. I am at the whim of my external reality and things are happening to me beyond my control. My fear based Ego must cling to any semblance of control it can find in order to ensure its survival, and fight for that control at all costs. I project blame externally, refusing to take responsibility for my reality.”

CREATOR CONSCIOUSNESS says, “I am infinitely powerful, precisely because I am ready to relinquish my false sense of control and trust in the greater intelligence of life (and death) itself. Everything I experience — pleasant or not — is a result of some form of conscious or subconscious co-creation. It is through taking full responsibility for my experience that I liberate myself from victimhood.”

Truly, at this stage of the game each individual human being is confronted with the decision of which operating system to run. One is based in fear, the other in love.

Whatever narrative we choose to focus on moving forward will significantly impact the quality of our human life moving forward. What a ripe opportunity for massive transformation! The stakes have never been this high.

Congratulations everyone. We are officially in the cocoon.

Before I illuminate both the gifts of LIGHT and the gifts of SHADOW available within the “Corona Cocoon,” I want to say to anyone who has had a loved one transition due to the Coronavirus, my heart goes out to you. I sincerely hope that my perspectives on the situation don’t in any way demean the pain of your loss. I also recognize that it may feel almost impossible for many reading this to understand how this devastating event could have a major silver lining, and that’s okay. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything.

My intention is solely to share my perspective in order to support you in making an internal choice that can have a lasting impact far beyond this pandemic — which could end up being the most profoundly valuable thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Again, it’s all up to you to decide what you do with the information.

THE REALITY OF DEATH

Currently, Earth is activating her defense mechanisms and — like a stern mother — putting our insolent asses in time out, so we may come face to face with the very thing we have been avoiding for so long: Our mortality. This is also known as “being grounded.”

I’m not just talking about being forced to confront the inevitable death of our physical bodies, but also the death of our comfort zones, the death of our false sense of security in regards to finances, food supply, health care, government and international affairs.

Death is really — at its core — the fear of the unknown. This is why those who are doing authentic spiritual work are going to be less affected by a crisis like the Coronavirus. If you’ve experienced yourself beyond the physical dimension and connected to the infinite aspect of your consciousness that will continue to exist long after your body has deceased, there is no reason to fear death.

The Coronavirus — an “invisible” threat — confronts us with our relationship to the spiritual realms, which we cannot navigate with our five senses.

Every time we open our Amazon boxes to pull out the next bulk order of toilet paper while wondering if the cardboard is contaminated, we are quietly confronted with the mystery of the invisible, unknown nature of reality.

Examining our mortality is also an access point into more deeply understanding the biologically ingrained survival mechanisms that run so much of our day to day lives. Truth is, the vast majority of humans — regardless of income bracket — do not feel safe and secure in the world, and are plagued by anxiety and stress because of it.

Isn’t it amazing that death — an initiation every single human being must face eventually — is so taboo in our culture? No wonder we ignore and suppress this fact, when nothing in our modern education systems addresses the subject even in the slightest to prepare us for it. Indigenous cultures create elaborate rites of passage for their youth to confront and even embrace the reality of death, so they may be free from the fear of it. Rituals around death were and are commonplace, necessary initiations in ancient cultures. We have lost these ways. Today, our fear of death has tampon commercials showing period blood as blue instead of red, so we don’t have to face the truth. We can’t even connect to the death of the animals we consume in such copious quantities. Meat products are neatly shrink wrapped and disguised with names like “hot dogs” and “burgers” so we don’t have to think about the reality of the sacrifices we so casually pull off the grocery shelf while scrolling through our instagram feed. There is no more tangible connection to the cycles of life and death that occur in the natural world, and that connection is now ready to re-awaken, bringing with it the hard yet sweet realization that:

Nothing is guaranteed.

When we truly embrace the truth that we are all going to die, that life is a profound gift and each breath is a privilege — every moment becomes infinitely precious.

THE PURGE

In the ancient, shamanic healing tradition of Ayahuasca the purge is a very sacred and crucial component to “getting well.” Fighting the purge is hell. Relaxing into the purge, truly surrendering to it, that is the medicine.

It’s easy to forget, but we have some pretty serious traumas in our very recent history. Just in the last 100 years we had two world wars, the cold war, the Vietnam war and 9/11 (plus all the other violence, environmental distress and genocide going on in the world today). Until very recently when science began the study of epigenetics, we have had very little understanding of how trauma can be passed down from generation to generation and how it manifests itself as disease in the body if left unaddressed for too long. Epidemics like the Coronavirus are a very serious invitation for us to look at the emotional material that is surfacing as more and more “war like” conditions surround us (borders closing, mandatory quarantines, the potential of martial law, etc.). My German grandmother — a WWII survivor — never had the opportunity to consciously process the trauma of her experience which means that if we believe energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transformed — either my mother, myself or my children will eventually have to consciously transform that energy and break the chain.

I see trauma as a zip file of information, which contains valuable lessons within it. Unpacking it might feel like trying to diffuse a very dangerous bomb, but if I can truly trust that the trauma is here to serve a greater purpose and my only job is to be brave enough to really feel it fully once and for all, the suffering disappears and only gifts remain. I believe the remnants of the collective trauma that we’ve acquired in our human history is now ready to be purged and transmuted, and so it makes sense that we would subconsciously evoke conditions similar to those that created the trauma in the first place. Only this time, instead of having to go to the front lines and fight in battle, we get to do the inner work in the comfort of our own homes.

SCARCITY & MONEY

Now is the time to look at our fears and especially our scarcity programs. The “not enough” conversations that are happening externally in the form of “not enough toilet paper,” “not enough supplies,” “not enough income,” “not enough hospital beds,” “not enough flights” are an amplified reflection of our incessant, internal scarcity conversation that keep so many of us locked into the rat race of our modern lifestyles.

“The world is caught up with the non‐essential, and yet it yearns for the essential.” — Richard Rudd

There’s a massive reset button being pushed on the financial system right now and it is a huge opportunity to come into greater integrity with how we generate revenue. Yes, the Coronavirus will have a devastating impact on small and large businesses, as millions of people are laid off due to the government ordered shut down, AND — using the example given in a recent Wall Street Journal article of “…the entrepreneur who invested his life in his Memphis ribs joint only to see his customers vanish in a week…” — there was a hidden, denied truth in that business that can no longer be ignored, which is the quality of life of the animals whose ribs are being consumed for profit in the first place.

I am not vegan, nor do I believe humans should never eat animals, but I do believe that the lack of awareness, consideration and empathy for the quality of life (and death) of the animals we consume requires serious and immediate attention, and anyone who is not actively participating in the conversation of humane treatment and sustainability while making money off of meat or any other natural resources, will eventually be forced to do so. Obviously not all businesses require the death of living things, but most businesses exist to sell “inessentials,” aka “shit we don’t need” — and so in this purge, I see a tremendous extinction of the nonessential sweeping across our economy. How many shipping containers full of products to stock malls and Amazon warehouse shelves are truly enriching our human experience? This may be a very unpopular opinion, but if a business dies because of the Coronavirus, there is a very real possibility that:

A) It wasn’t truly providing essential value in the first place.

B) The value it was providing had an unacceptable cost to it (which was being paid for by the Earth itself), and / or…

C) The time for a new, potentially more omni-considerate creative idea is ready to express itself through those involved in that business, and it’s time to innovate and move on.

This topic of sustainability also ties back into the scarcity conversation, because if whatever job or venture we are accustomed to making a living from suddenly disappears, perhaps it’s because a deeper purpose for our unique skills, gifts and talents wants to emerge and only a scarcity mindset would insist on seeing the disappearance of one opportunity as a dead end, when in truth there are infinite ways in which each individual can reinvent themselves. So many people work just for a paycheck without ever stopping and asking “what value can I contribute to the world that nourishes my soul in exchange? What is actually my Full Fuck Yes?” This is the time to ask those questions, for finally the distractions are removed enough for us to begin receiving an answer.

Will it be easy? Likely not, although anything is possible.

Will it happen overnight? No. True change takes time, repetition and dedication. But a very real quantum leap can happen in the next few weeks and months, and with the internet, there is no shortage of guidance, education and tools available to anchor in a permanent, internal shift.

This is also a time where we might see unprecedented acts of generosity and kindness amongst humans. Unlike all the other pandemics we’ve seen so far, we are all in this one together. The opportunity for the global human family to show up for each other right now is huge, and the joy of both asking for as well as receiving support is available everywhere we turn.

MAKE D.O.P.E ART

My mother and I were talking about how the Coronavirus might affect arts and culture, which many would argue are “inessential” to human survival and were wiped out in Germany during WWII. The big difference today is technology. All you need to plug into a vibrant, abundant buffet of creativity is an internet connection and a smartphone, and within seconds you can share your voice and tune into the hearts and minds of the 3.5 billion human beings who are online in 2020.

Human survival isn’t just the physical component, we must nourish our emotional, mental and spiritual bodies as well, and right now technology is our ally in that because it doesn’t adhere to borders, boundaries and “shelter in place” laws. I see the Coronavirus unleashing a creative supernova of new ideas, visions and voices as we start claiming our capacity to Make D.O.P.E (Daring, Original, Personal, Expression) Art, which can manifest itself as anything from writing an epic love song to incubating a sustainable business to rearranging your pantry to reflect back to you a healthier mindset.

Our contributions to the collective narrative can either be saturated with fear, or drenched in compassion and optimism.

Coming full circle back to the beginning of this article, now is the time to choose which operating system you will run.

If you do decide to opt out of the victim consciousness and claim your creator consciousness, know that you are signing up for a deep, spiritual journey into the depths of yourself. The process begins with intention. The intention to truly know yourself. To be with all aspects of yourself, no matter how unpleasant some of them might feel. We will require community and guidance on this journey, even though at the end of the day, no one can do the work for us. I have compiled a list of free resources that have been incredibly supportive on my journey for you to tangibly begin this process, you can find them here: www.The-FFY.com/resources

The profound gift in all of this? You have been given the opportunity to see how powerful your lens on reality truly is. How much it impacts your experience. How deeply it affects the quality of your life, and the well being of the planet itself.

In times like these, new innovations emerge and you can contribute — right now, from the comfort of your couch — to a brighter future for generations to come, simply by consciously choosing to look within.

Stop looking for the answer. BE the answer.

Love,

Azrya

Find me on instagram @thefullfuckyes and @iazrya

I read this above work aloud to my husband, who I felt, like me, needed to receive these important, truthful messages. Moments after I finished reading, a text arrived from my energist. She moved to Manhattan last summer, and her synchronistic outreach was for the purpose of encouraging her tribe to "use this time as an opportunity for self-work." She continued to state: "So many people I know are successfully clearing their past for a new future and are coming out ahead. To help you, here is a free 10 minute meditation:"

https://youtu.be/JbwabrfEyto

Kundalini Kriya Yoga

This morning marks my first-ever Kriya Yoga practice. I was initiated into this practice yesterday morning.

Around 7:00 a.m. I sat cross-legged on the floor facing east, taking in some of the only sunlight I would take in on a day of seemingly endless downpours. As I began my practice, eyes closed, I was treated to the most magical bird singing just outside my sliding glass door. It lasted through the most important phases of the practice. My heart delighted in the sound, to me an auspicious signal of being on a good path. When I finally concluded my practice, I opened my eyes surprisingly to full overcast daylight. Not sure why it took me by surprise, I was aware I began my practice at sunrise. I am excited to further explore this practice!

On my way home after a late night with clients, I had a chance run-in with my teacher who initiated me yesterday in the Trader Joe's check out. Talk about synchronistic ...

Today's New York Times UFO Disclosure

Info. about our government admitting the existence and secret study of UFOs doesn't get more mainstream than this: Glowing Auras & 'Black Money': The Pentagon's Mysterious U.F.O. Program

Original Quote

"The more disconnected we are from nature, the less we understand about ourselves." -B.W. Davis

Sobering Thoughts

The map pin marks the Kelliwood Greens home my mom, dad and I built in the early 1990s.

The red X marks the same Kelliwood Greens home as viewed from satellite via NOAA's flood map on Aug. 31 after the Barker reservoir failed due to Harvey's record precipitation event.

Last Sunday night we had my mom and her partner over for burgers on the grill. A long time writing project along with good old fashioned reminiscing lead me to ask my mom questions about our life in one of my childhood homes. I could almost anticipate verbatim what she was going to initially say about it: "I hated that house." A house is just a human organization of materials. The real value, the meaning is what transpires as a result of those who dwell inside this structure.

I wanted to know specifically about our morning routine. My memory has faded and even though my mom has three decades on me, people tend to recall different things. Admittedly, I'm not generally one for the details, and I find importance in them now.

As it turns out, my mom could only recall what time she had to be at work along with my brother being a pain in the ass to get out of bed during high school. The latter I well recall, unfortunately.

My mom will be 73 come October, and has been living with a stage four cancer diagnosis since the summer of 2014. She is under the care of the head of oncology at SCCA and has been off chemo since May 2016.

The conversation at some point shifted to the recent solar eclipse. My mom's partner speculating about when the next one would be. My husband guessed and I interjected it would pass through Austin in seven years, and that we should go. Suddenly I realized that future time may be one absent my mom. An agonizing feeling gripped my heart along with the realization of how few others, who were part of my collective consciousness growing up, remain in my life now. Aside from my husband, my mom is really the only immediate family I have left.

Harvey hit last weekend as well. My mom and I reminisced a little about our time living in Houston. All week I've been obsessed with news coverage of the storm and subsequent, unprecedented floods.

The strange thing is, I don't really have anyone left in Houston either, not directly that I'm still connected with. Even so, I still feel for all the tens of thousands of people whose lives were disrupted and certainly even more so for those who perished as well as those left behind.

When I look a quarter century back, I am filled with feelings of joy as well as regret. My dad moved my mom and I to Houston at the start of my junior year in high school. My brother went off to California for his first year in college. I almost wrote that he was the more fortunate of us, and now I'm not so sure.

One of my nearest and dearest from my time in Houston, she and I have been distant for years and years. She had reached out to me ages ago on Facebook. I've since tried adding her as a friend. My request has yet to be accepted. Yesterday I wrote her a note just to acknowledge she's still in my heart and how delighted I would be if she wished to connect.

Yesterday I also discovered the home we built in West Houston, which my mom loves to remind me how I redesigned the front elevation so it would look more stately and unlike any other similar floor plan home in the area, was flooded. Our old neighborhood of Kelliwood Greens was under mandatory evacuation orders.

My past feels like it's being washed away and eroded. I take full responsibility for my part in that, for allowing connections I failed to hold dearer to wane and fade to nothing. Maybe this is what a mid-life crisis is? An existential quandary of soul to remain connected, healthy and relevant. These types of psychological upheavals tend to affect the male of our species much more than the female. Males tend to go a little bonkers, buy a nice car, have an affair or pretty much do anything to help anchor them to their youth or slow their prospect of aging. I would like to embrace where I'm at. Being able to revisit my past may be key to this. I don't know, this is uncharted territory. I've never been middle aged before and in this mindset.

Last night my husband and I had yet another quarrel about my illness, and the adverse impact it's having on my work/production. To say it feels so disenfranchising to be nearly five years ill with Lyme disease and co-infections and be expected to function at the level of a person with reasonable health is a gross understatement.

Most heavy this week was extraordinarily tragic news from my mom. Her great granddaughter of 15 months (on her partner's family's side) was rushed to the ER a couple days ago. She had been vomiting and had a history of seizures. At one point the baby's heart stopped and she was revived. The family slept at the ER Tuesday night in hopes that when the baby awoke all would be OK. At 4:30 a.m. Wednesday morning the doctors pronounced her brain dead after receiving her MRI results. They took her off of life support at 6:30 p.m. Wednesday evening. All family members who were present held this sweet, innocent baby girl in their arms one final time to say goodbye.

In all my blubbering around my challenges, nay, annoyances in my life, I cannot fathom the immense gravity of suddenly loosing such a young, innocent life. Her parents did all they could for her. The baby received good, regular medical care. They took her to the right place immediately. And yet ... These are the stories that put life into perspective for us. A soul perishing who had but a sliver of a history to wash away and has left dozens of people reeling in grief.

People suffer grief and loss from their parted connections. The deeper the connection, the greater the loss. The connections this child formed with those she touched were incredibly profound. I never met or knew this child, and yet my heart breaks for her, for her parents, her family and her community.

Talking with my mom about this on the phone today, I started to break down, imagining how beside themselves the child's parents must be during this time. It would be natural to second guess what else could have been done. There was nothing else. It was a seemingly senseless, callous act of life. Maybe her soul was just too good and too pure for this world.

Encounters & Dreams

On the thirteenth of August this year, I had a close encounter of an enchanting kind. Nightfall was just starting to set in, which means around 9:00 p.m. during Pacific Northwest late summers (and much later in late spring). I was out front of my home setting up the sprinkler when a flying object from the west caught my eye. It was large and gray with an enormous wingspan. The specter made a sudden two-point landing on the electrical service line across the lawn from where I was standing.

My sense was to remain still. I didn't want to startle this amazing creature. Or perhaps it was me preferring to not be startled by this amazing creature. My next inclination was to have my husband see it. On rare occasions in the middle of the night we hear owls calling out from the woods behind our home. We've never actually seen one incarnate.

I slowly reached for the phone in my front pocket. As I started to dial the owl leaped from its perch and swooped down onto the lawn where it stood about eight feet from me, wings partially extended at its sides. I couldn't believe it. Indeed it was an owl, a very big owl, about the size of a human toddler.

My husband answered just as the owl took flight again. I could make out even in the darkness it landed in one of the two trees at the end of our front walk. In a whispered voice I told my husband about the owl and to come join me for viewing. Moments later he was gingerly opening our front door and sat beside me on our front stoop. I explained where I had last seen the owl. Suddenly the silhouette of a youngster riding a bike appeared on the street at the end of our driveway, not something we usually see at night. The bicyclist turned around and then vanished down the street. Just as they were turning around, the owl once more leaped out from its perch. We both watched as it flew from the tree over our carport before it, too, disappeared between ours and the neighbor's house to the north.

My only other close encounter with an owl was in Texas. My dad, mom and I were driving home one night. We were about a quarter mile or so from our street when the loudest sounding collision you could imagine struck our windshield, shattering the center third of it. We hit an owl or an owl hit us. The three of us screamed. I believe we were all of course scared out of our wits because of the sudden violence and on a deeper level because it was an owl.

The ancient Greeks revered the goddess Athena, who was supposed to be the goddess of wisdom and guardian of the Acropolis. Her symbol was the owl, so the bird became a symbol of higher wisdom. The owl was a bird of prophecy and wisdom in many ancient cultures.

I like to think my owl encounter is a good omen.

On Sun. 8/27 I dreamed I had a very odd looking spider on my right shoulder. It was elongated, kind of like an ant, but it was definitely an eight-legged spider. A black one. It bore into my skin with its legs. In my dream I don't know how long it had been on/in me. I flicked it off and once it was free from my flesh I noticed it had left behind crimson marks in the shape of a dog bite.

The next morning after I awoke, I was rinsing dishes and loading them in the dishwasher. I pulled the cutting board from the sink to give it a scrub and suddenly noticed a big, black spider at the base of my left thumb. I threw the cutting board and shook my hand. It fell to the floor and disappeared. I was almost more startled because my dream from the night before was still fresh in my mind.

Dream interpretation: To dream of a spider denotes that you will be careful and energetic in your labors, and fortune will be amassed to pleasing proportions. If one bites you, you will be the victim of unfaithfulness and will suffer from enemies in your business.

Another suggests little annoying or irritating things that are left undone. Can be a fear of gossipy things said about you - or the consequences of gossip you engaged in regarding someone else.

Yet another suggests it can symbolize feeling trapped in a stale or unsatisfying relationship. To dream that you are bitten by a spider represents conflict with your mother or some dominant female figure in your life.

Still another suggests it indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. The dream may be a metaphor for a devouring mother or the feminine power to possess and entrap. Perhaps you are feeling trapped by some relationship. Alternately, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. Spiders are a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You may feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.

On Mon. 8/28 I had a dream with raccoons in it. I'm foggy on the details. After I awoke the first text I received was from my bestie, who sent me a picture of a raccoon at her bedroom window and a note declaring this guy and his friends kept her up until 3:00 a.m. 

Dream interpretation: To dream of a raccoon denotes you are being deceived by the friendly appearance of enemies. Also, the raccoon has stood for deception and mischief, and thievery down through the ages because of his mask and his nocturnal ways. It shows that people are presenting false faces to you in your everyday life.

John Lennon on World Peace

John Lennon talks about the dark and evil powers that he believes really control the world.

The Summer of Fire & Fury

Canadians have declared this the summer of fire on account of the most smoke ever recorded, and which was released by what is so far the second worst wildfire season. This wildfire season is also still far from over.

America's so-called president Trump has threatened North Korea with "fire and fury," then threatened military intervention in Venezuela.

The following weekend the largest white supremacist gathering in decades converged on Charlottesville, VA with Trump stating there are good people who are part of the ethnic cleansing movement.

Today another terrorist attack occurred in Barcelona, Spain; a car striking a crowd of pedestrians, just as one did in Charlottesville and London and ...

Every day the news has another awful horror to disseminate, chipping away at the spirit of the masses. I've been feeling a profoundly heavy sense, a global sadness.

This week millions of Americans will witness our moon blotting out our sun. Hasn't the sun already been blotted out for long enough?

As we've all witnessed, darkness comes in many forms. Superiority. Narcissism. Greed. Inequality. Hate. Racism. Violence. These man made forms of darkness all stem from a common place; delusion.

I am encouraged in some way by those who are still able to go about their daily lives without a heavy heart and as though it's business as usual. Let us please not delude ourselves. The state of our union is anything but business as usual; we're in crisis. Foremost, the President of the United States of America is a threat to all Americans, our Constitution and the world at large.

Let me be clear. Nazis, the KKK, White Nationalists and the Alt-Right suffer from mental illness. While these people may be American citizens, what they stand for comes from the deepest, darkest, soulless abyss of human excrement. This vile repugnance known as hatred must be eradicated. So long as Trump remains in office, the country's hemorrhaging of hate and divisiveness will continue inundating our country's soul with evil.

Previously we all lived in a paradigm of right versus wrong. We now live in a new paradigm of good versus evil. These two paradigms may have similarities, they are not one in the same. Though it was long ago, we have been here before. Our bloody Civil War. World War II. These conflicts are etched in our DNA. We know the face of evil, and we will overcome it once more. The brightness of the human spirit will always outshine its darkest malevolence. For a second there I thought that word bore a striking resemblance to male violence.

History has but one law: progress, despite back-stepping. Think bigger than our views of today's reality. Imagine what is possible in the years, decades and centuries ahead. All that you imagine and envision what the future holds begins with your thoughts calling it into being. Whatever you can conjure in your wildest dreams you can materialize in a future reality. What do you envision, and what are you willing to do to bring it to fruition?

We can all live as one in peace and harmony. Our world has enough for everyone.

Resist evil. Love and heal.

An Accurate History of the Alt-Right

 The image and the following italicized text came direct from the neo-Nazi Daily Stormer blog:

Roughly four years ago, a new type of White nationalist movement began to form on the internet. This was mostly made-up of young people who were formulating ideas with minimal influence from prior White nationalist movements.

It was a situation of different online subcultures (some of which were influenced by older offline movements) coming together. These groups collided, based on their having reached common conclusions, and the result is what is now called the Alt-Right.

I am going to layout here these various factions, and what ultimately led them toward this center-point where we have all met. The campaign of Donald Trump is effectively the nexus of that centerpoint.

For more info., visit:
https://www.dailystormer.com/a-normies-guide-to-the-alt-right/https://www.dailystormer.com/a-normies-guide-to-the-alt-right/

First ever Trump speech to clearly condemn racist hate groups

Finally. As they say, better late than never. An excerpt of Trump's remarks, after self-aggrandizing about the economy, from his news conference about Charlottesville this morning:

"We must love each other, show affection for each other and unite together in condemnation of hatred, bigotry and violence. Racism is evil, and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including the KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremasts and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. We are a nation founded on the truth that all of us are created equal." -Donald Trump

Trump's remarks came a day after several GOP lawmakers pressed him to call out hate groups by name. The Daily Stormer has yet to post a response to Trump's latest remarks.

UPDATE 8/15: Trump back-peddled from the above statement to say: "You have some very bad people in that [neo Nazi] group, but you also had people that were very fine people on both sides."

Trump cannot stand firm against Nazis, thus he is a threat to civil society.

Window into the darkest side of humanity

Curiosity lead me to visit neo-Nazis' Daily Stormer "summer of hate edition" blog over the weekend. Couldn't spend much time there. A friend's Facebook post said it best and inspired the title for this post. The first two stories featured on this blog yesterday spoke volumes about the mentality of these deluded beings:

#1 Story: Road Rage Does NOT Represent White Supremacy – #HugANazi #RoadRageHasNoPolitics
Andrew Anglin Daily StormerAugust 13, 2017

The hypocrisy of discouraging violence clearly without the ability to connect the relational dots between hate speech and violence.

#2 Story: Heather Heyer: Woman Killed in Road Rage Incident was a Fat, Childless 32-Year-Old Slut
Andrew Anglin Daily StormerAugust 13, 2017

Complete dehumanization of the woman killed by a racist. And again the hypocrisy of the groups' weekend chants of "white lives matter."

The way a person treats another is a direct reflection of a person's relationship with self. Clearly the racists and bigots have a poor self image. Racism, bigotry, hatred-they're mental illnesses. Illness can be healed with effective treatment, first is has to be diagnosed.

American Culture on Illness & Mortality (Part 1)

An acquaintance I know through one of my social media Lyme disease groups (and who I've met a couple times in person; we were seeing the same Lyme-literate ND) had posted a while back about being laid up in bed, miserable due to her intensive new treatment protocol. She is far more ill than I am. Her post wasn't intended to share her misery or even solicit empathy. What she wanted was a good dose of humor to lighten her mood; to laugh in the face of darkness. So I made her the above meme. I ran across one similar in another social media Lyme forum, and those of us who are ailed with this affliction can really appreciate the humor in this. Laughter is the best medicine.

Lyme disease is definitely no laughing matter. Half of all U.S. counties have Lyme. The CDC gives a conservative estimate of 300,000 new U.S. cases annually. Due to outdated testing with many false-negative results, and a medical community that by-in-large dismisses or fails to understand Lyme, thousands of patients don't get the medical intervention they need to avoid long term chronic illness, which can become fatal. I'm fast-approaching the five year mark since I fell ill and now 21 months into integrative treatment.

My mother-in-law is my antithesis around broaching the subject of health. Even if it has been weeks or months since seeing her, usually she will work something into conversation about her deteriorating health, typically as part of her salutation or she'll just skip by the salutation altogether and dive right into complaining about her health. It's extremely off-putting. As the recipient of this information, I try to look engaged when I really just wish she would stop talking and leave me alone.

Here I am, also ailed, and finding it difficult to welcome her complaints nor bestow gracious empathy. My mother-in-law also does very little to support her own health, which I struggle to comprehend. So perhaps my story of confusion around how she falls short of dealing most effectively with her illness clouds the space I give her to unload on me.

I'm quite the opposite of my mother-in-law around the subject of my personal health. I've made a habit of not bringing it up to my friends and family. Here are a few of my reasons:

Foremost, forget politics, I get the sense a person's health is one of the all-time most taboo subjects. I'm sure there are myriad reasons for this. I sense among my peers illness and mortality are generally not topics most of us are ready to openly embrace, especially those like me who are middle age. Like religion, for example, our finite being in this world is very personal as much so as every individual's felt sense of purpose. I can certainly appreciate this, and yet I find it quite curious. Is this unique to American culture? How does American culture deal with the subject of illness and mortality differently than other cultures? Which culture deals with these subjects most gracefully and holistically? My inquiring mind wants to know.

Secondly, people want to talk about subjects they're interested in. Most people are not interested in hearing about your health, and that's perfectly OK.

Third, in the case of my illness in particular, it has seemed to me to have gone on for so long many of my friends have forgotten that I am still sick. Some have said they aren't sure whether it's something I'm comfortable discussing. When someone says that, I believe they're actually projecting their own discomfort in hearing about my illness back onto me. Touche and lame. Art makes people uncomfortable all the time, and yet there's still a place for it; we can still value it.

The other night my husband and I were out to dinner with another gay couple we've known for years.  One of them works in the health care industry. That night I was really struggling with breath shortness, my most loathed of all my symptoms. During such times I find it really difficult to be part of the conversation, virtually any conversation. Talking can be physically laborious for me when this symptom flairs.

Toward the end of our meal my breathing eased. I made mention of it only to explain why I wasn't contributing as much to the conversation. Something along the lines of having some breath shortness, that it has subsided otherwise I would have been more talkative. I received blank stares in response, a clear social cue to change topic. Even though both of our friends know what I've been grappling with over the years, there's never a check in about how I'm doing. More than half of my other friends check in out of care, and that feels kind to me.

Everyone is different, and I'm sure there are those out there living with chronic or terminal illness who are uncomfortable discussing it with others. My mom is one of those people who doesn't like people knowing about her stage four lung cancer and only talks about it with select people. For me personally, I appreciate being acknowledged for what I must endure to continue making it in the world.


Yes, we all have our daily struggles of putting food on our tables, etc. Those struggles in my life have not been replaced during the last five years with my struggles to recover my health. No, they've only further compounded my burdens. The only thing that has really changed is my physical aptitude to meet challenges day by day. For this, it would be nice to have a little more understanding, if not empathy, from others.

There's a great quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." -Wendy Mass

Matt Damon on the Ruling Elite

Truth.

BedFest 2017

It's not too late for an art submission to BedFest: http://www.meaction.net/bedfest/

As someone who has struggled with chronic illness for 4.5 years, I was moved to tears by this short music video. How does one not mourn the vibrant parts of one's self that have been lost to disease? I hope this inspires you as much as it has inspired me ...

LOVE

11/9 President Elect Trump

Trump's victory stunned a nation and the world this week. At first a somber, sobering mood gripped half the country; the other half erupted in boisterous celebration. America, actually the two Americas, we are at odds.

Being an ethnic and sexual minority, the voice of bigotry that ascended to our highest elected office is extremely disheartening. So many who are insulated from discrimination seem to have little if any understanding why this may be an issue. The following quoted text from an acquaintance's Facebook post is case in point:

"The amount of hate and saltiness today from people that preach inclusivity is astounding to me. If you are surprised that this happened then you truly are out of touch with the pain that real Americans have faced over the past 30 odd years. The rust belt has been devastated by horrible policies over that time and they went to the ballot box to do what they thought was best for their families. People didn't vote for racism. They voted for jobs and a stable life for their families.
Now we have to come together as a country and pray he does a good job. It will all be ok. The world will not end."

Here's how I responded:

"I read this post yesterday. Wasn't going to respond. It stuck with me though into today, and I'm compelled to attempt bridging some understanding ...

Tons of shit has been and is being flung from all sides. While waiting to watch Clinton's concession speech stream, I had to right swipe away the deluge of hateful comments from people mocking her supporters. Horribly heinous comments. And those types of comments weren't limited to that stream, they were all over social media and still are. I've mostly tuned out today.

Now, about the more unbridled election reactions from Clinton supporters ...

This has been a gruesome election. The country has been anxiously on edge for months and dragged through the mud. Emotions have been running high across America. That doesn't excuse the behavior of any voter/supporter/person when they lash out.

Billy, what millions of people in our country are coming to grips with now is not Trump supporters who voted for him, seeing beyond his bigotry (before he announced, after he announced, during the primaries and during the general ...), rather those who voted for him because of his bigotry.

When one is in the majority, and directly unaffected by discrimination, that piece to this story is unlikely to hit home. It's not something that person is ever likely to have experienced nor will experience. No one should have to.

People are coming to grips with who we really are as a country vs. who we thought ourselves to be. Still a large swath of our fellow Americans are bigots. That's not something we can legislate, we can only educate. It's one other aspect, a really big one, that divides our nation.

Policy aside, Trump's harsh rhetoric has given bigots a voice. His win of our highest elected office has emboldened those voices, and they're getting increasingly louder. People are genuinely afraid of what's to come. These emotions are real and they cannot be rationalized.

Most every human wants to feel they belong in some way, that they are part of something much greater, especially in their own country. Everyone wants to know they have a seat at the proverbial table; inclusivity. Many Americans, myself included, are experiencing a profound sense of alienation as a result of the bigotry narrative and the powerful voices it's unleashing.

What's also become clear is we're all feeling pain. That isn't unique or limited to an out-of-work coal miner or factory hand. We all have our struggles and we all suffer for many numbers of causes. It's part of life, part of being human.

Can we all stand together, say to one another "I care about your suffering and I'm here." and mean it? If so, we could very easily be one nation.

Food for thought ..."

The part I left out is this: When a person fails to condemn ill behavior, they essentially condone it. So many of Trump's supporters claim to not be racist or what have you, yet make no stand in opposition to this narrative.

So many other variables at play. Will Trump stick to his campaign promises? Will he offer too much information to Putin, his Russian ally? Will loose lips sink this ship?

We are already seeing signs Trump may waver on big things he promised to undo, like the ACA. What impact will this have on his heartiest supporters? Will Trump condemn the bullying and hate speech?

So many questions only time will tell. The markets dislike unpredictability, it's unstable. Our country suddenly feels like reality TV, and everyone is waiting with baited breath (still) to see what happens next ...

Remnants

Only since 2000 have I known my biological half brother. He and his family came out for their inaugural visit to Seattle from D.C. this month and left early this week. My heart is full. And as I see traces of their time here; small handprints on windows, the end half of a broken blue crayon, an adult ticket for a roundtrip ride on the monorail, the hoola-hoop I promised to (and will) mail to my niece ... I am reminded of their presence still in my life despite the many hundreds of miles between us.

If I'm dreaming please wake me ...

So China says to the US, "Heyyy, gurl, I know you ain't sayin' I've got problems with human rights" as she tosses her hair back, gives a snap of her fingers with her other hand firmly on her hip and then gives a side-to-side head bob.

Essentially that's the jist of an article my friend Zarina posted to her Facebook page to which she further remarked: "If this trend continues the US will be in deep doo-doo."

My response: "The US already is in deep doo-doo. We have an impotent congress latched tightly onto the teat of corporate greed and corruption. We have two loathed POTUS candidates, one the lesser of two evils. We have deep-rooted racism and classism. We have a wide and rapidly more widening gap between the haves and the have nots. We have a culture whereas the populous is nearly evenly divided between those who care about the needs of their fellow man and those concerned only with their own needs (the majority of the latter often ignorantly voting against their own self interests). Divided we fall ...

I recently met a lovely young woman from Nigeria who has traveled the globe and lived in countries on several continents. She said she's never seen poverty like she has here in the US. I know too well what she's taking about. Just take an Amtrak ride through the NE corridor. Between the gleaming downtowns of our major cities it looks like the war-torn ruins of some third world country.

In her native country, people commonly ask one another if they've eaten, and they feed one another if they have not. That kind of communal culture is rare to find in the US.

She's working with one of our local county council members on a project around our state prison system. In liberal Seattle, Washington, where about three percent of our population is black, at least 70 percent of our prison population also is. And the majority of crimes that demographic are convicted of are minor, non-violent offenses. Something is very wrong with that picture."

I think on the horrible acts of police violence we've been seeing in recent weeks and days against black men. Then of recent horrible violence against police. I take comfort in a quote I saw circulating social media this past week:

I think on our current male, nay white male-dominated paradigm, and I am delighted to see more female world leaders. Yet I'm a bit disturbed by the new UK prime minister's recent remarks:

“We will do everything we can to give you more control over your lives. When we take the big calls, we will think not of the powerful, but you. When we pass new laws, we will listen not to the mighty, but to you. When it comes to taxes, we will prioritise not the wealthy, but you.”

Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive here. Was Theresa May actually insinuating the common people are NOT powerful? NOT mighty? NOT wealthy? Her remarks really and truly gives a sense the common people ought to have reason to be grateful to their lawmakers. What a back-asswards concept. Public servants ought to be humbly grateful for the esteemed honor of representing their constituents. When is that ever the case in this day and age? OK, Bernie Sanders is the exception, far from the rule.

What a peculiar place, this modern world ...

Thoughts on Orlando & America's mass shooting epidemic

Seattleites gather for a candlelight vigil at Cal Anderson Park Sunday, June 12 after the most fatal mass shooting in American history.

A year ago at this time our community (LGBT & allied) came together to rejoice and celebrate the SCOTUS ruling on marriage equality. What a devastating turn of events to come together around this June.

What happened in Orlando was a senseless, diabolical act of violence. We can take a political stance and point fingers, assign blame. Where does that really get us? No where, just fighting among ourselves like children. That's exactly what our two, mainstream political parties seem designed to have us do. A system influenced by antiquated, feudal society to have the common class fighting among itself while the ruling class screw us.

If we take a step back from each of these horrific mass shooting tragedies we can learn something from them. Then we can apply it. That's what we have the opportunity and ability to do if we so choose.

The greatest problem to solve for is us, as a society. We are quick to want an answer, a simple truth and a rapid solution. We have a complex, multi-layered problem on our hands. This isn't someone else's problem, it's ours to figure out, together. What are we as citizens doing to make our U.S. a respectable place where we can all feel secure and liberated?
 

I have in past years volunteered to select recipients for an LGBT scholarship program. One of the brightest minds I had the privilege to meet and interview was an 18 year old who had spent his summer retrofitting a VW bus to use biodiesel, learned how to make biodiesel and then traveled throughout Central and South America showing poor communities how to create and benefit from this more eco-friendly energy source.

As part of the selection process interview, we asked this hopeful what the greatest problem is facing our world and the solution to it. He took quite a bit of time pondering before uttering a word. When he finally spoke his answer, it surprised us. It was simple, amazing and simply amazing: Thoughtlessness.

The student further explained, especially in our Information Age society, we expect to have everything on demand, in the blink of an eye. We are therefore pressured to come up with quick answers to complex problems, and we often fail to come up with the most sound, effective solutions for this reason.

When the immediate emotional aftermath of such horrific events settles, perhaps we, too, as a people, as neighbors, Americans, human beings, etc. Maybe we can brush aside our differences, conduct a deep review of the facts, which for today's incident will be investigated for quite some time to come, and then we can begin being thoughtful about solutions that will make a positive, lasting difference.

That's not up to God, or POTUS or Congress, it's up to us how we choose to move forward in the face of adversity and senseless, hate-fueled tragedy.

May love win, always ...

What World Do We Live In?

Went to a client's housewarming party this afternoon. He has a lovely, eclectic group of friends. I met people from China, Israel, Mexico and Nigeria. My client is from India.

In high school I found myself gravitating toward the foreign exchange students. To look at our world through someone else's eyes, from a completely different perspective, I find that fascinating. I still do.

So getting beyond the initial "where are you from" icebreaker, this gal from Nigeria (wish I had gotten her name) and I had quite the exchange. She made quite the declarative statement about the U.S. not being a first world country. I couldn't agree more.

In 2009 I took Amtrak down the Northeast corridor from New York to D.C. Between each gleaming capitalist mecca of skyscrapers were the most bombed-out-looking, decaying townships of urban blight you've ever seen. These scenes looked very reminiscent of the most run down, down-and-out parts of Detroit. In 2014 I took Amtrak up the Northeast corridor from D.C. to New York. The picture gliding by out the window didn't look any better. Buildings boarded up or half open in ruin, piles of bricks, weeds growing out of streets. It looked completely post-apocalyptic. This is America?!

This beautiful young woman I spoke with at the party from Nigeria thinks at least forty percent of America lives in a substandard state of poverty. In her home country, she said even the poorest of the poor can still get by. Her people take pride in helping others. She said her people routinely ask each other if they've eaten. She said if she were starving here in Seattle, perhaps she would only call on her closest friends for help. Back home it would just be granted by whomever.

My new acquaintance from Nigeria also spoke of some time she spent in Chicago. She was shocked by the urban blight she saw there, ruins of neighborhoods, horribly impoverished ghettos, which she drove through for about forty five minutes before the scenery improved. She has traveled all over the world, and thinks America by far is the most racist country on the planet.

From her perspective, the saddest thing about this other America, the decaying third world part of our wealthiest country in the history of mankind, is many who live in these squalored conditions are unaware of their situation. They still think they live in the greatest country on Earth, and most are compliant to believe what they're told by the media (which is corporate controlled).

We're only as strong as our weakest link, and we have some terribly weak links. Wealth inequality is one thing. The extreme disenfranchisement of millions is another.

Speaking of, my new acquaintance is being mentored by King County councilmember Larry Gossett, who is working to reform Washington's prison system. She mentioned about seventy percent of our prison system inmates are black. That's when I piped up, "But isn't our total black population here around three percent?!" Yes, she agreed I had it right. OK, that's insane. One of the smallest segments of our general population comprise nearly three quarters of our prison population.

And we also covered the topic of government surveillance. She said it's nearly as bad as what occurred in the former Soviet Union. On the contrary I would say far worse. We have so much more technology at our disposal, thus you need far less man power to more comprehensively know what the population is up to every moment of everyday.

She remarked sometimes she's thinking about something only to a short while later be Googling something and see an ad representing the topic she had just be thinking about. She said it may sound crazy but she thinks they've found ways into our minds.

I don't think it sounds crazy at all. I don't think it's happening quite the way she alluded to. There's a stream of consciousness, and some of that stream may be forced, such as through broadcast frequencies, etc.

It amazes me how much America condemned Soviet surveillance of its citizens during the Cold War, and yet what America is doing to its own citizens here and now goes far beyond. Was pre-1989 America different?

Oddly enough one of the first online topics that caught my eye after the party was my friend Richard's posting, a WIRED article about surveillance: http://www.wired.com/2013/06/why-i-have-nothing-to-hide-is-the-wrong-way-to-think-about-surveillance/

It's important to be aware, to know the truth and to help others. For this reason I believe it is essential to do some form of inward looking/meditation on a daily basis. Some way to calm the mind and tune out.

During my drive home from the party I listened to NPR, which featured an intriguing On Being segment. Today's guest was writer Rebecca Solnit. She searches for the hidden, transformative histories inside events we chronicle merely as disasters, in places like post-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans. She writes that, so often, "when all the ordinary divides and patterns are shattered, people step up to become their brothers' keepers. And that purposefulness and connectedness bring joy even amidst death, chaos, fear, and loss."

I was just talking with my mom about this very thing the other day, the hidden beauty shrouded in our darkest struggles.

On a final note, because so many more days are physical struggles for me than not, my perspective around problems has shifted. A long time friend of mine sent me a text this evening about how his ex lied to him about where they were and who they were with. This friend along with many of my other friends usually avoid asking me how I'm doing. Not that its a prerequisite, it would be nice. Sometimes I think that I've been sick so long people have forgotten. Then again, I don't see friends very often. I pointed out to this friend what a luxury it is to be concerned about what other silly humans are doing. That the trivial weight of such burdens is in some ways enviable. They insisted this was bad because they were lied to. I reminded my friend he and his ex have had many lies between them over the years. I asked whether they were surprised.

I don't intend to lack compassion around such things. I just really couldn't care less.