IMPORTANT PSA

100 Years of Men's Fashion

Nevermind that he's flawlessly beautiful, the styles are amazing throughout the eras ...

ENIGMA

If you haven't seen the documentary IRIS, you're missing out on a cultural icon; a true enigma. http://www.magpictures.com/iris/

Coincidentally, a recent past client cut me a few purple Irises from her garden a couple hours before I saw this documentary. She was unaware of my plans. Just one of those little synchronistic life events I felt compelled to make note of ...

Project Jill Doll

My dear friend Grace came into town last week for some client and family visits. Friday night I drove up to spend some time with her at her folks' house just a little ways north of the city. I always find it so amusing the evolution of conversation and activity in any setting. On this particular Friday night, I was brought back in time and allowed some childhood nostalgia.

Grace had just received her aunt's old Jill Doll. Here's a little history lesson. Jill Dolls were all the rage of the 1950's, allowing girls the opportunity to be on the forefront of couture. I have to admit, after seeing this vintage doll and all her accessories, she was pretty damn fashion forward (even by today's standards).

What started out as an innocent exploration of the doll and her belongings quickly transformed into a game Grace and I played with her sister. We gave one another fashion assignments and had to dress Jill accordingly. Each of these assignments were then followed by a small photo shoot with our trusty digital cameras and Jill's original, fabulous vintage box as the backdrop.

Let's start the show:

LONDON HIGH TEA
Here we see Jill dressed for a high tea engagement with a fashion editor in London. She remains well poised yet edgy in her blue silk slacks and white, open-toed heels. She's an elegant woman who isn't messing around when it comes to gettin' shit did. Jill ties a bit of tradition into her ensemble with a gorgeous white stoal and a lovely string of pearls. Her bag is a carry all which doubles as a portfolio case. Jill's stunning attire will certainly impress.

NEW YORK AFTERNOON

Here we see Jill hailing a cab dressed for an afternoon of success in New York City. I styled her hair up because sophistication should be paired with functionality. She's wearing a sporting animal print tube top, high nickers with an oversize belt, dashing heels and a very chic jacket with white accents. Of course she's a smart girl so she specifically chose her white horn rimmed glasses to match her outfit. No woman would be completely dressed without a bag, and Jill's is a simple, black over-the-shoulder carry all.

SUNDAY DINNER WITH THE FAMILY

Jill is always practical yet stylish. Here you see her wearing a simple, vintage pattern dress with diamond head print. While she looks a bit more '50s wholesome housewife, she also draws inspiration from Little Edie Beale by repurposing her stoal as a head wrap. Very fashion forward. Jill adds tradition with her beautiful string of pearls, which tie in nicely with her silver satin and pearlescent sling back mules. Of course she would be remiss if she didn't bring something to Sunday dinner, so under her right arm she carries a honey baked ham. Mmmm, Jill looks delicious.

SHOPPING ON RODEO DRIVE

Here we see Jill sellin' it Beverly Hills style. She looks hot enough to fuck Richard Gere, or perhaps even turn him straight. A bit on the tarty side, polka dots certainly scream garish L.A. Let's face it, those people have nothing else to live for. This entire ensemble is a Vivien Westwood. Just kidding, it's actually an original Margo Montoya. Isn't her hat the most?! Really, call the fire dept., this is one scorching hot ensemble!

VIETNAMESE PROSTITUTE

"Ten dollar suckie-suckie, fuckie-fuckie," says Jill, who is more Miss Saigon streetwalker in this pure silk teal kimono top. Hanging off her right tit, Jill wears her unplanned newborn. The deliery is so fresh the afterbirth is still resting between her legs. Now that she's had the baby, her twat is prêt-à-porter, mmmmkay!

Super Skanks

There's only one word for this pathetic piece of inbred white trash: mess. Britney Spears is a total disaster. C'mon, honey, pull yourself together. Sure, you're battling some mental illness, but you're over medicated and don't know how to take care of yourself.

And then there's loser Lindsay Lohan, who was totally cracked out on her way to rehab. Oh, poor child doesn't know how to party. She can't hold her liquor or her coke very well. What a mess.

What do these two bimbos have in common? Blonde hair, loose vaginas, cheap gray sweatshirts from American Apparel and equally bad taste in lifestyle habits. You go, gurls! Lord have mercy, Jesus wept on these two ...

Shop Talk

So my girlfriend Snow and I met at 4:00 p.m. on Friday for happy hour. OK, premature happy hour. OK, shopping and then premature happy hour.

One of our trusty stops was to Nordstrom's flagship store downtown. Admittedly we initially ventured in to see whether the beau hunk, who flirted with me to no end when he rang up the fantastic shirt I purchased for that hoedown party several weeks ago, was on the job. Unfortunately he wasn't, but Snow and I had just as much fun on the main level playing with all the jewelry and accessories.

A favorite section of the store is the extensive sunglasses area. Walls of small cubbies backed with mirrored glass featuring the latest in primairly women's or unisex designer sunshades for the eyes.

Snow picked me out an obnoxious pair of oversize, black and jewel encrusted D&G's to try on, and said. "These are the kind Britney Spears wears," as I was placing them on my face in the mirror.

"Um, these look like shit, but doesn't that just figure if Britney is into such garrish accessories from this particular designer," I replied. "If Britney is wearing these, no one in their right mind is going to buy them. Bad move for Dolce & Gabanna having such a garbage person as a poster child for their brand."

As I was making these remarks I hadn't noticed the slender (gaunt) older sales woman (probably around 60ish) who turned the corner sharply, with her gray hair pulled back tight, head to toe in conservative black with matching black high heel boots. She leered sharply at Snow and I.

We were just walking away, and inside I felt a slight burning about how passive aggressively rude this woman came across in the sneering look she flashed our way. So, I turned back around to her and gave her one of my favorite lines from AbFab.

"You can drop the attitude, you only work in a shop," I recited. Then we continued on our way out of her accessory domaine. Rude. Totally un-Nordstromlike.

Was the sales woman upset because we were fondling her $300 - $400 accessories or was she upset about the comments we made about Britney? Either way, she's not commissioned to have a dissenting opinion as much as she was hired for the primary purpose of serving habitual shoppers like Snow and I. I mean really, we were just having a little fun. Isn't that what shopping is all about?! Bitch ...

Gettin' ready for a showdown @ the hoedown ...

No western outfit would be complete without the essentials, some of these -->

So after a nice lunch with Ben, I needed to get myself together for the night's main event, the hoedown in Bothell, which is truly the frontier.

Got me some ox blood colored shit kickers from Old Duffers Stuff at the Pike Place Market. Then onto Metro Tailoring to pick up the ol' dungarees that I was having altered. Last, but certainly not least, a stop by Byrnie Utz Hats to pick up mine.

I was just grabbing my dungarees when he called, a new interest of sorts. Oddly enough he has the same first name as the one who stopped my heart in its tracks at the hoedown. So if it goes anywhere, I'll have to formulate a nickname, or best yet just to not let it go anywhere but funville.