RETROGRADE

02/12: All the way back to Feb. '14 - the first of three Mercury retrograde cycles for the year - I get entangled in three back-to-back traffic jam ups from hell. A prospect sends me on - what turned out in the end to be - a wild goose chase to scout some Eastside properties in Newcastle. I figure I'd bang this out on my way to get my haircut in Seattle's Central District (CD). Every route from point A to B is a cluster fuck. I even find a bypass option to cruise back into Town only to have a shutdown on one of only two trans-lake routes, requiring me to double back and take an alternate, sluggish route across Lake Washington (at least traffic was moving). I arrived at my appointment surprisingly only 15 minutes late.

E. Smiley (yes, his real last name is Smiley) has been my tried and true stylist since 2000. In fact, I think his is one of the longest male relationships I've had in my life - healthy one anyway. Usually the stylist cuts and styles while the client yammers on sharing tales of woe. Our relationship has always been quite the contrary. Foremost, there is nary a tale of woe and usually a tale of WOAH!

Smiley has historically owned being an interesting human as well as knowing many others. When I saw him this last week he said, for the first time ever, "I live a multifaceted life." Sure, the context for this statement was really his way of rationalizing oversleeping and arriving 15 minutes late to open his business. Certainly forgivable, as was my tardiness, and nonetheless it's an uber true statement.

Some of his celebrity clientele have included Iceland's most famous human Bjork, the Indonesian Consulate in San Francisco's exclusive Pacific Heights, which hired him to style hair for a group of cultural dancers, and even the first sister. I digress ...

Smiley seen top right styling President Barack Obama's sister's hair at Blair House in preparation for the first inaugural ball in January 2009. They met through a mutual friend in Hawaii. At the time they met, Smiley was unaware of her relationship to the man who is our first person of color to become leader of the "free" world.

Smiley mostly works out of his salon in the CD. He also cuts hair in San Francisco once a month. When I saw him on the 12th of February, he had just returned from a very adventurous "trip" in The City.

Many of Smiley's stories begin with "I know this guy (blank), he's one of the most beautiful people you've ever seen." Then comes the interest-piquing description followed by the story of what occurred. In this case I already feel like I've over shared about my long time friend and stylist. Suffice to say after Smiley indulged me in his psychedelic interlude, I was reminded of a "trip" I took back in college, June 1995. So I indulged him in the following tale ...

My pal Mark phones me up out of the blue one day, asking if I want to go see a Grateful Dead concert with he and a couple of his buddies. I had never been to a Dead show before. Had only heard legends. So I say, "sure! When is it?" Tomorrow. Of course I'm going.

I hadn't met Mark's buds Jesse and Caleb before. They were decent enough guys, funny even. The three of them picked me up in some older two-door Japanese import hatch-back thing-a-ma-giggy. Soon after I piled in the back, a thick fog filled the car. As well as, fog clung to the coast, enshrouding San Luis Obispo under a soft, fluffy gray duvet. The fog remained along the California coastal interior during the three and some odd hour drive north to Mountain View.

We arrived to Shoreline Amphitheatre sometime in the middle of a gray, overcast afternoon. A huge area of the parking lot was somewhat of a renaissance festival-looking mecca. Like this medieval village of hippies and such frolicking around, selling goods, bartering and what not.

We're sitting in the car, taking it all in. Mark pulls out four plastic ziploc baggies with equal amounts of some dry, organic matter. Each weighing about a quarter ounce. The plan was to imbibe, get tickets, enter amphitheatre, enjoy concert. The first part of the plan was flawlessly executed, sort of. The organics were dry, chewy and tasted terrible like 1,000 year old moldy dirt. So flawless is all relative, we choked down our goal of finishing the organics.

It didn't take long for the organics to kick in. Somehow, between leaving the car in the parking lot and entering the ampitheatre Mark and I took an unexpected detour. We thought the four of us were wandering through the hippie village. It was so incredibly fun and festive. Makeshift tents, people all about with kind expressions on their faces. Whiffs of marijuana smoke. Edibles with a crystal, sugary finish. Vibrant paintings and other various artisan crafts. People playing music; guitars, flutes, harps. We took it all in, the colors, flavors - the incredible magic of it all. Suddenly we realize it's just the two of us, Mark and I. Neither Jesse nor Caleb are anywhere to be seen. They're our tickets into the show and our purpose for being there.

Suddenly our mood shifts as does the crowd of people passing by us. There's neediness in the air. People are talking to us, begging, hands outstretched to us. "Miracle me!" they said. They were on the same path as us, no ticket in and looking for help.

I'm not entirely sure why, Mark had left the car wearing a very native American looking blanket. I hadn't noticed this until I followed him up to the top of this hill on the far side of the hippie village. He stood there so purposefully, spread his arms out to each side such that the blanket was near fully deployed. It was almost as if he took the majestic form of an eagle. His eyes were in full focus and all his energy was now being honed in on one task; find Jesse and Caleb.

His gaze roamed slowly and then stopped. Mark was still like a statue. Then he drew his right wing, er, arm out in front of him and pointed. "There they are." We must have been a couple football fields away from the amphitheatre at this point. Even so, I looked right where he was pointing and saw them both standing near the entrance. We looked at one another and without uttering a word between us, we high-tailed it down the hill, across the hippie village and to a ticket booth area. Sure as the day was cloudy the two of them were standing there, looking as if they also had been searching for us.

Our reunion was a happy one. They had our tickets. We didn't need to join the hippie zombies wandering about asking for a miracle.

I don't recall whether there was an opening act. If there was, we missed it. Daylight was fading. Stage lights were raising. Shoreline Amphitheatre is general "seating." It's a bowl-like stadium of rolling lawn and a big stage. The Grateful Dead was jamming away when we entered, a sea of silhouette bobbing heads stretched out before us and on either side. It was like peering through a wide angle lens that blurred colors. You could see vibrations emanating from the crowd and the musicians. It was one of the most glorious, joyful experiences I've ever had.

We moved in closer to the crowd. I nearly felt hypnotized. The only thing that occasionally snapped me out of my stupor was the four of us exchanging glances from time-to-time with shit-eating grins etched into our faces. Time either sped up or at times no longer existed.

In the middle of the show, the band abandoned the stage. What appeared to be dozens of bald, red-robed monks lined up across the stage. They began a deep, guttural chant. If I felt hypnotized before, this was one of the most divine and soothing melodies my ears had ever known. The crowd started to sporadically gasp and point up to the sky. I drew my gaze heavenward. I couldn't believe what I saw.

Directly above the center of the amphitheatre, which had been blanketed by marine layer the entire day, a small opening to the night sky pierced through the clouds. I continued looking skyward as the hole opened wider and wider. The chanting continued steady, rhythmic, ancient and mystical. This continued for an unknown period of time. When the monks' chanting ended, a circle of clear, night sky just above and within the amphitheatre perimeter sparkled with stars. In every direction outside the amphitheatre perimeter, as far as the eye could see, the sky was a smokey orange reflection of Bay Area city light on overcast skies. Perhaps this was the miracle all those dirty hippies were asking for? In my all of barely being 21 years old, all I could manage to think about what we were seeing was "holy shit!"

Back at university the following Monday, I had spoken with some classmates who had also been to the concert. They had only had a few beers. They, too, saw what we did during the monks' chanting.

Smiley seemed to really enjoy my story. It's only taken till the end of the third retrograde cycle this year for me to jot this note about it. No matter what has become of me or my body during the past couple years that has restrained my ability to live life as fully as I once did, I know I have lived and lived more wholly than most. This is not a bragging right, or maybe in some metaphysical way it is (doubt it). I just feel so incredible grateful to have had such a truly remarkable experience in my life.

Each one of my amazing life experiences is somewhere in my mind waiting for me to mine it like a diamond. Maybe that's what my dearly departed Grandma was referring to a few nights ago in my dream, about waking up with a string of diamonds. Perhaps she intended it was me who would awaken and begin wordsmithing again.

Oh, I almost forgot. Because Smiley and I were wearing similar gray and black striped shirts that day in February 2014, I thought it would be fun to capture our realization of this moment.

As well, I really dug the painting that hung on the wall behind his workstation. Something about it also brought me way back to that gray June day in 1995 ...

Oct. 23rd & 24th Dreams ...

Oct. 23rd: If I had taken the time to jot these two dreams down sooner, I may have recalled much more detail. I was cranking a grinder and some bright, pink meat was beginning to emerge from the spout. There was something else in my dream the shade of pink - can't recall. My dearly departed Grandma was present in this dream. That I'm certain of. In previous dreams where she appears, she seldom if ever speaks. In this one she said things that didn't make much sense to me. I forget the first sentence she uttered other than it was quite strange. The second sentence is pretty clear. She said "When I woke up this morning I was wearing a new string of diamonds." Next I vaguely recall either thinking or someone whispering that she's going senile. That's all I remember.

Oct. 24th: So I'm at this really funky bar/lounge in some city (likely an American city). The walls and ceiling of this joint are painted as black as outer space. I feel like the floor is covered with astroturf. The bar is white, kind of retro-atomic-modern looking and probably forged of metal. There are rows of high-backed, pleated upholstered booths lining the walls. I'm just to one side of the bar, chit chatting it up with Martin Gore and Dave Gahan or maybe it was Vince Clarke of Depeche Mode. I vaguely recall perhaps thinking my agent was in the process of arranging a formal interview for me with Martin. I also think David Bowie was a patron at this establishment while I was there.

After the conversation winds down, I move over to the bar. I'm deliberating beverage selection. I'm handed a very simple/elegant menu and then a smaller one with specialty cocktails. They were all quite exotic. At first I was going to order something with hard liquor. Then I'm suddenly also an observer of myself. (In real life I cannot drink alcohol as my body cannot process it properly and I easily dehydrate.) I'm consciously now in control of my beverage choice as though I'm conscious I'm dreaming and yet able to continue dreaming. I ask which of the specialty drinks are wine based. I don't quite recall the names, they were all intriguing, each one of them very alluring. I select a drink.

There's a woman next to me. She's I think drinking the same thing I just ordered. My drink arrives and I begin to imbibe, slowly, carefully. That's about all I can remember. I feel like there was another dream layered on this one. Alas my mind goes blank.

Interpretations

Pink: Represents love, joy sweetness, happiness, affection, kindness. Being in love or healing through love is also implied with this color.

Grind: To dream you are grinding something represents repetition. Your life is too much of a routine. The dream may thus be a metaphor for the "daily grind." Alternatively the dream could mean that you have "an axe to grind" with someone. Are you harboring any feelings of resentment?


Meat: To see raw meat in your dream signifies there will be many obstacles and discouragement in achieving your goals. Alternatively it may reflect your untamed, animalistic nature and raw emotions.

Grandma: To see your grandmother in your dream represents nurturance, protection and unconditional love. Consider the qualities and characteristics that exist in your own grandma. (Yep. That about sums it up)

Diamonds: To dream of owning diamonds is a very propitious dream, signifying great honor and recognition from high places. Diamonds are omens of good luck.

Bar: Seeing a bar denotes activity in communities, quick uplifting of fortunes and the consummation of illicit desires. This can also signify one's desire to escape from the stresses of daily life and retreat into a light-hearted environment where pleasure abounds. Or one is seeking for acceptance in some respect of one's daily life.

Musician(s): Music or a musician in your dream indicates you have the ability to channel. You can communicate with discarnate spirits. If you accept you are a body with a soul, then communication with spirit is not so alien. It is merely one soul communicating with another.

Menu: Studying a menu or bill or fare is an omen that you need not worry about having plenty for comfortable living. It may also indicate you are seeking some spiritual or emotional nourishment. Consider the type of items that were on the menu and the costs to determine how much value you are placing on each item.

Drink: To see someone drinking (anything) in your dream foretells years spent in academic learning. You will add many degrees after your name. To dream of drinking alcohol denotes you are seeking either pleasure or escape. Spiritually there is a belief that the drinking of wine is, or symbolizes, the imbibing of Divine life and power. To be drinking in a dream is to be absorbing or taking something in. What we are drinking is also important, e.g. fruit juice would indicate we are aware of the need for cleansing and purity.

Woman: To see a woman in your dream represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature and love. It refers to your own female aspects or may also represent your mother.

Oct. 18th Dream ...

Ever had a dream inside a dream? I think I may have last night. Not sure how long ago it was or whether I jotted it down. My sense is it may have been months back. I had a dream I spontaneously took an international trip for a couple weeks. Memory of exactly where I went and what I did while there is a bit fuzzy. My first port of call was somewhere in Asia, like Taipei or Singapore. My time there was brief, perhaps a day or two at most. So really a glorified layover. I then continued onto Europe. Paris, Berlin and I think Prague, not sure what order. I think I started in Prague, made my way by train to Berlin and lastly by train to Paris before returning home.

The reason I'm recalling this is because in last night's dream I shared the details about my travels to someone in my dream. The someone I believe was a guy I was in real life with on an exchange program to Germany in the summer of 1989. The details I shared with him in my dream seemed so real to me, as though I had actually in fact had the experience in real life; like an actual memory. When I awoke, I asked my husband if in the past few years I had taken a spontaneous trip to the Far East and Europe. He confirmed I had not.

In that same part of the dream, I recall emerging from a silver car, smoking a cigarette. I also recall having a negative judgement about it as though I was at the same time an on-looker. I recall a beautiful, old, moss-covered palace of a cathedral with huge, incredible and vividly colorful stained-glass windows.

I had another dream, this one a bit more disconcerting. I, too, was diagnosed with cancer like my mom in real life. In my dream, she received her diagnosis and I received mine shortly following. I recall this hollow feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. I also recall being on the hunt for medical answers and treatment at medical-looking facilities.

Since I'm notating this late in the day, I think it's about all I can recall from around 7 AM when I began stirring.

Cancer: To dream of cancer denotes illness of someone near you. Depressions may follow the man of affairs after this dream. To dream that you have cancer denotes hopelessness, grief, self-pity and unforgiveness. You feel you are wasting your life away. This dream also represents areas in your life which are bothering you, disturbing you and hurting you in some emotional way. To dream you are being treated for cancer signifies a positive change in your life. To dream that someone has cancer indicates you need to change your negative way of thinking before it creates a cancer in you. Start being more positive. Symbolically, Cancer represents the Moon, the Eternal Mother and the astrological sign of Cancer (which my husband is). Intellectually we may have worked through our fears but still be left with attitudes and beliefs that cannot be cleared away. Very often this appears as cancer or illness in dreams and equally can represent something 'eating away' at us - usually a negative idea or concept. Cancer is one of the prime fears that a human being has to deal with, so to dream of a cancer indicates we are out of harmony with our body. It also indicates fear of illness. In a man's dream his focus may be on his attitude to his mother or mothering.

Church: To see the outside of a church in your dream signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred. It may also represent a need to be appreciated by those you love.

Dream: To dream you are dreaming signifies your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through.

Memory: To dream about a memory suggests you are ready to rid yourself of your old ways and undergo some sort of transformation and new outlook in life. Recalling a memory in your dream may also be less of a shock than if you had recalled the memory in your waken state. It indicates that you may have learned something from your past.

Silver: To see silver in your dream symbolizes the moon, intuition and the feminine aspects of yourself. This may be in the sense we are available, yet remote. It signifies tranquility and understated confidence. Silver color represents justice and purity. It is symbolic of some protective energy.

Smoking: To dream you are smoking indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in.

Travel: Travel is a dream that has several meanings and should be used in the dream as a stand alone as meaning a wish to leave your present environment. A dream of traveling in a car full of people usually means you will be making new friends and enjoying life more.

Oct. 15th Dream ...

One minute I'm shopping, browsing some elegant store for a formal tuxedo scarf. The next minute I'm driving my pet white Bengal tiger around. As far as dreams go, this one is pretty fabulous! Well mostly. Admittedly I had just a bit of apprehension being in the company of such a majestic and fiercely deadly creature. At the same time, I wholeheartedly admired this animal's ethereal beauty.

So I'm driving this beast of an animal around in an SUV. It's sprawled out in the back seat. A beautiful, vacant brick home catches my attention. My sense told me it was going to be listed for sale. I pulled into the driveway. I recall it may have been dusk, and there was ample daylight upon entry. We, the tiger and I, went in through the garage. I then recall an empty living room with beautiful, dark stained, wide-plank wood floors and somewhat rustic-finish, off white walls.

While this home appeared to have no inhabitants, I thought I would carefully investigate, especially considering I was trespassing. The tiger sprawled out on the wood floors, and playfully stretched out its front paws, one at a time, before coming to a rest.

I crept upstairs, which led me to a long, rectangular shaped room, flanked by a series of doors on one side which all appeared to lead to the same, large, master suite-like room. All the walls and woodwork were stark white. One of the double doors was slightly ajar, so I peered inside. A queen size bed with no frame laid on the floor. The mattress was dressed in hospital green bedsheets, which had been pulled back and were rippled as though someone had recently been occupying it. A Seahawks baseball hat rested on the far right corner at the foot of the bed. Someone is clearly living here, and I had the sense of not being alone. At the same time I also had the sense of not being noticed. I wanted to keep it that way.

I crept back downstairs to gather the tiger and make as quick and quiet an exit as possible. It had grown darker since I first entered, and I realized I had turned on a few interior lights. I switched them back off in an effort to leave things as they were before the tiger and I trespassed as to not cause anyone alarm.

My tiger was pleased to see me when I returned to the living room where it (not sure if male or female) had been resting. Upon seeing me, the tiger sprang to all fours in a manner which suggested it was feeling playful. I whispered sternly it wasn't play time and pointed with great intention toward the door we had first entered through. At that moment I felt great uncertainty about what the tiger was going to do next. Was it hungry? Would it rip an appendage from me and snack on it? The tiger lunged and then rubbed its head on me affectionately before turning toward the door. I exhaled with a heavy sigh of relief.

As quietly as I could, I led the tiger back toward the car. As I had to turn back around to gingerly pull the garage door closed, I had the sense the tiger continued wandering. With the door shut, I refocused my attention on it as it headed into an orange streetlight bathed street. There were no other cars, no people walking nearby in this moment. I called after the tiger in the loudest whisper I could muster as I opened the back car door to further assist with luring it back into confinement. It let out one roar of acknowledgement, turned tail and sprang into the backseat. That's pretty much all I remember before waking up.

Here are some interpretations:
Shopping: This generally means those things that you need (affection, friendship, spiritual support, quality time with people you care about) are available to you. However, you may need to learn exactly where to look, how to select what you need and how to ask for these things when you need them. This dream calls upon you to know yourself. Before you can ask for or get what you need, you need to figure out what it is that you want.

Tiger: To dream of a tiger advancing toward you, you will be tormented and persecuted by enemies. To see one running away from you is a sign that you will overcome opposition and rise to high positions. To see them in cages foretells that you will foil your adversaries.

House: Because I frequently dream of houses or homes, I know this is representative of one's soul. If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity. To see a new house in your dream indicates you are entering a new phase or new area in your life. Being aware of someone else in the house suggests that we may be feeling threatened by an aspect of our own personality. Being outside a house depicts our more public side and how we relate to external interests.

Life's Small Miracles in Two Cities

Have you ever been at your best and worst at the same time? Life keeps throwing proverbial curve balls, one after the other, sometimes simultaneous. You press on through the challenges head on. Overwhelmed often times, seemingly unable to catch a break.

In 20 days I will run out of thyroid medication, which has enabled me to live a normalesque quality of life. I'm supposed to be out of the country the week after next. My chronic symptoms, such as having reactions to basic foods I'm accustomed to eating, have flared up during the past few weeks.

My mom is battling stage four lung cancer, health benefits close to expiring, living on a small fraction of median income, desperately needing affordable housing and dealing with a life "partner" who is far less than uncooperative.

Then there's finding time to actually run my business amid giving what time I can to my mom. Sometimes it is all just a lot.

Yesterday as I was in the middle of phone calls trying in vain to find someone who can help me secure the medication I require, my mom started to cry. She looked down despairingly, shaking her head she said rhetorically, with such dramatic inflection in her voice, "What's happened to our lives?" Something about her including me in her pity party really struck a nerve.

"I'm good with my life, mom, just have some challenges," I said. "I don't have problems with my problems." This may have been more along the lines of wishful thinking yesterday as I was reaching a breaking point of frustration, understandably.

After this morning's oncology appointment, I was able to share some encouraging, positive news about my mom. I then received the following response from my dearest friend, who replied all to my mom's contact list:

"I speak for everyone when I say, Thank you BW Davis! It’s comforting to know Patty has such an advocate in you.

I’m sending love and strength to you both as I know it must be challenging for you to manage your own

health, your business and your mom’s special needs. You’re an amazing son and I know your mom glows with

appreciation and pride J Biggest Hugs in the world! Stay strong and positive and keep the updates coming.

xo M"

Have noticed this odd dovetailing between my mom's and my best friend's lives. My mom is diagnosed with cancer. My best friend gets engaged. My mom's health is improving. My best friend, who is "unofficially" pregnant (it's now just week seven), texts me tonight from the ER ...

Bestie: "Bleeding w/tissue. Taking blood, urine and doing ultrasound. Waiting for J. Keep u posted. Real possibility that the little guy wants to move on"

Me: "Oh shit! Are you OK, do you need anything? What can I do? Could mean more bed rest. Keep calm. God makes no mistakes."

Bestie: "Just send good thoughts and strength and vibes of acceptance. I think that there is something not right. Tissue in the blood."

Me: "Of course, have already shared with Terry. All our love & positive thoughts are on their way. 

Bestie: "Emoticon of a winky face blowing a heart kiss."

Me: "Emoticons of hearts and lipstick kiss marks alternating in a single row. My mom, Terry & I just lit a candle. We all held hands around it and sent you infinite love, strength and positive thoughts. We all love you SO very much!"

Bestie: "Thank you. Had ultra sound and pelvic examine. Waiting for dr to review. Did see ultrasound and saw the baby. Tech said right where he should be and I saw his heart beating. Blood could be associated with embro burrowing. I feel positive but not out if woods yet. Love to u!!!!"

Me: "Still holding good thoughts, thank you for the update. Keep me posted, please. Love you!!!"

Bestie: "We will. It positive and I'm not cramping"

Me: "Our thoughts are with all 3 of you. XO"

Bestie: "Thank you!"

Besite: "We were released and they said pregnancy is normal and bleeding is Normal. Okay to wait for dr on Monday. Phew

Me: Thank God! We are so happy. You must feel such a sense of relief. You already have the perfect mommy instinct by immediately addressing concern. Love u!

Bestie: "Thank you! So relieved"

Me: "The ultra sound is amazing! I'm so glad all 3 of you are OK. We will all sleep well tonight. Rest yourself, my dear."

Bestie: "Xo"

Seeing this little miracle on screen, I'm awestruck and humbled. Life itself is so delicate, seemingly always hanging in some precarious balance. Yet it is resilient.

Despite the challenges I'm facing head on right now, I am so grateful for these magic moments when we can brilliantly illuminate life's dark, uncertainty. At times I have felt fragile and defeated only to be reminded I have someone great willing to be my champion, and me theirs. This gives me such strength and fills my heart.

I want to one day tell my best friend's beautiful child about the first trick they played, almost in time for Halloween even.

Earlier today my neighbor enthusiastically thinned out the giant magnolia tree in front of our home because he wanted to. When he was finished, he hauled the huge pile of branches away and re-raked. When I thanked him, he said it was just a good day to do it, the weather was right. It was clear out, calm. Today the sun shined favorably on us all ...

Update on Mom Oct. 16

Hello, all,

Positive news to report … Mom is doing well and feeling much better. She says she feels stronger, she looks healthier and she’s starting to put on a bit of much needed weight. That’s typically something one would dare not ever say about a woman. J

We had a follow up with her oncologist Dr. Martins today. Based on her report of wellness along with strong vitals, including her liver function returning to normal, he is of the mind he may not need to see her back for another month.

Regarding her recent scan from a little more than a week ago, Dr. Martins is of the mind to stay the course with her treatment. He said he would rather make the right decision over a quick decision. He reiterated that it would be surprising if the cancer mutation type she has is not responding to the treatment she’s currently undergoing. Overall he said he’s encouraged that things are going in the right direction and he’s much less worried today about the daily pill’s effectiveness.

As for the trapped lung, Dr. Martins explained the tumor is at the entrance of the lung. As such, it is constricting that airway. Over time he expects the tumor to recede, which will allow more air to flow and eventually the lung to resume normal shape and function. That my mom is breathing well, far less short of breath than she had been in previous weeks and able to do substantially more physically, these are all very good indications.

Mom has an appointment to return for a follow up visit 10/30, unless she continues to feel as well as she is now. Then she won’t need to return for an oncology follow up until mid November.

In the meantime, mom’s going to attend a patient support group on 10/23, which I am confident she will greatly benefit from. This will allow her to connect with and relate to others who are dealing with similar health challenges, possibly even a resource or two that can give her advice on things that may further aid her wellness. Mom’s staying put in Western Washington for the foreseeable future.

More updates to follow soon …

All my best,

Update on Mom Oct. 07

Hello, All,

Hope this message finds you well.

Mom has had quite a past 24 hours. She is just fine, staying with Terry and I tonight.

I took her in for tests and a procedure yesterday at 1:30 PM. We were anticipating being done by around 5 PM. Yesterday’s procedure included draining fluid from her right lung. They took about 1.5 liters out. This was done such that they could perform another CT scan and better see the tumor(s).

Upon initial review of mom’s scan, the attending radiology doctor was quite concerned that her lung failed to re-inflate after the fluid removal. He called it a “trapped lung.” This he characterized as a chronic condition caused by fluid between the lung and the outer wall, and is fairly common with cancer patients because the cancer makes the tissue more rigid.

As a precautionary measure, the attending doctor referred us to the ER at UW Medical Center where the tests and procedure were performed. They evaluated mom’s vitals, which were all stable, except her blood pressure was a little high (understandably out of being somewhat anxious). They admitted her for overnight observation, and finally got her into a room by around 11 PM last night.

Mom was scheduled to have a follow up with her oncologist this morning. Because she was admitted and under the care of another medical team, her oncologist allowed them to take the lead.

The other medical team was initially comprised of thorasic surgeons who evaluated whether to recommend an intervening treatment to either coerce mom’s right lung back into shape or possibly for the insertion of a chest tube or catheter so she could drain the fluid on her own. At this time they are going to leave it up to mom’s oncologist to recommend whether anything further be done at this time or she may continue to be treated for the lung fluid accumulation outpatient.

Because mom wasn’t symptomatic after the fluid removal, despite the trapped lung, and there was no change in the shape of her right lung between last night and this morning, the attending doctors released her around 2 PM today. Before she was released we had a phone consult with her oncologist as he was able to review the results from yesterday’s scans. The good news is the cancer has not spread. The bad news is the largest tumor appears to have grown.

Dr. Martins said this is unusual for the treatment she’s on and the specific type of mutation her medication is specifically engineered to target. There’s a slim chance the tumor growth occurred between her initial scan in late July and the time she began treatment about a month later. Despite the oncologist’s statement about the results being unusual, he’s not yet of the mind to change treatment course at this time. He may employ other treatment methods. This remains to be determined.

Mom’s oncologist requested a follow up next week on Oct. 16^th. She has been advised to go to emergency if she develops symptoms such as fever, shortness of breath or chest pain.

Except for being understandably frustrated by the events of the past 24 hours and today’s news about the tumor status, mom is doing well. She’s eating a little more, though many things she used to enjoy she either has no palette for or they offend her sense of smell. This is a side effect of her treatment. She has put on a pound. She was instructed by a physical therapist this morning to be regularly active at least once per day.

All my best,

Update on Mom Oct. 02

Hello, All,

Hope this message finds you well.

Mom and Al came back to Seattle Tuesday. Mom had a follow up oncology consultation today. My apologies as I may have indicated in a previous update it was on Oct. 7 – that was a typo.

Here’s what we know … Mom has continued to lose weight, which concerns her oncologist (as well as those around her). For a three week spell she had been feeling poorly with nausea and low energy. This made it challenging for her to eat. Very pleased to report she’s been feeling much better the past five days. She attributes this mostly to streamlining her meds, discontinuing anything unnecessary. I find this extremely encouraging as it is a sign mom is more empowered in and enrolled in her own health care and choices. She met with an SCCA nutritionist today, and I’m optimistic since she’s feeling better she’ll be able to maintain a healthy weight. In the meantime, the weight loss means her oncologist wants to monitor her more closely.

Today we had anticipated having an understanding of the status of her tumor(s). Mom’s lungs have accumulated more fluid, and this made it too challenging for the radiologist and the oncologist to make a reasonable determination about the cancer based on today’s scan. The next step is to drain her lung fluid, which is expected to provide mom relief from her shortness of breath (which has been one of her top, persisting complaints). This will be followed up by another scan, and at that time we anticipate knowing how effective the daily pill treatment is. This is slated to occur within the week, so expect another update from me in the days ahead. Her oncologist Dr. Martins said with regard to her treatment, “It would be highly unusual for the tumor not to respond.” This particular medication has been in use for cancer treatment practice for the past 10 years, so there is much data known about it.

The best news is that mom reported to Dr. Martins she is feeling better today than she had been prior to beginning treatment, the three week period of feeling lousy being the exception, and that seemed to dissipate about five days ago. So her general wellness appears to be on an upward trend.

Also, I had mentioned some of the realities my mom was experiencing at the time of my last update. While I will do all I can to keep things positive, and recall having asked you to do similar, I feel it is important to also acknowledge when things are what they are; good, bad or otherwise. Knowing what someone is dealing with tends to best enable us to know better how to support them. Mom has embarked on a major life journey. Treatment and management of this terminal disease is expected to help prolong and give her a normal quality of life as much as possible. Life has its ups and downs. There will be times she needs more love, support and encouragement than others. She appreciates so much all your outpourings, thank you.

If you have questions, please let me know.

All my best,