Juxtaposition

<---Yesterday (Highway 200 in San Francisco, Nayarit, Mexico)

Today--->
(State Route 202 in rural East King County, Washington, USA)

Yesterday was sunny, warm and worry free.

Today was rainy, cold and I had more than plenty to do.

Mex. highway 200 is a highway I've never driven on. In fact, I've never even driven in Mexico, and this past trip I finally found a regular driver, Salvador.

SR 202 was the road I learned how to drive on. In fact, business was the reason I drove on it yet again today.

Yesterday was a gift, and thankfully so is today. As luck would have it, Mother Nature gave me one direct wink of sun today. I just snapped a photo of it a little while ago (as if it were some rare occurence here in Seattle - well sometimes it is!).

This was the one glimpse of sun bestowed upon me today. I consider it a gift from the Gods to help me adjust to the often shady Northwestern skies. Well, I suppose that's why I keep a home South of the boarder. Viva Mexico!!!

Casita Brisa del Mar

In just a few short hours I depart for my tranquil home on the Mexican Riviera, a long overdue reprieve. It's no wonder I leave town so seldom. Today I pushed paperwork for a solid 12 hours in anticipation of being out for a week, all the while unclear when I would receive a phone call in the late afternoon from an overseas client in Hong Kong. Call and contract procured, a great way to begin a vacation.

Ah, but tomorrow afternoon I'll walk into my beautiful home, set down my bags, freshen up a bit and then sit on the beach with one of my best friends in the universe watching the sun melt into the Pacific while enjoying an ice cold Pacifico with lime. Mmmm ... I could think of nothing more fulfilling or rewarding.

The beach life beckons ...

Another spectacular sunset at the beach in San Francisco (San Pancho as the locals lovingly call it), Mexico on the evening of our arrival. (Heavy sigh ...)

Personal Growth & Evolution II

So, I got to thinking some more about whether I was really sorry I conducted myself in the manner I did the other evening with that individual who treaded on my feelings by being duplicitous with me. That this person was so careless with my trust and feelings, despite having proclaimed romantic interest in me, I was floored. I suppose if I didn't care I wouldn't have reacted so passionately. I'm actually not sorry for how I conducted myself. One can't help how one naturally feels or used to feel.

Well, I got my opportunity to apologize. In hindsight, for what? Foremost this individual was nearly 40 minutes late for our lunch today. Beyond inappropriate. Clearly he's not the least bit concerned about where he stands with me, despite having been very clear he has a lot of work to do to earn my trust and respect. He could give a shit. When someone or something is top of mind, it's effortless. He claims to be successful in business yet used being ditsy as an excuse for rude behavior. Apparently he also thinks I'm stupid.

A friend of his who I once dated (thankfully for just a brief time) told me about an ex of his and her constant testing of boundaries, using unconditional love as a way to excuse herself from unacceptable behavior. It's not loving to treat others poorly just to see how far you can push their boundaries, personal limits, etc. Love begets love, though a few people have a gift for being able to give love unconditionally.

Upon revisiting the subject of his dishonesty, he attempted to once again invalidate my feelings, accusing me of reacting too strongly as well as feeling justified for being deceitful. He said he didn't make me feel any certain way, his actions did. Apparently he's not actually in control of his own actions. In fact, he more than alluded to others having mandated his actions. So I guess he can just point the finger at those people despite having allowed them to do his thinking for him. Perhaps if he knew what it was like to take ownership, have feelings, be a sensitive and compassionate human being, then he would be remiss for making such statements. Again, I'm having a hard time mustering respect for this individual.

While we as people should always offer love, acceptance and forgiveness, I think it is also reasonable as well as important to be true to one's self and maintain healthy boundaries. This individual also negates me by saying I have extremely high expectations of myself and therefore also of others. If expecting trust, honesty, integrity, respect, compassion and kindness is expecting too much of others, than do we just allow people to trample all over us? In this case it would appear the expectation is for me to conform to his way of thinking and abandon my value system. Sorry, but the minimum expectation is trust, honesty, integrity, etc. ... If that's asking too much, then there's little hope for humanity.

To rise above it all, let me just say I find it more than challenging to engage with people who insist on always being right. These kinds of people aren't big enough to take ownership of and responsibility for themselves and their own actions. Or to engage with people who aren't sympathetic and compassionate of others. Or to engage with people who exhibit a lack of respect and decency. This is sociopathic behavior, and while I see the good in all people, I fear this friendship would be very unhealthy at best. It takes a big person to own their shit. It doesn't feel good to own up to being dishonest with another person and injuring their feelings. If a person's unskilled actions warranted a little mud in the eye, then this pain is appropriate.

If this individual valued me so much, and I surround myself with many loving people who do (so I certainly understand the difference), then he would step up and be a gentleman. Why does he so carelessly and recklessly waste my time and energy? Guess it's all just fun and games for him. I hope he understands he's just playing games with himself until he can be a bigger person.

Personal Growth & Evolution

Went on a little mountain biking excursion today in Snoqualmie with a couple of friends, one of whom I've a 19 year history with. The night before I connected with another friend of mine who I have more than a 20 year history with. There's something to be said about people who are capable of maintaining quality, long term relationships and there's something equally admirable about doing physical activity in the outdoors that really arouses the body, mind and spirit.

As I was feverishly pedaling up Snoqualmie Ridge, I got to thinking about my blog. I know, strange thing to ponder when one is pushing their physical limits. At any rate, I got to thinking more about the purpose of my blog. Based on a subsequent conversation I had with my BFF Grace, an incredible sounding board, I think this forum is more or less a medium by which I can monitor my own personal growth and development.

It's interesting how much one learns about one's self when one takes note over a period of time. What I've learned is that I've at times taken sheer pleasure in other humans' mistakes by pointing them out and making light of them. That's actually not very constructive nor the person I know myself to be.

To my core I am loving, supportive, kind, understanding, optimistic and very honest (sometimes brutally). What can I say other than I've recently experienced a couple rough years. That's no excuse. One's past doesn't dictate one's present, and one's present certainly doesn't dictate one's future.

My dear Grace has a friend who is a priest. I can't resist, I have to share this man's real name: Tom Collins. I find it ironic for a priest to share the same name as a popular cocktail. Not that priests don't drink because they certainly do. Maybe it's the question of how one can drink and still honor their vow of celibacy. Don't think I could be that person ... Anyway, I digress.

Father Tom had a recent conversation with Grace about what we humans need most in our lives. You may be surprised by these three very simple notions: love, acceptance and forgiveness.

After having heard this, I felt the need to come clean about a few things so that I may foremost love, forgive and accept my own behavior and secondly do the same for others.

Recently, I came down pretty hard on someone I care about after discovering he behaved in a dishonest manner. It's challenging to be loving toward someone when their actions trample over your feelings. Despite the circumstances, I didn't rise to the occasion to meet this challenge in the way I would have been most proud of.

While I feel justified having called a spade a spade regarding this individual's duplicitous actions, my resentment made it difficult for me to be as loving as I would have liked to have been. I'm looking for a good opportunity to apologize to this individual for the way I conducted myself. While I don't condone someone making me into someone I'm absolutely not with no reasonable basis to do so, I understand this individual's motivations. I forgive his unskilled behavior and hope he too will be able to grow from our mutual experience.

Personal growth and evolution is a process. Acknowledging one's own weaknesses is the first step in being able to take effective action to bring about positive changes.

I'm going to do some more thinking about this blog. When I take a step back for a bird's eye view of all my content posts, and connect that to others' perceptions of me, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if others are as quick to place judgment upon me as I have been in expressing judgment of others in some of my posts. It's not my place, nor is it anyone else's ...

A Casa de Alice (2007)

OMGYG! Just saw this film the other night and it is one of the best works of cinematic art I've seen in a long, long time. A Casa de Alice (Alice's House) was shot like a documentary, and it is so very real. The viewer comes into the middle of this Brazilian family's life, which is a bit dysfunctional if not chaotic. I actually felt somewhat voyeuristic. Then the movie ends, leaving so much unresolved. It's so intimate and so real, I was convinced the characters weren't actors. Oh, and don't get me started on those hot, dreamy Brazilian guys ... About the only thing that put me off was a little bit of underdeveloped foreshadowing toward the end. As a whole, this is one brilliant film with a ton of heart and soul.

What's up w/McCain's face?!

What in the devil is up with John McCain's face?! Am I the only one who has taken notice of that large lump of flesh on the man's left cheek? Either he has a giant gob stopper lodged on the side of his mouth or he's sucked so much dick it's broken the elasticity on his face.

I know, I know - give the man a break. He's 72, in which case one might as well write in Fidel Castro's brother for president. If American citizens of this vintage are having their driver's licenses called into question, then how could he be considered capable of being behind the wheel of our country? Hmmm ...

Tragic Curiosity

This piece of artwork (pictured left) is the one and only creation of my birth mother's in my possession. Her youngest sister, my biological aunt Steph, sent it to me a couple years ago.

Nicki used mixed media, ink and watercolor, to create what I've interpreted to be a personal editorial, depicting her living hell. Not a pleasant way to remember a person I've never known. It's quite strange though, despite being perfect strangers, her life has made such a profound and lasting impression on me.

Nicola, as she was named at birth, was the daughter of a very unlikely pair, Anthony (Tony) & Urania Petalas. While they were both full-blooded Greek, they came from very mixed family backgrounds. His family would have been considered in the old country as peasants and she haled from aristocratic stock. So their children were a blend of the two.

Nicki was the oldest of four girls, and her life is the story of
the candle which burned twice as bright but only half as long. She, a tortured soul, was only 27 when she died. Peace be with her now.

Her survivors, my other blood relatives, describe her as strikingly beautiful, quick-witted and brilliantly creative. Nicki was uber intelligent with an IQ of 168. I'm told my pleasure in writing was her gift to me, passed down to her by my maternal grandmother.

Her life's tragedy holds many lessons. Primairly it is believed she didn't feel capable of living up to people's high expectations of her. This one piece of her artwork is like a ghost, a mysterious, dark spector that continues to haunt my curiosity about the woman she was, the life she lived and what parts of my own being exist from her blood.

Bruised Fruit

"Hi, my name is, uh, B.W. Davis, and I'm a bruised fruit." Yeah, I'm going to feel like I'm at a fags anonymous meeting (no such thing, yet) with the topic I'm going to blog about tonight; dating and gay men.

I'm a 33 year old gay man, just a year and a half out of a seven year relationship which started not long after I came out of the closet. So dating is a relatively new experience for me.

I've dated a handful of men. It's always so exciting and fun in the beginning; the mystery; the intrigue ... Then it quickly implodes, more often than not for the same awkward reasons.

Perhaps it's my open book personae that readily draws my love interests' personalities out so quickly. My openness was always a winning asset when I worked as a news reporter. Sources always revealed to me the heart of matters in question, whether the source was justified. I always loved and am still so motivated by a tag line from the '90s TV series The X-Files, "The truth is out there ..."

Sadly, out of the many men I've dated this past year or so, all of them have one thing in common. They're all bruised fruit. What do I mean by that? Well, they all have moderate to severe emotional hang ups when it comes to love and dating, primarily deep-rooted insecurities. One fellow I was seeing just prior to the holidays texted me after he hadn't heard from me for a day or so. He wanted me to let him know whether I just wasn't into him anymore.

At that point, we had only been seeing one another for a few weeks and the holidays were rapidly approaching. Like most, I happened to be very busy with both my personal and professional life during this time. His action raised big red flags. First off, if he had concerns about where things stood with us, wouldn't that merit more than a text message? Secondly, he didn't know me well enough to make a judgment call regarding my feelings for him relative to what was going on in my life. We had been in contact nearly every day, if not every other, so how much more reassurance did he need from me?

The average gay male deduction, "Oh, this guy is really needy. Next."

My deduction, "Wow, I guess he's really into me already and needs some reassurance to comfort his insecurities. Hmmm ... my feelings just aren't quite there yet as it has been such a short time. He's a great guy, but I'm just not sure he's my guy. I don't think I have the energy for this ..."

Either way, he proverbially "boiled the bunny." Bunny boiling, by the by, hales from the infamous '80s flick Fatal Attraction. My BFF Grace first casually introduced this into our colloquial vocabulary about dating just a few weeks ago. Just tonight she inspired me to blog about emotionally bruised gay men, so I have to give her props for the title as well. Thanks, hon! Oh, so boiling the bunny, to us anyway, just means the love interest just revealed enough information about their incompatibility. It can also mean the love interest is over the top in terms of how they express themselves, their emotions and feelings.

Gay adult men seem to, by in large, have many hang ups. Issues around weak sense of self, self loathing and general insecurities are all at the top of the list. Sure, we all have our insecurities, but they seem to be magnified many times over with gay males for a myriad of reasons.

Foremost, the LGBT community has little if any love and relationship role models. LGBT parents are the minority and the mainstream media hasn't permitted us seeing ourselves in healthy, loving relationships until just recently.

Many in our LGBT community have been either emotionally or sexually abused. Many of us have serious familial issues, primarily relating to being ostracized by those closest to us; our parents, siblings, etc. As a result we have a very disproportionate number of people in our community who suffer from mental health issues. Sad, but true.

Being in the trenches of dating, hey all is fair in love and war, I've heard the same stories from numerous gay men over and over again.

"We were really into each other for about a month or so, and then he just disappeared"

"It seems like guys always know how to tell me what I want to hear, so then I really start putting effort into making things work and then it just fades away ..."

I could go on with similar quotes, but I've more to say on this subject. Our early LGBT equality movement seemed to revolve around coercing society to accept our sexuality and sexual habits. Especially after the free lovin' '60s into the late '70s, it was all about three things; sex, sex, sex. Then came the '80s and along with it the "gay cancer" a.k.a. AIDS. Sex became mortally wrong and the movement changed course with a more wholesome focus on family values. The gay '90s made it seem cool to be queer.

Today, we live in a more obscure and disjointed world. As much as it connects us on various levels, technology has also literally ripped our social fabric to shreds, making it seem near impossible for people in our brave new world to feel any genuine sense of community. We are all so physically isolated from one another now. Everyone expects everything to happen overnight, even when it comes to love and relationships. Everyone expects people to show up practically made to order. Match.com is a veritable human catalog with people just thumbing through page after page of profiles until they think they've found Mr. or Ms. right.

The very concept of dating is very bizarre to me. Two perfect strangers, who nary know a thing about one another, sharing aspects of their lives in a romantic setting (usually, not always) with the unspoken hope that perhaps, just maybe, he or she is "the one."

I do believe there is a lid for every pot, but is there just the one? Could there be many that would be suitable? I personally believe so. I'm not talking about polygamy or promiscuity, but rather about there being many different people who could be our soul mate.

Then there is the more popularized belief that we, like penguins, mate for life. Well, perhaps that is ideal, to find the one person you can just grow old with. Lord knows that's been my ideal since I was a child, but that certainly hasn't been my reality.

Once I had a bit of an encounter with a man, who afterward told me he was partnered and in an open relationship. Apparently his partner had major surgery of some kind, is older and is rarely able to copulate. I asked this man whether he was happy in this relationship. He said he loves his partner very much, but the relationship isn't all that fulfilling, and not just because of their lack of intimacy. He said he is Catholic, therefore he made a commitment to his partner for life.

You know, that is a very admirable idea. However, why would a gay man, whose very faith is called into question by the Catholic church, choose to adhere to this ideology? Not to mention, most importantly, why should anyone compromise their happiness if a relationship ceases to serve its useful purpose?

Oh, the woes of dating, especially gay men. Here are a few tips on dating, so listen up, especially you fags:

#1 Be genuine, open and honest. Don't play games. It's OK to be a bit of a challenge, but don't let it get out of hand and don't be deceitful or duplicitous. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear and direct but tactful. All healthy relationships, whether platonic or otherwise, are founded on trust. This is my number one because it is an absolute non-negotiable and potential deal breaker.

#2 Always give the benefit of the doubt until you have enough information to make educated decisions about how a person's M.O. (method of operation) is going to jive with yours.

#3 Put your best foot forward. Life rewards action, and you never know exactly whether this might be "the one," so put some fuckin' effort into it.

#4 Be realistic. Keep in mind people do what they want to do. So if someone isn't calling you or making a real effort to see you, you're probably not top of mind. There may be a good reason for this, or he may just not be that into you. Besides, chemistry either exists or it doesn't completely separate from the two individuals it concerns. You're probably tired of hearing this slang phrase, but it is what it is.

#5 Be loving. Love begets love. This is a classic example of the law of attraction. Like attracts like. Similar attracts similar. That doesn't mean a blond will attract a blond, but rather someone of a certain mindset and emotional state will generally attract similar or repel opposite.

#6 Ask for what you want and don't settle for less than what you deserve. Don't operate based on fears. Who cares if you get rejected. He probably snores, has IBS or boils bunnies anyway.

#7 Have fun! If it's too much work at the beginning it's likely not going to work out. Then again, see tip #3 and then listen to Kenny Rogers "The Gambler." You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em ...

#8 The feelings you spare out there may be your own. Be kind, compassionate, upstanding and understanding.

#9 Be ready for love. I can't stress enough how important this is. I fell madly in love with a man who had an extreme amount of emotional baggage and mental health issues to deal with. We had to end our romantic relationship so he could heal. I was devastated. So please don't put yourself out there unless you're healthy enough to be out there. Refer to the previous tip #8.

#10 Listen to the other person as well as to your gut instinct. After a while you'll quickly learn to identify what works for you and what doesn't. Then act accordingly.

Bottom line is, in every relationship (platonic or not) we work our own shit out on one another. We test the water, push boundaries and set limits. It's only human, especially to err. It's the process of discovering how compatible you are with another person for the long term that is truly an adventure. Sometimes, even after years and years of being with someone, you don't truly know them until certain situations of pomp and circumstance come to pass, bringing the person's true colors vibrantly to the surface.

Just like the X-Files tag, love is out there. I've experienced quite a lot of it in one form or another. Perhaps someday soon it will find me again. In the meantime, I'm going to rub some arnica on all my tender spots ...

Super Skanks

There's only one word for this pathetic piece of inbred white trash: mess. Britney Spears is a total disaster. C'mon, honey, pull yourself together. Sure, you're battling some mental illness, but you're over medicated and don't know how to take care of yourself.

And then there's loser Lindsay Lohan, who was totally cracked out on her way to rehab. Oh, poor child doesn't know how to party. She can't hold her liquor or her coke very well. What a mess.

What do these two bimbos have in common? Blonde hair, loose vaginas, cheap gray sweatshirts from American Apparel and equally bad taste in lifestyle habits. You go, gurls! Lord have mercy, Jesus wept on these two ...

The ironic LGBT equality crusade

About the most ironic thing I've ever been assigned to do was to be on point as a spokesperson for America's largest state/local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) chamber of commerce when the Washington State Supreme Court handed down its 2006 decision on LGBT marriage equality. The court's decision came on the heals of me leaving my partner of seven years. I know, also in question is the cliche around the alleged seven year itch. I can assure you that certainly wasn't the case for me.

The court's majority opinion on marriage equality gave Washington's LGBT citizens the big middle finger, passing the proverbial gay hot potato back over to the state legislature to decide. Um, hello, the legislature has been embroiled with this battle for like the last 30 years, mmmkay. Not to mention, it's the court's duty to overrule any archaic and unconstitutional laws, like the state's Defense of Marriage Act, the state legislature illegally ratified in the first place. Let me share with you Section 12 from the state's constitution. It goes a little something like this:

"No law shall be passed granting to any citizen, class of citizens, or corporation other than municipal, privileges or immunities which upon the same terms shall not equally belong to all citizens, or corporations."

Worse yet, the court's majority opinion asserted protecting procreation as the primary justification for its decision to not overturn DOMA. The legal implications of this ripple far beyond marriage equality into the realm of same gender families and adoption, turning the clock of the LGBT equality movement back 50+ years.

You know, there are some pretty great things about being a gay man. Foremost, gay men don't have to worry about reproductive issues. We don't have to worry about feminine hygiene issues, thank goodness (though many gay men purport to have periods). Best of all, by in large, we generally have a savvy sense of style, home decore and culinary creativity (or mechanical ability if you're a lesbian).

On a serious note, I think most LGBT people have done quite a bit more soul searching than the average person finding themselves in a culture and society that still struggles to accept our kind as full human citizens. Oddly enough, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in the late 1800's corporations have all the same rights as living, breathing American citizens. Really, this is absolutely true. Scary, isn't it. Well, on the other hand, I wonder whether that means one can legally wed another person of the same gender so long as the two individuals incorporate. Hmmm ... some couple ought to try that out sometime. Sounds kinky ...

Interestingly enough, Washington's hetero couples are granted 460-some-odd rights with marriage and nearly three times that number of rights with federal marriage laws. In 2007, Washington's same-gender couples managed to procure 12 of those rights with the passage of the state's domestic partnership law. Oh, and LGBT Washingtonians also became a protected class when we were added to the state's anti-discrimination laws in 2006. In our state it has taken about 30 years for us to get somewhere. Hey, better late than never.

My dear friend Grace said it best, "You know, it's actually quite liberating being gay because you have so many choices being made for you and a lot less to lose." In all seriousness, we still have so much yet to gain. Um, I think we're still short some 1,450 rights our hetero counterparts enjoy taking for granted everyday. My God, hetero Hollywood celebs marry and divorce as if they're passing notes around to one another in junior high, mostly in the name of raising a few eyebrows and headlines. Some celebs only enjoy their full federal and state marraige rights for a few days or even a few hours before getting divorced. Well, I guess they're just rigorously exercising their rights as full human citizens under the law.

So are we gays really setting a poor example of family and American values, juxtaposed to the so-called "moral majority," becuase I'm a bit fuzzy on that as of late. After all, we are only human, or at least most of us are anyway ...

p.s. I don't think any of my dirty tricks would be keen enough to know where to begin to destroy civilization. White, heterosexual males, on the other hand, have created all kinds of ways to destroy civilization: nuclear weapons, mutant viruses, trying to match plaids and stripes, etc.

Shop Talk

So my girlfriend Snow and I met at 4:00 p.m. on Friday for happy hour. OK, premature happy hour. OK, shopping and then premature happy hour.

One of our trusty stops was to Nordstrom's flagship store downtown. Admittedly we initially ventured in to see whether the beau hunk, who flirted with me to no end when he rang up the fantastic shirt I purchased for that hoedown party several weeks ago, was on the job. Unfortunately he wasn't, but Snow and I had just as much fun on the main level playing with all the jewelry and accessories.

A favorite section of the store is the extensive sunglasses area. Walls of small cubbies backed with mirrored glass featuring the latest in primairly women's or unisex designer sunshades for the eyes.

Snow picked me out an obnoxious pair of oversize, black and jewel encrusted D&G's to try on, and said. "These are the kind Britney Spears wears," as I was placing them on my face in the mirror.

"Um, these look like shit, but doesn't that just figure if Britney is into such garrish accessories from this particular designer," I replied. "If Britney is wearing these, no one in their right mind is going to buy them. Bad move for Dolce & Gabanna having such a garbage person as a poster child for their brand."

As I was making these remarks I hadn't noticed the slender (gaunt) older sales woman (probably around 60ish) who turned the corner sharply, with her gray hair pulled back tight, head to toe in conservative black with matching black high heel boots. She leered sharply at Snow and I.

We were just walking away, and inside I felt a slight burning about how passive aggressively rude this woman came across in the sneering look she flashed our way. So, I turned back around to her and gave her one of my favorite lines from AbFab.

"You can drop the attitude, you only work in a shop," I recited. Then we continued on our way out of her accessory domaine. Rude. Totally un-Nordstromlike.

Was the sales woman upset because we were fondling her $300 - $400 accessories or was she upset about the comments we made about Britney? Either way, she's not commissioned to have a dissenting opinion as much as she was hired for the primary purpose of serving habitual shoppers like Snow and I. I mean really, we were just having a little fun. Isn't that what shopping is all about?! Bitch ...

Be Mine (4 the Moment)

Here's a little Valentine's Day inspired goodie (with a twist) I found on another blog site. Click on the image to link to the actual post, it's festive and fun!

My life's greatest disappointment ...

Growing up, there were few things in life I wanted more than my very own Easy Bake Oven. Really.

I'd see those '80s TV commercials with the little white girl and the little black girl putting yellow cakes and brownies into their orange Easy Bake. They'd watch lovingly and longingly through the little window as the batter rose backlit by the special lightbulb, which doubles as the oven's heating element. They'd lick their lucky lips in anticipation of taking their hot cakes out of their fantastic little oven to ice them. Fucking bitches!

No, I never got my Easy Bake Oven. While my parents didn't mind that I played with my girlfriend Tara's Barbies, they wouldn't get me one of these damn ovens. Sexists, I tell you - raving, bigoted sexists ...

Look at how much fun that little blonde bimbo on the box in the above photo is having with her Easy Bake Oven. It's not fair!!!

Well, my girlfriend Grace has hinted that I may one day yet receive my prize. We'll see ...

In Loving Memory of Tido | 02/07/05 - 09/18/07

Coinciding with the celebration of year 4705, based on the ancient Chinese calendar, today also marks my dearly beloved Tido's third birthday.

To know Tido was to love and adore him. He had quite the personality with an incredibly humorous disposition and was so completely loving. I suppose the majority of animals love unconditionally, which is why it's so easy for us human folk to fall for 'em.

It was also our special bond that made him what I loved most in and about this world. How could I help myself? I picked him out, raised him, took him out at first light, nurtured, played with, loved and disciplined him. He was my pal, my special little guy, and he had my adoring attention every single day except during the last part of his tragically short lived life.

I lost my baby twice in one year. The first time was when I left my partner of seven years, allowing him full custody. The second time was when Tido left this world the morning of September 18, 2007. I like to believe his soul was too great for his earthly body to contain.

At the very least, I am comforted by the thought Tido is released from earthly pains or irritations and his spirit lives on with profound joy, which is what he brought in abundance to everyone who was ever fortunate enough to have crossed his path in this life.

I am sorry I wasn't there for you. Rest in peace, my dear sweet, loveable Tido. My faithful companion, you are sorely and profoundly missed ...

Happy Chinese New Year

YEAR OF THE RAT

The Eastern zodiac sign horoscope system is one of the oldest in the world of astrology. The origin of Chinese astrology dates back to the era of the Shang Dynasty.

Rats mark the commencement of the cycle of 12 Chinese zodiacs and thus are associated with enterprising and aggressive qualities. To start with listing the traits of a Rat, it is important to first know what this animal image stands for in Chinese philosophy.

Rat has strong associations with material success such as wealth and other luxuries of life. It is their aggression, charm, hard work, discipline and passionate nature that gives an edge to their persona in comparison to others. There are good chances of Rats being wealthy and professionally successful in their lives. They are quick, energetic and mold themselves easily according to the situation, which makes them excellent problem solvers too. Unlike most of other zodiac signs, Rats believe in having a handful of friends, but they share a special bonding with all of them.

When it comes to competition, nobody can be as manipulative as they are. They are tactful and can go to great extents to win a battle. Yet honesty and unprejudiced attitude is something others need to learn from Rats. A heavy karma chakra may lead to inner conflicts. It is likely for them to indulge in speculation and other adventurous tasks in order to give an outlet to their emotions. If this kind of an outlet is not available, they might turn to self-destruction. The best spiritual message Chinese sages give to Rats is to observe self-control and be considerate while dealing with people around them. Their dynamism can be accessed with the diversity of professions they can choose. On one hand they can lend a perfection to works of art in literature, on the other hand they can also be excellent detectives, accountants, engineers and pathologists. Law and politics are some other areas they can try their hands on.

Hope this year of Rats 2008 becomes the harbinger of health, wealth and good fortune for all of us.

Meadow yesterday, street today ...

This afternoon I was driving between Eastside client appointments. I had to pull off the freeway in my hometown to fax a contract change to a client out-of-state. I drove down the main boulevard through town and spotted a copy/fax shop on an unfamiliar street corner. I looked up at the intersecting street sign hanging perfectly square on the gleaming, ornate new traffic light post. Searching my memory, I couldn't place the name of the street for the life of me, and don't recall there ever having been such a street at that location before. In fact, my car would never have sat idle at that spot before because it never used to be an intersection.
As I looked down this street that previously didn't exist, it was lined door-to-door with big box and large chain retailers, which would never have been in my hometown growing up. I looked back up at the surrounding and lushly forrested hillsides and mountains for some hints of recognition. They appeared the same, except with dozens more rooftops poking up out of the timberline.

When I finally reached my destination, the people wandering about this large chain store were from a myriad of cultures, many with thick and varying accents. I searched the place to no avail for a familiar face. It became blatantly obvious this was no longer my hometown. Now I remember where I was, a beautiful meadow once peacefully existed where this street and retail complex now sprawl ...

Well, I guess the good news is this dead meadow today enabled me to conveniently send my client his document via fax. Cool.

Fresh @ Pike Place: Romance

Life is a little bit funny at times as much so as it is wonderfully mysterious. It seems as though everytime one door closes, another one always opens. Suffice to say it has been a good weekend and a wonderful day in particular. Wonderful why or wonderful how or wonderful who? All of the above, especially the latter. Ever just bummed around with someone new, doing anything and nothing in particular, and had an incredible time?

Well, suffice to say I was in great company today. This is going to sound a bit emotionally bruised of me, but it's very refreshing to spend time with someone who has something to say, is very sincere, genuine and expressive. He's also quite handsome, very bright and extremely kind too.

Spent several hours bumming around town with the aforementioned/described man today, meandering from South End to the I.D. to Pioneer Square and then finally to The Market for a bit of a culinary crusade. Apparently we both have a sweet tooth and a fondness of good comfort food (a blessing and a curse). I can just hear Grace's sarcastic voice in my head now, "He likes soup - you like soup!"

Anyway, after a couple decadent mini-cheesecakes, a dark chocolate cherry truffle and a few bites of delicious mac 'n' cheese (w/real handmade cheese), we made our way into the piroshki place. Yeh, a bit gluttonous, but decadently fun nonetheless. He ordered his favorite piroshki, we walked a step outside the front door of the shop, huddled in a small nook just off the sidewalk, and shared the hot, savory Russian pastry. Mmmm ...

He happily stood with piroshki in one hand and the paper to rest it on in his other. He took the first bite and subsequently showered the front of his black button down shirt with piroshki crumbs.

Perhaps I should have just kept my trap shut, but I wouldn't let any of my friends walk around a crowded public market practically coated head to toe in pastry flakes. I couldn't help myself; he looked so cute though. The smile I felt inside erupted into a grin big on my face and I advised him I was going back in to get us some napkins. He surprised me a bit when he mildly gestured and informed me he had some napkins in his right pocket ...

I paused for a moment and turned back away from the door to the shop. Yeah, I accepted his subtle invitation to further invade his personal space, more specifically to intrude his pants pocket. Why wouldn't I?! Quicker than I realized, I had stepped closer into him and reached my hand down into his pocket. I rifled around a bit for the alleged napkins which I thought at first evaded my reach. I was a bit on auto pilot and finally came to my senses realizing the napkins were nowhere to be found. Our faces drew nearer, and I let him know I wasn't having any luck ... or was I?

The language I thought I was clearly speaking transformed from plain English into a dull mumble followed by the first of two sweet, fledgling kisses in the center of The Market in the heart of the city. It was one of the best surprises I've had all year.

Oh, then he tells me the napkins were actually in his left pocket as he pulled them out and held them up high as if to offer them into evidence. Apparently he had a free hand after all, and I have to admit it was the best piroshki I had ever had. I'll never think of piroshkis in quite the same way again.

Homecoming

So I have another BFF, but she's local. We'll call her Snow. I just arrived back to the maxi pad, a.k.a. my Capitol Hill bachelor apartment, from having attended her and her husband's "it's not summer" barbeque on Beacon Hill/Georgetown where I once resided.

Snow and I used to work together along with Grace at a company that placed creatives within the new media industry. Well, I'm not quite sure if you can actually call what we did "work" per se. Snow used to joke about being my career hurdle. I'm sure I was equally her's, but we can take that streetwalk down memory lane another time ...

Something felt very different about tonight's gathering. For starters, at the last gathering of theirs I was very discontent with my life. I've experienced quite a bit of loss and gone through many changes over the past year and a half. To say my life has in any way settled down would be a horrible joke, about as funny as G.W. Bush being thought to possess an ounce of integrity.

Tonight was different. It was through the words of Flora, one of our wonderful neighbors, that I realized just how much of a family I had surrounding me in my former neighborhood. I had to walk away from all of them along with my dog Tido, my partner of seven years and my beautiful view home in the woods. Walking away from a life is difficult, especially one that was so warm, familiar and as comfortable as mine was.

The beautiful thing about tonight is that I finally, after not one but two back-to-back failed relationships, the loss of my home and my dearly beloved dog, I finally feel like my whole self again. I finally feel like I can be at a social gathering of wonderful people, like the one I so thoroughly enjoyed tonight, and really connect and contribute. In return, I experienced such an incredible amount of love, joy and belonging.

It's rare, especially in these high tech times, that one can find a sense of community at all. Despite having walked away from a life I worked so hard to build and achieve, it is still with me. My dear neighbors, who are way more like a family than a community, have reminded me that home truly is where the heart is, and my heart is still there with all of them.

Anyone who thinks it's easier to say no vs. yes in this life is dead wrong. I had been saying yes to a life I was comfortable and happy with to a point, but in a very fundamental way also very miserable with. Saying no to it was the single most challenging decision I've ever made in my life. I tore off and broke painstakingly free from the shackles that bound me away from life's complete happiness, then subsequently ran the gauntlet. Here I am, 1.5 years later, nearly full circle and a whole lot wiser to say the very least.

This is my rebuilding year and a new period of expansion for my life. I plan to break ground for the construction of a new home on my Beacon Hill property by year end, and rejoin the family I had to physically wander away from to sort things out with a particular piece of my life so I could be happy and fulfilled. Guess it's all part of the process of personal growth and evolution. Sometimes one has to take a big step backward to make two leaps forward. My mama never said life would be easy or fair ...

TGIF!

Bringing Visiting Back

Some time ago, Grace began interjecting the term "visit" into our conversations as a way to express social behavior that isn't quite in line with the actual definition of visiting, but somewhat harks back to days woebegone. Oddly enough, Grace and I didn't become BFFs until long after she moved away to SF, so we do all kinds of visiting.

Anyway, the type of visiting she intended is somewhat of a lost artform. It's the kind of visiting one would consider doing at tea time with their lovely and well refined grandmother. You know, the kind of visiting you do when you just sit and visit with someone, well poised at the edge of your seat, legs held closely together and your knees nearly touching one another's. You sit there facing one another at an open angle with your hands placed femininely upon the tops of your legs. You gaze fondly at one another as you enjoy another sip of an exotic tea from the Far East. You smile and perhaps toss back and forth some light, gay banter.

Oh it's the simple pleasures we lack in this complicated 24/7 on demand world of ours. Take a moment to enjoy the company of someone you admire and just visit with them for a while, like First Lady Nancy Regan and Princess Diana of Wales are doing in this photograph:

CAPTION: Notice our dearly departed Diana really knew the proper way to visit with someone. She was a dignitary in every sense of the word. Unfortunately our beloved Nancy really didn't represent the United States of America very well to the rest of the world when it came to visiting. Look at her slouching forward, hands all disheveled, legs folding every which way. Osteoperosis or not, she's a mess!

Here's an even greater challenge. Try just dropping in on a close friend spontaneously sometime, just to visit for a while. Does anyone drop in on anyone else anymore these days? Time is precious, but not when you're unable to spend quality time with those who mean the most to you in your life.