The house is quiet, except for a faint hum from the refrigerator. A soft light fills my living room from the ceiling to nearly the floor bank of picture windows. It's dusk on a beautiful spring Sunday in Seattle. I have work I could be doing, instead I'm savoring this peaceful hour when I have no one to answer to and I can contemplate in blissful solitude. For me, right now, this is the calm after the storm.
Last week was anything but smooth sailing. Had it not been for a couple phone calls, my work/life balance would have merely been tipped toward tense. Spring begins the high season for real estate. Last year business seemed to come much easier and in greater abundance. This year is getting off to a slower start. That and I find myself dreading this tax season, which I was heads down in prep for during the past couple weeks. I met my CPA's Friday deadline, so that weight is partially lifted and will be fully once my tax bill is paid in full. Then onto completing my clock hours for my upcoming licensing renewal. I also have some business to attend to on my Mexico home (including an expense audit). And did I mention I turn 40 in a few weeks?
My mom called me Wednesday afternoon. Do you ever get a feeling when you pick up the phone that the person on the other end needs something from you? I've gotten that feeling a few times from my mom. She's my mom, of course I want to help her.
The last time I got that feeling from my mom, she and her "partner" Al were planning a trip out for Al's grandson's wedding. My mom works full time at a job she doesn't like. Al frequents "the oval" where he commiserates with his pals, drinks and places bets. They both identify politically as Republicans, and aside from my mom's supplemental minimum wage job, they both rely solely on Social Security and Medicare.
My mom met Al through her best friends by happenstance. When they caught wind she began thinking of him romantically, they both did all they could to convince her otherwise. Tell a child they can't have something and what happens? They want it that much more. The same principle can be applied to my mom.
When my mom's last and only husband divorced her, and in this case divorce equated to emotional and financial ruin, she suffered deeply. Much of her life she was taken care of and she did an incredible job of caring for others. So when she sits at the concierge desk at the Coeur d'Alene resort, forced to be polite when even the most arrogant and unpleasant of "humans" barks questions at her, she finds herself feeling cheated by life or in some way defeated by it.
So the last time she called needing something, it was because she was handling all the details related to her and Al's trip out for his grandson's wedding. Since he has driven her car into the ground, and it's nearly 20 years old anyway, she had to rent a car to make the five hour trip in. Since they were going to need a place to stay, she checked with me instead of checking with Al's family (of course my mom is always welcome). Since they were going to be an hour south of my place the night of the wedding, she had to book a hotel room. I'm not sure if I made it clear enough earlier. They don't really have any extra money laying around. I'm sure if they did Al would mindlessly waste it at "the oval" or probably just misplace it altogether.
When she needed something that last time, I sent her a hundred and fifty dollars. It wasn't much. The first full day they were in town, my mom asked me to help Al with directions to Emerald Downs, our local horse racing track. I asked my mom why he needed to go there. She told me he just wanted to look at it. I asked no further questions and printed the old guy directions.
The next day my fiance (we were still a few weeks away from becoming husbands) informs me Al lost some money at the track. Al apparently mentioned "it was a bad day at the office." I had prepared breakfast for them prior to them leaving for the wedding. I asked Al how his trip was to Emerald Downs. He said he lost a little. I asked him how much. He said $20. So I turned to my mom and asked her why she lied to me. Of course she became completely defensive and was trying to do everything she could to turn things around on me. I asked her if I should have given her less money to compensate for the extra cash Al had laying around. She says she's never going to ask me for anything ever again. Oh, it's the old I don't want your help because you called me out on my bad behavior. Real mature.
I attempted to reason with my mom, explaining it's not about the money. It's about the principle of the matter. If you don't have money to spend, don't blow it on gas and mileage to place bets. If someone asks you a simple question, give them a straight forward answer. She knew if she had told me why he was planning to go to Emerald Downs, I would have done whatever I could to deter him. My mom otherwise would have had no reason to be duplicitous or less than honest with me. I want to say we eventually got beyond this. Then there was Wednesday.
My mom calls me in the middle of the afternoon. I think we had been in touch just a couple days prior. Our communication has become spotty and infrequent. This is mostly because she has told me she's unhappy, and she doesn't want to bring me down.
Financially, my mom could have been better prepared for retirement. Her ex husband bought her a nice home in a very desirable, affluent area. He bought her a new car. The court awarded her at least 25 percent of his investment portfolio, retirement savings, a good portion of his pension in addition to about $70k annually in spousal maintenance annually (which lasted for 10 years). Plus she was making about two and a half to three times minimum wage.
A few years later she gets involved with the bum. She rents her home for a while and then decides to sell it. She made about $50k from the sale. If she would have held it and continued renting, she would be making nearly $1k per month from it today and have nearly another $200k in equity. Not sure what she did with the proceeds of the sale. Al played day trader with my mom's stock/retirement accounts. They are completely gone.
My mom's ex husband sold their investment property in California. She pocketed at least $100k from the sale. She put a little bit of it down on the home she's in now. I don't know what happened to the rest of the money.
We refinanced her home the summer after my grandma died. Her housing payment dropped to about $500 per month. She cannot rent anything comparable for much less than twice that amount. Al is trying to get her to sell so they can use the maybe $35k in equity she has in it.
On Wednesday she asked for my help. Their car broke. The master cylinder needed to be replaced. All their fluids were dirty. The car needed an oil service and the front axle brakes needed to be done (inclusive of pads, rotors and calipers). I don't know too much about the master cylinder. I do know you don't typically need to replace rotors and calipers if the pads are properly maintenanced. I digress ...
The car was being looked at and they didn't have an estimate for the repairs as of the time she called asking for help. How would they know if they needed help if they weren't sure how much the repairs were going to be?
Since I don't have the trust I once did for my mom, I told her we needed to first find out about the repairs, whether it would even make sense to put any money into her car. She has a '95 Explorer, which is worth a little more than $1,000. I also offered that I would pay the shop direct.
A while later they call back. She puts Al on the phone to explain things to me. I enjoy talking with him as much as I enjoy nails scraping across the surface of a chalkboard. They sound nearly the same, only the chalkboard resonates with more intelligence. Al tells me the brakes are going to be about $900 and the master cylinder, fluids and oil service will run another $300. I advised him to get a detail of the repairs and get another opinion, which he said he would do in the morning since the shop was in walking distance.
Having remembered most brake shops charge roughly $500 per axle, I thought I'd call a shop in their town to see if I could get a more reasonable quote on the phone. Apparently I by chance called the same shop where the car was at and got a $447 plus change estimate along with them mentioning they have a 10 percent off coupon circulating in the local paper. I relayed this to Al.
Months ago I sold a car and pocketed half of the proceeds in anticipation my mom would need a more reliable car soon. Giving some more thought to the situation, it's pretty easy to deduct my mom's car, even for the $300 portion of the estimated work, wasn't worth putting another dime into. The other portion of work nearly totals my mom's car. So the better solution is just to put money into buying a car and then selling her car as-is.
She calls me the next morning as I'm navigating traffic and running late to a clock hour class. I also have a client offer to submit during this time as well and I'm cutting it really close to my CPA's tax prep deadline. I didn't sleep well the night before either.
Still, I knew this was important and had to be handled delicately. My mom doesn't perform well in these situations. It's like having to walk on eggshells. First I acknowledged her for what it must have taken for her to reach out for help. I shared with her what I was dealing with, just so she would know while I wanted to do my best for her and Al, I wasn't at my best at the time. I also told her I found myself in a similarly difficult position in needing her help so that I can best assist her, calling out how delicate a topic this seems to be.
I insisted we are family. Because we are family we can and must be open and honest about these things, about everything. I stated it's important they open their books so we can see if there's anywhere we can find ways for them to save (if at all possible). She had shared with me a while back that the IRS was garnishing Al's Social Security. I asked if they had done anything to resolve this because they still hadn't a few months ago. She said they had but it takes a while, and he doesn't know she's shared this with me. I asked whether they had called Al's son Mike. She said they hadn't. I didn't go into it with her. What this tells me is that it all falls on my mom and Al is useless to help.
Then my mom offers that she came across a credit card that has a $300 limit and she gets paid tomorrow. I tell her it is a poor idea to extend herself on credit and pay interest on funds she doesn't have. I share with her that her car isn't worth putting money into and the best thing would be for her to let me buy her a car and bring it out during the weekend. She then wants to know what they're going to do in the meantime. I asked if anyone died while they haven't had a car. She surprisingly says yes, that her four block walk home from work was very cold and Al had to walk back from the shop, which may be an equal distance or less.
OK, so no one died. Great. I then ask her what a cab costs. She tells me $5 to get across town. I do some simple estimating and acknowledge it might cost them $20 to wait another day or two for me to get out there with a more reliable vehicle. Mom seems to be warming up to this idea. Then she wants to put Al on the phone, which she does.
Al tells me he called the shop and spoke with the manager. The manager stuck to the same price quoted for the brake job. I relay to Al what my mom and I discussed. He thanks me for my help and tells me he already gave them the OK to do the smaller portion of the work to get the car back on the road. I then point out they will still have no front brakes, and it's not safe to drive. He says the brakes don't squeak or anything, that it doesn't sound like there's any metal touching. I then attempt to review the bigger picture, that my mom's car isn't worth putting anymore money into. Again, he tells me they gave the go ahead for the work to be done and they appreciate me wanting to help. I tell him he has no reason to thank me, they haven't allowed me to do anything for them and that's OK. I also tell him some people just don't have a head for business. With that he said thanks a lot, buddy, and hangs up on me. Cest la vie.
My mom and I had a couple text exchanges following. She knows I only want what's best for her. She assured me she has made her choices and she's OK with that. I shared that I can't help but feel the distance between us widen. This is mostly due to the fact I love her so much and it's excruciatingly painful to see her suffer. Sure, Al has no problem further extending my mom's credit. Why the desperate need for wheels? He's retired. There's nowhere he has to be.
My mom cleans the house, makes Al's bed, washes his clothes, feeds him, goes to work full time at a job she doesn't much care for. Worst of all she makes choices based around supporting his antiquated, geriatric ego. This dynamic has bled my mom of her ability to retire and/or have any sense of enjoying retirement.
On the one hand, this is what she wants. She has chosen it. Therefore she's not a victim. Does Al take advantage of my mom? Absolutely, I'm certain of it. That's the part I'm concerned with. No, I don't expect Al to change. He can't expect me to change, either. I will not reward bad behavior. Period.
My mom asked for my help. I offered my help. They declined my help. What more can I do?
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Cart Racing w/My Ex-In-Laws
Yes, this is as odd as the post heading reads. Last night I dreamed of being with my ex's folks. We were on our way to someone's home or to a house and had to cross through a large shopping center parking lot. It almost looked like the shopping center was abandoned, kind of Walking Dead-esque. The more odd thing was our mode of transportation. We weren't just walking. We were standing on these little scooters, which were almost like small shopping cards. They were kind of a white mesh of metal with red wheels. There were two wheels in the front and one in the back, which turned. I recall going through some large puddle, like part of the lot either had a water feature or had flooded. The water seemed dark, but only because I don't think it was well lit. The scene took place in the day time, but I don't think it was either overcast nor bright and sunny. At some other point in my dream I was in an antique store, and may have even been with my ex. This part is really hazy.
In reality I saw my ex of seven years last Friday. It was his 40th birthday. I deliberately stopped by his home with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. He and our long-time neighbor Rob were just walking back down the side yard on their way back from the chicken run. It had been a while, and it was good to see them both. I embraced RC and then Rob. My presence seemed equally well received, and Rob has always been kind to me. In fact as he headed back home he patted my ass when he walked by, almost in the manner of a coach. RC and I chatted for a bit. He showed me what he's been doing with the garden, that his brother was coming over the weekend to help repair the deck that appeared to be falling down. It was good to see him. I think he is happy. The home looks in need of some tidying up. I think he likes it the way it is, and that's all that matters.
Dream Definitions:
Skates: To see skates denotes discord among your associates.
Shopping Cart: To see or use a shopping cart in your dream indicates you are reaping the rewards and benefits of your hard work. If the shopping cart is empty, then it suggest you are coming up empty in some endeavor or plan.
In-Law: To see your in-law in your dream represents a working relationship which can take many different turns. The dream may also be a pun on being more careful and playing by the rules.
Ex-Boyfriend: It is very common for people to dream about ex-partners. Individuals that have been an important part of our lives continue to take up a part of our mind and heart. It is impossible to very dramatically shut the person out of thoughts and feelings. Just because the relationship ends does not mean that all is finished. As we go through relationships we learn and at times pick up "battle wounds." You will continue to dream about your ex-boyfriend until you "let go" of them on a very important level, or until you learned your lessons from that relationship. Either way, dreaming about your ex-romance does not predict future involvement. It may be wish-fulfillment, reliving memories or working out old issues.
Parking Lot: To dream you are in a parking lot suggests you need to slow down and take some time to relax from your daily activities. (This is very poignant)
Antique: To dream of antiques represents your time honored values, tradition, wisdom and inherited personal characteristics. It symbolizes something genuine or proven. Some things in your past are worth holding onto or worth keeping.
In reality I saw my ex of seven years last Friday. It was his 40th birthday. I deliberately stopped by his home with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. He and our long-time neighbor Rob were just walking back down the side yard on their way back from the chicken run. It had been a while, and it was good to see them both. I embraced RC and then Rob. My presence seemed equally well received, and Rob has always been kind to me. In fact as he headed back home he patted my ass when he walked by, almost in the manner of a coach. RC and I chatted for a bit. He showed me what he's been doing with the garden, that his brother was coming over the weekend to help repair the deck that appeared to be falling down. It was good to see him. I think he is happy. The home looks in need of some tidying up. I think he likes it the way it is, and that's all that matters.
Dream Definitions:
Skates: To see skates denotes discord among your associates.
Shopping Cart: To see or use a shopping cart in your dream indicates you are reaping the rewards and benefits of your hard work. If the shopping cart is empty, then it suggest you are coming up empty in some endeavor or plan.
In-Law: To see your in-law in your dream represents a working relationship which can take many different turns. The dream may also be a pun on being more careful and playing by the rules.
Ex-Boyfriend: It is very common for people to dream about ex-partners. Individuals that have been an important part of our lives continue to take up a part of our mind and heart. It is impossible to very dramatically shut the person out of thoughts and feelings. Just because the relationship ends does not mean that all is finished. As we go through relationships we learn and at times pick up "battle wounds." You will continue to dream about your ex-boyfriend until you "let go" of them on a very important level, or until you learned your lessons from that relationship. Either way, dreaming about your ex-romance does not predict future involvement. It may be wish-fulfillment, reliving memories or working out old issues.
Parking Lot: To dream you are in a parking lot suggests you need to slow down and take some time to relax from your daily activities. (This is very poignant)
Antique: To dream of antiques represents your time honored values, tradition, wisdom and inherited personal characteristics. It symbolizes something genuine or proven. Some things in your past are worth holding onto or worth keeping.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Three Consecutive Dreams (End of Feb.)
For the past three nights, I've had memorable dreams. All of them a bit unusual. Usually I don't dream every night or consecutively, so I thought this somewhat significant. I can recall the two previous nights' dreams more vividly than the last night's dream, which was very bizarre.
2/26: The dream seemed to have taken place in Austin (or somewhere like it). The main subject was a very large, old world brick apartment high rise which was being converted into condos. An office colleague I know in real life bought a unit in this building, completely gutted and remodeled it. In my dream he was a single dad with two daughters. In real life he's a bachelor. His unit on a higher floor (at least 10 or so stories up) was extraordinarily beautifully lavished open-concept with Romanesque columns and a stone terrace with a water feature. I recall lush greenery either bordering the outside edge of the terrace or surrounding the terrace from outside. I had the sense of daylight when looking out toward the terrace, which is uncommon in my dreams. I was looking at another unit across the hall, which was in such horrible shape I couldn't imagine someone trying to salvage it. As I was exiting the ruin, I was greeted by a woman on my office colleague's team. In real life she is pretty and just an all around lovely person. In my dream she appeared distorted and unclear. While still kind, there was a very bent sense about her I can't quite put into words.
Building: To see a building in your dream represents the self and the body. How high you are in the building indicates a rising level of understanding or awareness. To see a building in ruins or damaged indicates that your approach toward a situation or relationship is all wrong. You need to change. Your own self-image may have suffered and taken some blow.
Brick: Brick in a dream indicates unsettled business and disagreements in love affairs. Alternatively, this represents a person's individual ideas or thoughts. Experience and/or heartbreak may have hardened you.
Red: Red being the color of anger could be a warning to stay cool and keep your temper under control. A deep, blood red is usually a portent of good news to come. It is also the color of passion. Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps one needs to stop and think about one's actions.
Coworker: To see coworkers in your dream highlights aspects of your waking relationship with them, including difficulties/support. It signifies your ambition, struggles and competitive nature.
Girl: To dream of seeing a well, bright-looking girl, foretells pleasing prospects and domestic joys.
2/27: My husband, best friend and I were making dinner inside a beach cottage. The kitchen had white cabinets, which appeared to be somewhat updated. We had plans to further remodel the home. Even though by appearance the kitchen looked reasonably nice and well maintained, all the surfaces were filthy. We were all grossed out by it as we swept up tons of hair and dust. I recall going up to the rooftop deck as I needed to get the spare key. It was inside a panel on the wall of the box which housed the stairs back into the house. I remembered the first two numbers of the lock combo, 24 and 13, and guessed 5 as the last number and it worked. Even though I didn't see the beach or the ocean, I had a sense we were in this type of setting.
Husband: To see your husband in your dream signifies the waking relationship with your husband and the unconscious feelings you have towards him. The dream may be trying to focus on hidden elements that you are not addressing in your waking life.
Best Friend: The best friend can often symbolize your ideal situation or preferred outcome. The dream will be about what is best for you.
Cottage: To see a cottage in your dream represents comfort, peace and serenity. You prefer a quiet life of simplicity. The cottage may also represent an altered sense of reality and thus may be a means of escaping responsibilities and problems that may be associated with your home. You need to approach life's difficulties one at a time.
Coastal: The coast symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind - the rational and the irrational. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor of how you are "coasting" through life. You may need to take things more seriously. (I'm skeptical about the relevance of the latter part of this in relation to my current state of being).
Dirty: If you dream of being in dirty or messy surroundings, it is a positive omen meaning that whatever is worrying you will soon come to an orderly conclusion.
Lock: To dream of a lock denotes bewilderment. If the lock works at your command, or efforts, you will discover that some person is working you injury. If you are in love, you will find means to aid you in overcoming a rival; you will also make a prosperous journey. To see a lock in your dream signifies you inability to get what you want or that you are being kept out of some activity or situation. A lock can suggest either a new spiritual freedom is being offered to us or that the way forward is barred. Our actions are not appropriate. It is very easy to lock away the emotions, supposedly to keep them safe. A lock appearing in a dream may alert us to the fact that we need to free up whatever we have shut away.
Key: To find keys brings domestic peace and brisk turns to business. To see a key in your dreams symbolizes opportunities, access, control, secrets or responsibilities. You may be locking away your own inner feelings and emotions. Or you are close to unlocking the answer to some problem.
Numbers: Numbers in a dream often represent something deeply significant from the dreamer's real life. The numbers could represent a date. Or they may represent the age of a person you know or the time that an important event happened. Try to relate the dream numbers to your real life and see where they match. Alternatively, if you are worried about money in real life, dreams of numbers can be a reflection of this. To see or hear numbers in your dream may also symbolize material gains and possessions.
Twilight: To see twilight in your dream signifies an end to old conditions and situations.
2/28: I was in the Big Easy with a college acquaintance turned successful musician. The person I was with is those things in actuality, although very unlikely someone I would see often if ever in real life. We got stoned, and I think we were drinking because I worried about how consuming alchohol and spoking pot would affect my breathing ability and overall wellness. I remember walking through town. It was possibly supposed to be the French Quarter, it looked more like a 1950's downtown set with classic black building facades that had rows of white bulb lights and neon signs. I remember a basement where we were making music or there was a band. That part is vague as is having a brief run in with Baron Samedi before my dream completely transformed to another place and time.
The next part of my dream put me in what was supposed to be high school campus. It looked more like offices, like Microsoft's main campus in Redmond. The buildings were very minimalist, cube-like structures framed in black steel with walls of glass (some ceilings, too). I attended classes there at my current age of 39. I was reprimanded by a teacher for something I can't quite recall (being late to class or speaking out of turn). So I paid the principal a visit and was given 30 days of suspension, initially. I think somehow I had that overturned.
Next I recall some sort of prom or high school reunion where I saw a bunch of people I recognized from my Issaquah graduating glass of '92. Macklemore was the evening's entertainment. Women wearing a cross between a dress and a gown in various colors. Men wearing mostly black jackets and ties with white shirts. They styling of the venue looked much like the Big Easy scenes from the earlier part of this same dream.
City/Town: To see a city in your dream signifies a sense of community and your social environment. To see a busy town in your dream signifies warmth and your social nature. You get along with others.
Acquaintance: To meet an acquaintance and converse pleasantly with him foretells that your business will run smoothly, and there will be little discord in your domestic affairs. This may also represent aspects of yourself you are still trying to get to know.
Drugged: To take drugs as a source of amusement signifies someone is trying to lead you astray.
Marijuana: To dream you are using marijuana signifies illicit activity or ill health. It can also denote the fact of not being able to think clearly if you dream that you are smoking it, and this could cause you much trouble or stress. As an herb, it has curative powers. For the older generation of dreamers who still think of this as an herb, this is a warning to have your health seen by a professional. (I saw my doctor the day prior to this dream).
Drinking: To dream you are drinking alcohol denotes you are seeking either pleasure or escape.
Grim Reaper (Baron Samedi): To see the grim reaper in your dream signifies the negative, rejected aspects of your personality. It represents aspects of yourself that you have repressed. Alternatively it symbolizes death or the end of something.
High School: To dream of high school foretells ascension to more elevated positions in love as well as social and business affairs. This could also be a sign of a love affair that will be both exciting and disturbing. Another possibility is a reference to bounds and friendships one made while in high school. What spiritual lessons have been learned? This aspect of a dream could be an indication of needed preparation for the real world.
Suspended: To dream you are suspended from school indicates you are feeling disconnected. You may be questioning your identity and who you are. Perhaps you are questioning your future. Alternatively it refers to feelings of guilt and shame from your actions. You need to clear your conscience.
Prom: Proms in dreams represents celebrations, creation, new beginnings for romance and going with what life has to offer you. If you dream you are attending or going to a prom, it represents your attempts to achieve happiness.
Reunion: This signifies you will have cooperation of a kind that will help you to further your ambitions. This may also suggest feelings from the past need to be acknowledged and recognized. Alternatively, it indicates you have incorporated the various aspects/qualities of the people in your dream reunion.
Colors: Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions and vibes.
Musician: Music or a musician in your dream indicates you have the ability to channel. You can communicate with discarnate spirits. If you accept that you are a body with a soul then communication with spirit is not so alien. It is merely one soul communicating with another.
2/26: The dream seemed to have taken place in Austin (or somewhere like it). The main subject was a very large, old world brick apartment high rise which was being converted into condos. An office colleague I know in real life bought a unit in this building, completely gutted and remodeled it. In my dream he was a single dad with two daughters. In real life he's a bachelor. His unit on a higher floor (at least 10 or so stories up) was extraordinarily beautifully lavished open-concept with Romanesque columns and a stone terrace with a water feature. I recall lush greenery either bordering the outside edge of the terrace or surrounding the terrace from outside. I had the sense of daylight when looking out toward the terrace, which is uncommon in my dreams. I was looking at another unit across the hall, which was in such horrible shape I couldn't imagine someone trying to salvage it. As I was exiting the ruin, I was greeted by a woman on my office colleague's team. In real life she is pretty and just an all around lovely person. In my dream she appeared distorted and unclear. While still kind, there was a very bent sense about her I can't quite put into words.
Building: To see a building in your dream represents the self and the body. How high you are in the building indicates a rising level of understanding or awareness. To see a building in ruins or damaged indicates that your approach toward a situation or relationship is all wrong. You need to change. Your own self-image may have suffered and taken some blow.
Brick: Brick in a dream indicates unsettled business and disagreements in love affairs. Alternatively, this represents a person's individual ideas or thoughts. Experience and/or heartbreak may have hardened you.
Red: Red being the color of anger could be a warning to stay cool and keep your temper under control. A deep, blood red is usually a portent of good news to come. It is also the color of passion. Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps one needs to stop and think about one's actions.
Coworker: To see coworkers in your dream highlights aspects of your waking relationship with them, including difficulties/support. It signifies your ambition, struggles and competitive nature.
Girl: To dream of seeing a well, bright-looking girl, foretells pleasing prospects and domestic joys.
2/27: My husband, best friend and I were making dinner inside a beach cottage. The kitchen had white cabinets, which appeared to be somewhat updated. We had plans to further remodel the home. Even though by appearance the kitchen looked reasonably nice and well maintained, all the surfaces were filthy. We were all grossed out by it as we swept up tons of hair and dust. I recall going up to the rooftop deck as I needed to get the spare key. It was inside a panel on the wall of the box which housed the stairs back into the house. I remembered the first two numbers of the lock combo, 24 and 13, and guessed 5 as the last number and it worked. Even though I didn't see the beach or the ocean, I had a sense we were in this type of setting.
Husband: To see your husband in your dream signifies the waking relationship with your husband and the unconscious feelings you have towards him. The dream may be trying to focus on hidden elements that you are not addressing in your waking life.
Best Friend: The best friend can often symbolize your ideal situation or preferred outcome. The dream will be about what is best for you.
Cottage: To see a cottage in your dream represents comfort, peace and serenity. You prefer a quiet life of simplicity. The cottage may also represent an altered sense of reality and thus may be a means of escaping responsibilities and problems that may be associated with your home. You need to approach life's difficulties one at a time.
Coastal: The coast symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind - the rational and the irrational. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor of how you are "coasting" through life. You may need to take things more seriously. (I'm skeptical about the relevance of the latter part of this in relation to my current state of being).
Dirty: If you dream of being in dirty or messy surroundings, it is a positive omen meaning that whatever is worrying you will soon come to an orderly conclusion.
Lock: To dream of a lock denotes bewilderment. If the lock works at your command, or efforts, you will discover that some person is working you injury. If you are in love, you will find means to aid you in overcoming a rival; you will also make a prosperous journey. To see a lock in your dream signifies you inability to get what you want or that you are being kept out of some activity or situation. A lock can suggest either a new spiritual freedom is being offered to us or that the way forward is barred. Our actions are not appropriate. It is very easy to lock away the emotions, supposedly to keep them safe. A lock appearing in a dream may alert us to the fact that we need to free up whatever we have shut away.
Key: To find keys brings domestic peace and brisk turns to business. To see a key in your dreams symbolizes opportunities, access, control, secrets or responsibilities. You may be locking away your own inner feelings and emotions. Or you are close to unlocking the answer to some problem.
Numbers: Numbers in a dream often represent something deeply significant from the dreamer's real life. The numbers could represent a date. Or they may represent the age of a person you know or the time that an important event happened. Try to relate the dream numbers to your real life and see where they match. Alternatively, if you are worried about money in real life, dreams of numbers can be a reflection of this. To see or hear numbers in your dream may also symbolize material gains and possessions.
Twilight: To see twilight in your dream signifies an end to old conditions and situations.
2/28: I was in the Big Easy with a college acquaintance turned successful musician. The person I was with is those things in actuality, although very unlikely someone I would see often if ever in real life. We got stoned, and I think we were drinking because I worried about how consuming alchohol and spoking pot would affect my breathing ability and overall wellness. I remember walking through town. It was possibly supposed to be the French Quarter, it looked more like a 1950's downtown set with classic black building facades that had rows of white bulb lights and neon signs. I remember a basement where we were making music or there was a band. That part is vague as is having a brief run in with Baron Samedi before my dream completely transformed to another place and time.
The next part of my dream put me in what was supposed to be high school campus. It looked more like offices, like Microsoft's main campus in Redmond. The buildings were very minimalist, cube-like structures framed in black steel with walls of glass (some ceilings, too). I attended classes there at my current age of 39. I was reprimanded by a teacher for something I can't quite recall (being late to class or speaking out of turn). So I paid the principal a visit and was given 30 days of suspension, initially. I think somehow I had that overturned.
Next I recall some sort of prom or high school reunion where I saw a bunch of people I recognized from my Issaquah graduating glass of '92. Macklemore was the evening's entertainment. Women wearing a cross between a dress and a gown in various colors. Men wearing mostly black jackets and ties with white shirts. They styling of the venue looked much like the Big Easy scenes from the earlier part of this same dream.
City/Town: To see a city in your dream signifies a sense of community and your social environment. To see a busy town in your dream signifies warmth and your social nature. You get along with others.
Acquaintance: To meet an acquaintance and converse pleasantly with him foretells that your business will run smoothly, and there will be little discord in your domestic affairs. This may also represent aspects of yourself you are still trying to get to know.
Drugged: To take drugs as a source of amusement signifies someone is trying to lead you astray.
Marijuana: To dream you are using marijuana signifies illicit activity or ill health. It can also denote the fact of not being able to think clearly if you dream that you are smoking it, and this could cause you much trouble or stress. As an herb, it has curative powers. For the older generation of dreamers who still think of this as an herb, this is a warning to have your health seen by a professional. (I saw my doctor the day prior to this dream).
Drinking: To dream you are drinking alcohol denotes you are seeking either pleasure or escape.
Grim Reaper (Baron Samedi): To see the grim reaper in your dream signifies the negative, rejected aspects of your personality. It represents aspects of yourself that you have repressed. Alternatively it symbolizes death or the end of something.
High School: To dream of high school foretells ascension to more elevated positions in love as well as social and business affairs. This could also be a sign of a love affair that will be both exciting and disturbing. Another possibility is a reference to bounds and friendships one made while in high school. What spiritual lessons have been learned? This aspect of a dream could be an indication of needed preparation for the real world.
Suspended: To dream you are suspended from school indicates you are feeling disconnected. You may be questioning your identity and who you are. Perhaps you are questioning your future. Alternatively it refers to feelings of guilt and shame from your actions. You need to clear your conscience.
Prom: Proms in dreams represents celebrations, creation, new beginnings for romance and going with what life has to offer you. If you dream you are attending or going to a prom, it represents your attempts to achieve happiness.
Reunion: This signifies you will have cooperation of a kind that will help you to further your ambitions. This may also suggest feelings from the past need to be acknowledged and recognized. Alternatively, it indicates you have incorporated the various aspects/qualities of the people in your dream reunion.
Colors: Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions and vibes.
Musician: Music or a musician in your dream indicates you have the ability to channel. You can communicate with discarnate spirits. If you accept that you are a body with a soul then communication with spirit is not so alien. It is merely one soul communicating with another.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Hot Summer Intern
Once there was a time I thought I wanted to work in video and film. Actually, I was fascinated with media. I still am. There's just something about the power as well as responsibility to inform, story tell, entertain and enlighten a mass audience I've been drawn to since I can remember.
A while after our high school graduation, my friend Megan put me in contact with a local video and film producer. Michael Lienau frequented Cool Beans, the cafe across the street from his office where my friend worked as a barista. Thus began my hot summer internship in the historic heart of my hometown of Issaquah, which actually may have begun in winter.
Michael was best known for his nothing-short-of amazing Mt. St. Helens footage. At age 20 he was part of a camera crew that became trapped on the mountain during the volcano's infamous 1980 eruption. They were present immediately following the eruption, for the second largest eruption and were eventually rescued from the mountain after several days. Michael had a full head of hair until after the rescue, going bald while in the hospital. He told me half-joking one day that after Mt. St. Helens blew her top, he blew his.
The timing of my internship with his production company was interesting. During the summer of 1992 the North Seattle area was terrorized by a serial arsonist, the most prolific in our nation's history. If you Google Paul Keller a blub from Wikipedia will tell you he is a serial arsonist from Everett, Washington serving 99 years in prison without the possibility of parole. I can tell you he has two lovely parents who were devastated their beloved son's crime spree. He admitted to 76 arsons, which caused more than $30 million in property damages and claimed three lives. In a stunning twist, Paul's father connected the dots and was the one who turned him into the authorities.
Michael had just procured exclusive rights to the story when I came on board. We shot an in-depth piece for KING 5, NBC's Seattle affiliate. We also shot a special piece for Dateline working with one of the show's field producers and correspondent John Scott.
This all sounds very glamorous. I can assure you it was not. My primary duties were to schlep at exotic locations like the steps of the Snohomish County Courthouse in Everett or at a burned out marina warehouse in Marysville. I did get to work with Grant Goodeve, who I adored as the eldest brother David on TV's Eight is Enough. He hosted our segment for our local affiliate station. He's every bit as pleasant off camera as he is on camera. Really. I did learn that John Scott just wears jeans when he's on camera sitting down; business on top, party down below the desk, I guess. His New York-based field producer was an Asian man who wore cowboy boots the whole time they were here because they were in Seattle. I found that a little offensive.
I logged a lot of footage that summer, which could have been the most mundane of tasks. Except I was logging coveted Mt. St. Helens footage, likely scenes only a few people alive had ever seen before at the time. The raw power of nature. A sudden flash flood of volcanic mud washing out a bridge. Coming upon a vehicle sitting idle in the middle of an otherwise deserted road, at first appearing abandoned, and then on closer look a lifeless driver still inside at the wheel. Haunting.
Michael wanted the footage logged for a film he was hired to put together for the Mt. St. Helens Visitor's Center. I still have yet to see the finished product, and I'm certain its stunning.
During this time I was taking a media production course at the local community college and putting myself through school (and this unpaid internship) by more schlepping as a busboy at newly opened Ristorante Pompeii in Downtown Bellevue. I was taking home a couple hundred bucks from a single lunch shift, and getting my fill of iced breves (like two or more a day - sssshhhh).
My class was interesting and somewhat fun. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how to work the editing equipment properly. During the demos it looked straight forward enough. In practice it wouldn't take any of my commands, or I wasn't giving it the right ones. Who knows. Of course I put everything off to the last minute, no story boarding and did my own at home editing between camera and VCR. I guess what I'm trying to say is technically I sucked ass. Writing has always been more my thing anyway, and the technical stuff can get pretty tedious. Better to have learned these things early on than get stuck in some media k-hole, sweeping up scraps in some post production dungeon for the rest of my life.
OK, so I was neither hot nor was it summer. I did intern. Is the word intern really short for internment?
A while after our high school graduation, my friend Megan put me in contact with a local video and film producer. Michael Lienau frequented Cool Beans, the cafe across the street from his office where my friend worked as a barista. Thus began my hot summer internship in the historic heart of my hometown of Issaquah, which actually may have begun in winter.
Michael was best known for his nothing-short-of amazing Mt. St. Helens footage. At age 20 he was part of a camera crew that became trapped on the mountain during the volcano's infamous 1980 eruption. They were present immediately following the eruption, for the second largest eruption and were eventually rescued from the mountain after several days. Michael had a full head of hair until after the rescue, going bald while in the hospital. He told me half-joking one day that after Mt. St. Helens blew her top, he blew his.
The timing of my internship with his production company was interesting. During the summer of 1992 the North Seattle area was terrorized by a serial arsonist, the most prolific in our nation's history. If you Google Paul Keller a blub from Wikipedia will tell you he is a serial arsonist from Everett, Washington serving 99 years in prison without the possibility of parole. I can tell you he has two lovely parents who were devastated their beloved son's crime spree. He admitted to 76 arsons, which caused more than $30 million in property damages and claimed three lives. In a stunning twist, Paul's father connected the dots and was the one who turned him into the authorities.
Michael had just procured exclusive rights to the story when I came on board. We shot an in-depth piece for KING 5, NBC's Seattle affiliate. We also shot a special piece for Dateline working with one of the show's field producers and correspondent John Scott.
This all sounds very glamorous. I can assure you it was not. My primary duties were to schlep at exotic locations like the steps of the Snohomish County Courthouse in Everett or at a burned out marina warehouse in Marysville. I did get to work with Grant Goodeve, who I adored as the eldest brother David on TV's Eight is Enough. He hosted our segment for our local affiliate station. He's every bit as pleasant off camera as he is on camera. Really. I did learn that John Scott just wears jeans when he's on camera sitting down; business on top, party down below the desk, I guess. His New York-based field producer was an Asian man who wore cowboy boots the whole time they were here because they were in Seattle. I found that a little offensive.
I logged a lot of footage that summer, which could have been the most mundane of tasks. Except I was logging coveted Mt. St. Helens footage, likely scenes only a few people alive had ever seen before at the time. The raw power of nature. A sudden flash flood of volcanic mud washing out a bridge. Coming upon a vehicle sitting idle in the middle of an otherwise deserted road, at first appearing abandoned, and then on closer look a lifeless driver still inside at the wheel. Haunting.
Michael wanted the footage logged for a film he was hired to put together for the Mt. St. Helens Visitor's Center. I still have yet to see the finished product, and I'm certain its stunning.
During this time I was taking a media production course at the local community college and putting myself through school (and this unpaid internship) by more schlepping as a busboy at newly opened Ristorante Pompeii in Downtown Bellevue. I was taking home a couple hundred bucks from a single lunch shift, and getting my fill of iced breves (like two or more a day - sssshhhh).
My class was interesting and somewhat fun. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how to work the editing equipment properly. During the demos it looked straight forward enough. In practice it wouldn't take any of my commands, or I wasn't giving it the right ones. Who knows. Of course I put everything off to the last minute, no story boarding and did my own at home editing between camera and VCR. I guess what I'm trying to say is technically I sucked ass. Writing has always been more my thing anyway, and the technical stuff can get pretty tedious. Better to have learned these things early on than get stuck in some media k-hole, sweeping up scraps in some post production dungeon for the rest of my life.
OK, so I was neither hot nor was it summer. I did intern. Is the word intern really short for internment?
 |
| Pictured from left to right: Michael Lineau, Shari Lineau, some dude whose name escapes me, Grant Goodeve (the one time he's in the background), yours truly. |
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Dear, Putin: So sorry for your country's $51 billion loss ...
Wow, all that money, time and energy spent (wasted), and for what? More than 40,000 now vacant hotel rooms. Stadium facilities that are likely to follow your lead into ruin, Putin. Tisk, tisk.
LGBT tourists recently broke $200 billion in annual spending (http://m.hospitalitynet.org/news/4062941.html). In the below photo, let's imagine pretty woman Vivan Ward represents the LGBT community and the intolerant gal with the bad side ponytail, who only works in a shop mind you, represents Russia, Nigeria, Uganda and all the other areas of the world where doing others no harm isn't tolerated:
Well, at least money was enough to sway Arizona's bigoted "leadership." Kudos for sticking to your, uh, principles like wet cheese. May you and those who devoutly follow you find your way to doing the right thing soon (or at the very least doing others no harm). Love always & SWAK, MWAH!
Gov. Jan Brewer: "I didn't realize bigotry was so expensive!"
Let's be absolutely clear. Jan Brewer and her cronies didn't fold like cheap suits over Arizona's anti-gay bill because it was the right thing to do. The conceded to the pressure of losing money. I'm glad to live in Washington where we expect our elected officials to at least have a conscience. I sure hope these poor, lost souls find their way to doing the right thing as soon as humanely possible. BTW, ever wonder what other important bills are being passed when something like this blows up in the media?
Today's civic lesson: What greedy, power-hungry, plundering opportunists love most is also their greatest weakness; money. God bless America.
p.s. Jan, you may also want to consider employing a gay stylist. That "look" is mildly offensive. If you're going to embarrass yourself and all Arizonans on national media, the very least you can do is look pulled together and classy about it. Even though you represent all that is broken and corrupt in our society, I still want to be supportive of you as a human being.
Monsanto Named by Fortune Magazine as One of the World’s Most Admired Companies 2014
Monsanto must have paid a king's ransom to FORTUNE for this piece of disgusting fiction. Either that or Monsanto now owns FORTUNE (pardon the pun):
http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20140227005965/en/Monsanto-Named-Fortune-Magazine-World%E2%80%99s-Admired-Companies#.Uw-KAvumbig
If admiration is based on:
1) Greed
2) Putting Profit Over People
3) Jeopardizing Public Health
4) Environmental Destruction
5) Controlling the Masses via Owning Food Supply
Then, yeah, there's a lot to be admired by extreme capitalists who have infiltrated our governments and undermined the public.
Rule number one: Do others no harm. I hope Monsanto and FORTUNE find their way to doing the right thing.
http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20140227005965/en/Monsanto-Named-Fortune-Magazine-World%E2%80%99s-Admired-Companies#.Uw-KAvumbig
If admiration is based on:
1) Greed
2) Putting Profit Over People
3) Jeopardizing Public Health
4) Environmental Destruction
5) Controlling the Masses via Owning Food Supply
Then, yeah, there's a lot to be admired by extreme capitalists who have infiltrated our governments and undermined the public.
Rule number one: Do others no harm. I hope Monsanto and FORTUNE find their way to doing the right thing.
US Occupation of Our Bodies
What an incredibly poignant short film: http://www.upworthy.com/now-here-s-a-good-reason-to-cross-sodas-off-my-grocery-list-forever
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Stormy Ex In-Law Party Dream
Perhaps a mildly misleading post subject line. Last night's dream took place on a stormy, rainy night. I was at some party and the home belonged to my ex's folks. He was nowhere to be seen, but his two brothers were, one was bare chested and in incredible shape. It was one of those fragmented dreams that doesn't have a clear beginning nor a reasonable chronology to it. I remember trying to leave the house, and we had to do so through the basement. Yet the basement had a very small egress by which to exit. One had to literally squeeze through it.
After leaving the house, we were in Seattle's Downtown Belltown neighborhood. It was dark and raining. I had a bunch of stuff I was carrying from the party, too much for one person to handle. It needed to be transported back to my apartment, which was apparently nearby in my dream. Everyone nearby was kind of tipsy and no one really offered to help. A cardboard cutout of a teen heartthrob laid face up in the rain.
Suddenly I'm in a restaurant, apparently one in which I worked. I was there at this point to dine instead of serve. There weren't really any other people in the restaurant except for our party, and I was trying to help figure out the best accommodation for us. Faintly recall a large table in the back corner with bench seating on one side and large wooden chairs on the other with tables of varying heights having to be pushed together. The settings were nice.
Lastly I recall a red Jeep wrangler with the soft top off. I was trying to maneuver it around what appeared to be a junk yard and gas station combined. At one point I thought I was going to collide with the gas pump. Someone intending to do harm approached. I don't recall anything after this point.
Party: To dream of an unknown party of men assaulting you, and if you escape uninjured, you will overcome any opposition, either in business or love. To dream of attending a party of any kind for pleasure, you will find that life has much good.
Rain: To be out in a clear shower of rain denotes that pleasure will be enjoyed with the zest of youth, and prosperity will come to you.
In-Law: To see your in-law in your dream represents a working relationship which can take many different turns. The dream may also be a pun on being more careful and playing by the rules.
Restaurant: To dream you are in a restaurant suggest you are feeling overwhelmed by choices that you need to make in your life. This dream can also mean you are seeking emotional nourishment outside of your family or regular group of friends.
Car: To dream you are driving a car symbolizes your ambition and your ability to navigate from one stage of your life to another.
Night: To dream of night time signifies obstacles in achieving your goals. You may find that some issues you are facing are still unclear. Take more time to think before making a decision.
Man: To dream of a man, if handsome, well formed and supple denotes you will enjoy life vastly and come into rich possessions.
After leaving the house, we were in Seattle's Downtown Belltown neighborhood. It was dark and raining. I had a bunch of stuff I was carrying from the party, too much for one person to handle. It needed to be transported back to my apartment, which was apparently nearby in my dream. Everyone nearby was kind of tipsy and no one really offered to help. A cardboard cutout of a teen heartthrob laid face up in the rain.
Suddenly I'm in a restaurant, apparently one in which I worked. I was there at this point to dine instead of serve. There weren't really any other people in the restaurant except for our party, and I was trying to help figure out the best accommodation for us. Faintly recall a large table in the back corner with bench seating on one side and large wooden chairs on the other with tables of varying heights having to be pushed together. The settings were nice.
Lastly I recall a red Jeep wrangler with the soft top off. I was trying to maneuver it around what appeared to be a junk yard and gas station combined. At one point I thought I was going to collide with the gas pump. Someone intending to do harm approached. I don't recall anything after this point.
Party: To dream of an unknown party of men assaulting you, and if you escape uninjured, you will overcome any opposition, either in business or love. To dream of attending a party of any kind for pleasure, you will find that life has much good.
Rain: To be out in a clear shower of rain denotes that pleasure will be enjoyed with the zest of youth, and prosperity will come to you.
In-Law: To see your in-law in your dream represents a working relationship which can take many different turns. The dream may also be a pun on being more careful and playing by the rules.
Restaurant: To dream you are in a restaurant suggest you are feeling overwhelmed by choices that you need to make in your life. This dream can also mean you are seeking emotional nourishment outside of your family or regular group of friends.
Car: To dream you are driving a car symbolizes your ambition and your ability to navigate from one stage of your life to another.
Night: To dream of night time signifies obstacles in achieving your goals. You may find that some issues you are facing are still unclear. Take more time to think before making a decision.
Man: To dream of a man, if handsome, well formed and supple denotes you will enjoy life vastly and come into rich possessions.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Staying In Touch
Often I think back on my many lives over the years, being myriad people in various places. The rebellious West Houston adolescent. The bullied Issaquah geek. The exploratory San Luis Obispo lover of life. The adorable Midlothian child. The liberated Hechingen exchange student. The Tacoma slumlord. The San Pancho expat. The bright-eyed Seattleite, out on his own for the first time. And the list goes on ...
Take a moment and reflect back over your life. Think on all the people you've known, the places you've been and the experiences you've had. I'm turning 40 this year. Perhaps this comes with the territory, I've been extremely nostalgic as of late.
Do you have any regrets? A life with regret is a life not fully lived. I've lived a very full life, and yet I struggle with whether I have regret. If any, my regret would have a common theme; people. I love people. I love all kinds of people. Not everyone loves me. I don't love everyone, I'm working on it. Whether it's not connecting with people on a deeper level when given the opportunity or losing touch with people whose company I greatly enjoyed. I carry with me this faint sense of longing for people I've known, for missing them and our camaraderie. At the same time, I have an awareness my life is exactly the way I chose it to be.
When I first began writing this post, I was inspired by remembering those I once knew, loved and now deeply miss because our lives have grown apart. Don't get me wrong. I'm plenty content with my life, pretty comfortable in fact. At the root of this post is I'm beginning to question "what's next?" It's almost as if I'm graduating from college all over again and wondering what in the infinite realm of possibilities I want to do with my life next.
The practical part of me is married to the status quo. Practical me would have me continue building my real estate practice of 10 years such that it could possibly operate without me at the helm. What a luxury that would be. Then I would eventually retire comfortably with my husband in Mexico.
The passionate part of me has always felt a calling. Passionate me would have me engaged in the service of others on a grand scale. In eighth grade U.S. history, we learned about the activists. The one who most inspired me was Harriet Tubman. I would romanticize her missions to bring otherwise imprisoned people out from the murky shadows of oppression into the light of liberation. Incredible. Truly a person who lived life with great meaning.
I've had my stints with activism. In yet another one of my "past lives" as a collegiate newspaper reporter, I championed stories involving ethnic minority equality. Despite knowing better, I even covered a few stories championing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) equality. As a journalist, one never covers a beat one has a personal connection to (not to mention a passionate one). It would be another seven years before I would learn why there's a very good reason to not bend this rule.
Shortly after returning home to Seattle post college graduation, I joined a bit of a crusade for social justice campaigning for a sensible mass-transit solution in Seattle. While our grassroots organization thought we had triumphed by winning public votes on four occasions, ultimately the powers that be scrapped our idealistic vision for the city's future.
For nearly four years I re-engaged in the LGBT battle for equality crusade while directing communications for Seattle's LGBT nonprofit business chamber. Actually, ours was the largest chamber of its kind in the U.S. (if not the world), and the second largest chamber of commerce in Washington State. In addition to helping give the organization more clout and a stronger voice, I did quite a bit of advocacy work.
One of my greatest accomplishments was bringing Microsoft into our organization's fold. In 2005, under pressure from the late Ken Hutcherson, a local pastor who advocated ethnic equality while condemning LGBT equality, Microsoft changed its position to neutral just before a critical vote on an important anti-discrimination bill. The vote was close. The sudden lack of support from corporate giant Microsoft was cited as the primary reason the bill failed by one single vote in its 29th consecutive year before our state legislature.
I ghost wrote a letter from our organization to the corporate leadership at Microsoft. Not only did they answer our letter, they came back to us with a $10,000 check and joined our chamber as a corporate sponsor. Under real pressure from its own employees, including its LGBT employee advocacy group, as well as from countless other organizations, Microsoft changed its position to be in favor of protecting LGBT Washingtonians from discrimination.
The next year the anti-discrimination bill went before the state legislature for the 30th time. While Washington already had anti-discrimination laws, this particular bill proposed to broaden these laws to include LGBT people.
This was my second year participating in equality day in Olympia. Hundreds turned out for the rally in support of the anti-discrimination bill with strong, broad-based support from a very unlikely source; the faith community. The religious coalition for equality was an advocacy organization comprised of religious leaders representing different faiths.
Our rally filled the steps of the legislative building. Across the street on the lawn between our rally and the state supreme court were three anti-LGBT protesters holding the token signs like God hates fags, you're going to burn in hell and that type of hate speech. I'm not a Christian. Even so, I cannot imagine the Bible has any passage remotely implying God hates anything period. Sidebar here. From what I understand, God is the source of unconditional love. People hate. Something more perfect cannot come from something less perfect. I digress ...
What a festive day it was. A light dusting of snow blanketed the ground. A round of speeches from our out state legislators along with faith leaders uplifted the crowd's spirits. We were empowered to do our advocacy and lobby work. First thing was first; attending the final reading of the bill.
Before entering the senate gallery, we were warned what we may hear could be deeply emotional and disturbing. We were also told to keep silent, and anyone who broke silence would be removed. Nothing prepared me for what I witnessed coming from the senate floor. A number of our state senators stood on the floor inside our state capitol and denounced us as unworthy and far less than equal. I'm not entirely sure if I may have blocked out some of what I heard. I recall one Republican senator speaking pridefully about how their daughter is no longer welcome in their home so long as she remains with her girlfriend because her lifestyle goes against their religious beliefs. Families torn apart by a belief. I've stated this before, the word lie lies within the word belief. How loving?
While there were bright moments when educated senators spoke eloquently about the merits of treating people equally no matter who they are, there were others who had nothing but hateful and hurtful things to say. Many of us had grown up thinking something was wrong with us, that we were lesser beings and some of us are still to a degree self-loathing around who we are. The pen is mightier than the sword and the tongue can be just as damaging.
Our side of the gallery was overcome with emotion. A few people got up to leave because they had began to sob audibly. I felt my own eyes swell with tears, feeling the hurt from those around me, my colleagues, people I cared about. Every so often we would glance at one another as if to acknowledge we knew what the other was feeling. I was so present to the emotion connected to the anti-LGBT-equality speeches, I was unable to transcribe with any precision the hate messages being orated on the senate floor. Now far removed from this event, the practical side of me would have reveled in how interesting these hate speeches are on a historical level.
Another sidebar, and that is how badly I wanted my community's protection under the anti-discrimination laws. Yes, I have been discriminated against. Once by an employer. I had been working for a digital media staffing agency, and at the time accepted an underpaid promotion during a recession because the job market was so poor. We were setting up for a co-worker's wedding shower, when the company CFO said to me, "You know, Brad, you're lucky we're so cool to have someone like you working for us." Oh thank my lucky stars in heaven I get to engage in the same daily grind as my co-workers who are paid at least a third more than I am. Hoo-fucking-ray!
Who righteously professes that it's OK to exclude people and do them harm, let alone people who hold positions of influence? I understand free speech. I have a very cumbersome time trying to wrap my head around hate speech.
It seemed like the dramatic, final reading of the bill went on for an eternity. How relieved I was when it finally ended, and yet it haunted me for quite some time afterward.
Our group gathered in the marble-clad rotunda, and refocused ourselves on what we had come to do in Olympia. We divided into smaller groups and divvied up legislators who we were going to meet with. We took some Democrats to thank for their support. We also took several Republicans, including one from Redmond (home to Microsoft's headquarters) to enlist their support (if at all possible).
For me it was a bit like Christmas. We brought several of our 360+ page guides, my biggest annual project. This guide was the first with Microsoft's logo prominently displayed on the back cover.
We marched into the Republican legislative office building, greeted by a tacky portrait of 'Dubya' with his infamous, and usually inappropriately displayed, shit-eating grin. We knocked on the door of this key senator's office, and were greeted by their legislative aide. Unfortunately we missed them. Even so, I placed one of our guides face-down on their desk, placed a finger next to the logo and said, "The vote on this bill puts the senator in a big predicament. They can either vote with their constituents, and against their party. Or they can vote the party line, and misrepresent their constituents."
The aide actually seemed a bit flustered after my little speech, and they assured us they would let the senator know we stopped in. We thanked them, turned away and left the guide sitting on their desk.
The final senate vote on the bill was 25-23 in favor of passing the bill, which gave LGBT Washingtonians much needed protection from discrimination in employment, housing and transactions. Incidentally, the Republican senator from Redmond I gave my little pitch to abstained from the vote. I ran into the bill's sponsor (Seattle's current mayor) at one of our chamber events. He told me the Redmond senator called in sick the day of the vote. I asked if he thought our visit may have had something to do with it, and he said he thought it was more than possible. The governor signed the bill into law and the rest is history, as they say.
Numerous individuals and organizations fought valiantly for three decades to obtain basic anti-discrimination protections for LGBT people in Washington. I want to make that perfectly clear. This was a collective effort in which we played a very small, supporting role.
Ironically, I parted ways with Seattle's LGBT chamber for being marginalized by its executive director. After four years of service, I proposed to increase my rate for the very first time by four percent (the average national rate of inflation for one year). In discussing this with the executive director, she made a point of telling me the desktop publisher for our newsletter lives a very simple life and offers the organization very modest rates. Our mission was about expanding economic opportunities for those who support equality for all, and our organization's leader told me my skilled work held no more value than a pixel pusher. Before leaving on an extended holiday to Mexico, I left the executive director with a proposal I was confident she would reject. One can only bump up against a glass ceiling so many times before realizing one's own self worth. It's been six years and I haven't looked back.
Toward my latter days with the chamber as its communications director, I came to realize there are more important battles to triumph than social justice. What good is social justice if we don't have a sustainable place to call home; a healthy rock to live on? Don't get me wrong, I believe wholeheartedly in equality (gender, ethnic, sexual orientation, economic, etc.). More recently, since falling chronically ill, I've also become passionate about clean food and sustainable agriculture. I believe good, healthy food is a basic human right.
I will draw on my previous experience and ponder where to apply it next. I'll keep my day job and search for a volunteer opportunity I can apply my passion to. Well I guess only time will tell where the road leads me next, who I may encounter along the way and what other life iterations I'll embrace.
Take a moment and reflect back over your life. Think on all the people you've known, the places you've been and the experiences you've had. I'm turning 40 this year. Perhaps this comes with the territory, I've been extremely nostalgic as of late.
Do you have any regrets? A life with regret is a life not fully lived. I've lived a very full life, and yet I struggle with whether I have regret. If any, my regret would have a common theme; people. I love people. I love all kinds of people. Not everyone loves me. I don't love everyone, I'm working on it. Whether it's not connecting with people on a deeper level when given the opportunity or losing touch with people whose company I greatly enjoyed. I carry with me this faint sense of longing for people I've known, for missing them and our camaraderie. At the same time, I have an awareness my life is exactly the way I chose it to be.
When I first began writing this post, I was inspired by remembering those I once knew, loved and now deeply miss because our lives have grown apart. Don't get me wrong. I'm plenty content with my life, pretty comfortable in fact. At the root of this post is I'm beginning to question "what's next?" It's almost as if I'm graduating from college all over again and wondering what in the infinite realm of possibilities I want to do with my life next.
The practical part of me is married to the status quo. Practical me would have me continue building my real estate practice of 10 years such that it could possibly operate without me at the helm. What a luxury that would be. Then I would eventually retire comfortably with my husband in Mexico.
The passionate part of me has always felt a calling. Passionate me would have me engaged in the service of others on a grand scale. In eighth grade U.S. history, we learned about the activists. The one who most inspired me was Harriet Tubman. I would romanticize her missions to bring otherwise imprisoned people out from the murky shadows of oppression into the light of liberation. Incredible. Truly a person who lived life with great meaning.
I've had my stints with activism. In yet another one of my "past lives" as a collegiate newspaper reporter, I championed stories involving ethnic minority equality. Despite knowing better, I even covered a few stories championing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) equality. As a journalist, one never covers a beat one has a personal connection to (not to mention a passionate one). It would be another seven years before I would learn why there's a very good reason to not bend this rule.
Shortly after returning home to Seattle post college graduation, I joined a bit of a crusade for social justice campaigning for a sensible mass-transit solution in Seattle. While our grassroots organization thought we had triumphed by winning public votes on four occasions, ultimately the powers that be scrapped our idealistic vision for the city's future.
For nearly four years I re-engaged in the LGBT battle for equality crusade while directing communications for Seattle's LGBT nonprofit business chamber. Actually, ours was the largest chamber of its kind in the U.S. (if not the world), and the second largest chamber of commerce in Washington State. In addition to helping give the organization more clout and a stronger voice, I did quite a bit of advocacy work.
One of my greatest accomplishments was bringing Microsoft into our organization's fold. In 2005, under pressure from the late Ken Hutcherson, a local pastor who advocated ethnic equality while condemning LGBT equality, Microsoft changed its position to neutral just before a critical vote on an important anti-discrimination bill. The vote was close. The sudden lack of support from corporate giant Microsoft was cited as the primary reason the bill failed by one single vote in its 29th consecutive year before our state legislature.
I ghost wrote a letter from our organization to the corporate leadership at Microsoft. Not only did they answer our letter, they came back to us with a $10,000 check and joined our chamber as a corporate sponsor. Under real pressure from its own employees, including its LGBT employee advocacy group, as well as from countless other organizations, Microsoft changed its position to be in favor of protecting LGBT Washingtonians from discrimination.
The next year the anti-discrimination bill went before the state legislature for the 30th time. While Washington already had anti-discrimination laws, this particular bill proposed to broaden these laws to include LGBT people.
This was my second year participating in equality day in Olympia. Hundreds turned out for the rally in support of the anti-discrimination bill with strong, broad-based support from a very unlikely source; the faith community. The religious coalition for equality was an advocacy organization comprised of religious leaders representing different faiths.
Our rally filled the steps of the legislative building. Across the street on the lawn between our rally and the state supreme court were three anti-LGBT protesters holding the token signs like God hates fags, you're going to burn in hell and that type of hate speech. I'm not a Christian. Even so, I cannot imagine the Bible has any passage remotely implying God hates anything period. Sidebar here. From what I understand, God is the source of unconditional love. People hate. Something more perfect cannot come from something less perfect. I digress ...
What a festive day it was. A light dusting of snow blanketed the ground. A round of speeches from our out state legislators along with faith leaders uplifted the crowd's spirits. We were empowered to do our advocacy and lobby work. First thing was first; attending the final reading of the bill.
Before entering the senate gallery, we were warned what we may hear could be deeply emotional and disturbing. We were also told to keep silent, and anyone who broke silence would be removed. Nothing prepared me for what I witnessed coming from the senate floor. A number of our state senators stood on the floor inside our state capitol and denounced us as unworthy and far less than equal. I'm not entirely sure if I may have blocked out some of what I heard. I recall one Republican senator speaking pridefully about how their daughter is no longer welcome in their home so long as she remains with her girlfriend because her lifestyle goes against their religious beliefs. Families torn apart by a belief. I've stated this before, the word lie lies within the word belief. How loving?
While there were bright moments when educated senators spoke eloquently about the merits of treating people equally no matter who they are, there were others who had nothing but hateful and hurtful things to say. Many of us had grown up thinking something was wrong with us, that we were lesser beings and some of us are still to a degree self-loathing around who we are. The pen is mightier than the sword and the tongue can be just as damaging.
Our side of the gallery was overcome with emotion. A few people got up to leave because they had began to sob audibly. I felt my own eyes swell with tears, feeling the hurt from those around me, my colleagues, people I cared about. Every so often we would glance at one another as if to acknowledge we knew what the other was feeling. I was so present to the emotion connected to the anti-LGBT-equality speeches, I was unable to transcribe with any precision the hate messages being orated on the senate floor. Now far removed from this event, the practical side of me would have reveled in how interesting these hate speeches are on a historical level.
Another sidebar, and that is how badly I wanted my community's protection under the anti-discrimination laws. Yes, I have been discriminated against. Once by an employer. I had been working for a digital media staffing agency, and at the time accepted an underpaid promotion during a recession because the job market was so poor. We were setting up for a co-worker's wedding shower, when the company CFO said to me, "You know, Brad, you're lucky we're so cool to have someone like you working for us." Oh thank my lucky stars in heaven I get to engage in the same daily grind as my co-workers who are paid at least a third more than I am. Hoo-fucking-ray!
Who righteously professes that it's OK to exclude people and do them harm, let alone people who hold positions of influence? I understand free speech. I have a very cumbersome time trying to wrap my head around hate speech.
It seemed like the dramatic, final reading of the bill went on for an eternity. How relieved I was when it finally ended, and yet it haunted me for quite some time afterward.
Our group gathered in the marble-clad rotunda, and refocused ourselves on what we had come to do in Olympia. We divided into smaller groups and divvied up legislators who we were going to meet with. We took some Democrats to thank for their support. We also took several Republicans, including one from Redmond (home to Microsoft's headquarters) to enlist their support (if at all possible).
For me it was a bit like Christmas. We brought several of our 360+ page guides, my biggest annual project. This guide was the first with Microsoft's logo prominently displayed on the back cover.
We marched into the Republican legislative office building, greeted by a tacky portrait of 'Dubya' with his infamous, and usually inappropriately displayed, shit-eating grin. We knocked on the door of this key senator's office, and were greeted by their legislative aide. Unfortunately we missed them. Even so, I placed one of our guides face-down on their desk, placed a finger next to the logo and said, "The vote on this bill puts the senator in a big predicament. They can either vote with their constituents, and against their party. Or they can vote the party line, and misrepresent their constituents."
The aide actually seemed a bit flustered after my little speech, and they assured us they would let the senator know we stopped in. We thanked them, turned away and left the guide sitting on their desk.
The final senate vote on the bill was 25-23 in favor of passing the bill, which gave LGBT Washingtonians much needed protection from discrimination in employment, housing and transactions. Incidentally, the Republican senator from Redmond I gave my little pitch to abstained from the vote. I ran into the bill's sponsor (Seattle's current mayor) at one of our chamber events. He told me the Redmond senator called in sick the day of the vote. I asked if he thought our visit may have had something to do with it, and he said he thought it was more than possible. The governor signed the bill into law and the rest is history, as they say.
Numerous individuals and organizations fought valiantly for three decades to obtain basic anti-discrimination protections for LGBT people in Washington. I want to make that perfectly clear. This was a collective effort in which we played a very small, supporting role.
Ironically, I parted ways with Seattle's LGBT chamber for being marginalized by its executive director. After four years of service, I proposed to increase my rate for the very first time by four percent (the average national rate of inflation for one year). In discussing this with the executive director, she made a point of telling me the desktop publisher for our newsletter lives a very simple life and offers the organization very modest rates. Our mission was about expanding economic opportunities for those who support equality for all, and our organization's leader told me my skilled work held no more value than a pixel pusher. Before leaving on an extended holiday to Mexico, I left the executive director with a proposal I was confident she would reject. One can only bump up against a glass ceiling so many times before realizing one's own self worth. It's been six years and I haven't looked back.
Toward my latter days with the chamber as its communications director, I came to realize there are more important battles to triumph than social justice. What good is social justice if we don't have a sustainable place to call home; a healthy rock to live on? Don't get me wrong, I believe wholeheartedly in equality (gender, ethnic, sexual orientation, economic, etc.). More recently, since falling chronically ill, I've also become passionate about clean food and sustainable agriculture. I believe good, healthy food is a basic human right.
I will draw on my previous experience and ponder where to apply it next. I'll keep my day job and search for a volunteer opportunity I can apply my passion to. Well I guess only time will tell where the road leads me next, who I may encounter along the way and what other life iterations I'll embrace.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Are We Fuk'd Update
Richard returned to Shi Shi Beach last Thursday, equipped with my Geiger counter and his video camera. While he found no detectable levels of radiation, his overall findings cannot completely dismiss Fukushima fallout adversely affecting our local ecology. Here's a link to this post for deeper insight: http://toweringcrane.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/this-beach-looks-fukd-part-2/
From the time we can comprehend our modern world, we're taught we're separate from one another and from the Earth. Therefore it stands to reason why we fail to comprehend the extent of our impact on each other and our planet.
While a chaos theory such a the butterfly effect may have yet to be proven fact, most of us are aware even small actions can have dire consequences. We would all be terribly remiss to not acknowledge Fukushima has released something harmful into our environment. Whether it's a little or a lot is moot.
All nuclear operations, whether for civilian or "defense" purposes, produce an extremely harmful byproduct; highly concentrated radioactive toxins. After seven decades of nuclear weapon and electric production, humanity still has yet to develop a way to neutralize toxic waste. To forge ahead with nuclear anything without a way to render the hazardous byproduct as harmless is just grossly negligent and criminally irresponsible.
I want to say confidently we deserve better. I can say confidently our world deserves better than us, to be infected by humans, a highly destructive specie. If our Earth seems angry at times, it's with good reason. Be assured the world is not against humanity so much as we are against ourselves and the world if our specie continues on our present course.
Our very first step is to wake up, collectively, and realize we have serious problems. Then, and only then, will we be able better ourselves. Earth, like the human body, was formed with a seemingly magical ability to heal itself. If we haven't already adversely impacted the planet's ecology past its point of no return, we can take measures to allow our world to heal itself. This begins with each of us, our willingness to honestly see our mistakes without judgment and fix what we've broken. Let us not be defined by our problems, only by how we overcome them.
From the time we can comprehend our modern world, we're taught we're separate from one another and from the Earth. Therefore it stands to reason why we fail to comprehend the extent of our impact on each other and our planet.
While a chaos theory such a the butterfly effect may have yet to be proven fact, most of us are aware even small actions can have dire consequences. We would all be terribly remiss to not acknowledge Fukushima has released something harmful into our environment. Whether it's a little or a lot is moot.
All nuclear operations, whether for civilian or "defense" purposes, produce an extremely harmful byproduct; highly concentrated radioactive toxins. After seven decades of nuclear weapon and electric production, humanity still has yet to develop a way to neutralize toxic waste. To forge ahead with nuclear anything without a way to render the hazardous byproduct as harmless is just grossly negligent and criminally irresponsible.
I want to say confidently we deserve better. I can say confidently our world deserves better than us, to be infected by humans, a highly destructive specie. If our Earth seems angry at times, it's with good reason. Be assured the world is not against humanity so much as we are against ourselves and the world if our specie continues on our present course.
Our very first step is to wake up, collectively, and realize we have serious problems. Then, and only then, will we be able better ourselves. Earth, like the human body, was formed with a seemingly magical ability to heal itself. If we haven't already adversely impacted the planet's ecology past its point of no return, we can take measures to allow our world to heal itself. This begins with each of us, our willingness to honestly see our mistakes without judgment and fix what we've broken. Let us not be defined by our problems, only by how we overcome them.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Cloud Seeding in the News
This afternoon I was driving back home from the office when I heard a news story about cloud seeding, also known as weather modification, on National Public Radio's All Things Considered. Here's a link to the report: http://science.kqed.org/quest/audio/in-dry-year-california-looks-to-cloud-seeding/
California has been experimenting with cloud seeding to increase precipitation since the middle of last century. The problems with this are:
1) This program costs millions of dollars annually, and it's still unknown whether there's any benefit
2) A non-organic chemical is deployed into the air and subsequently the surrounding environment which is toxic
The chemical used is silver iodide. While silver compounds are reported to be "much less toxic than other heavy metals," the reality is these compounds are still toxic.
Science appears to be getting desperate to solve problems such as water scarcity, which is directly linked to human consumption. It doesn't take a well educated person to understand pumping harmful chemicals into our environment will only further damage our resources, ecological and human well being overall. Instead of continuing to push the envelope on how far our environment can sustain human development, why don't we look at more ways in which we humans can limit our demands/burdens on our world?
California has been experimenting with cloud seeding to increase precipitation since the middle of last century. The problems with this are:
1) This program costs millions of dollars annually, and it's still unknown whether there's any benefit
2) A non-organic chemical is deployed into the air and subsequently the surrounding environment which is toxic
The chemical used is silver iodide. While silver compounds are reported to be "much less toxic than other heavy metals," the reality is these compounds are still toxic.
Science appears to be getting desperate to solve problems such as water scarcity, which is directly linked to human consumption. It doesn't take a well educated person to understand pumping harmful chemicals into our environment will only further damage our resources, ecological and human well being overall. Instead of continuing to push the envelope on how far our environment can sustain human development, why don't we look at more ways in which we humans can limit our demands/burdens on our world?
Morning Inspiration
As I perused through Facebook this morning, I ran across a post that really struck a positive chord. Here's a link to it: https://www.facebook.com/debby.crawford/posts/10152105661382319
The synopsis is this woman's home sustained severe water and electrical damage while she and her family were away on vacation. Their neighbor who was checking on the home discovered the problem, and had their plumber shutoff the water. The woman and her family returned home a day earlier than planned to deal with the problem, and find a new place to live.
The woman today received the following message:
"On this day of your life, Debby, I believe God wants you to know......that earthly possessions are not what you came here to gather. Do not worry about your earthly possessions. Place your attention on your heavenly goal--the evolution of your soul--and you will find peace even while on earth. You will not have to think but a second to know"
Incredibly inspiring sharing of wisdom, at least I think so.
Our culture leads us to believe he or she who has the most toys wins. Wins what exactly? Even those who allegedly have so-called everything, fortune, fame, etc., they at times are still unhappy and unfulfilled. What fulfills us is that which lifts our spirit.
"A meaningful life is not being rich, popular, being highly educated or being perfect ... It is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then we could have a full, happy and contended life." - Unknown
I'm certain that's what every human desires, to have a full, happy and contended life.
The synopsis is this woman's home sustained severe water and electrical damage while she and her family were away on vacation. Their neighbor who was checking on the home discovered the problem, and had their plumber shutoff the water. The woman and her family returned home a day earlier than planned to deal with the problem, and find a new place to live.
The woman today received the following message:
"On this day of your life, Debby, I believe God wants you to know......that earthly possessions are not what you came here to gather. Do not worry about your earthly possessions. Place your attention on your heavenly goal--the evolution of your soul--and you will find peace even while on earth. You will not have to think but a second to know"
Incredibly inspiring sharing of wisdom, at least I think so.
Our culture leads us to believe he or she who has the most toys wins. Wins what exactly? Even those who allegedly have so-called everything, fortune, fame, etc., they at times are still unhappy and unfulfilled. What fulfills us is that which lifts our spirit.
"A meaningful life is not being rich, popular, being highly educated or being perfect ... It is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then we could have a full, happy and contended life." - Unknown
I'm certain that's what every human desires, to have a full, happy and contended life.
Last Night's Dream
My husband and I were in a newer townhome either on NW Capitol Hill or otherwise near to Seattle's Eastlake neighborhood. We had a view of Lake Union from across Interstate 5. A seaplane coated in branding representing one of our local lifestyle TV news programs took off from the lake, buzzed the freeway and the home we were in while spraying some sort of fog out its tail. I noticed the window before me was open, so I closed it just before the spray hit. It was like a crystallized or frozen sort of white foam. This must be some form of chemical. I thought it a good idea to find something to collect a sample in, so I went into the kitchen and fumbled around looking for an airtight container. It was then when I awoke ...
Interpretations
Airplane (no definition for Seaplane found): To see an airplane in your dream indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise above to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, newfound freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something. If the airplane is taking off, then it suggests that an idea or plan is about to "take off" and be put into action. It may also represent your need to get away and escape from your daily life.
Chemicals: To see or use chemicals in your dream, signifies that you are undergoing some transformation and individuation process.
Window: Looking through a window represents insight and attitude towards life. What you see out the window, whether it's a positive or negative view, suggests how optimistic or pessimistic you are in general. To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. To dream you are looking out a window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life.
Interpretations
Airplane (no definition for Seaplane found): To see an airplane in your dream indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise above to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, newfound freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something. If the airplane is taking off, then it suggests that an idea or plan is about to "take off" and be put into action. It may also represent your need to get away and escape from your daily life.
Chemicals: To see or use chemicals in your dream, signifies that you are undergoing some transformation and individuation process.
Window: Looking through a window represents insight and attitude towards life. What you see out the window, whether it's a positive or negative view, suggests how optimistic or pessimistic you are in general. To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. To dream you are looking out a window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life.
Purpose
Lately I've felt more and more drawn toward having a more profound sense of purpose in my life. Even as a child I had envisioned serving a greater good.
With so much that ails our world and humanity, it's really challenging to choose where to begin focus one's positive energy. Is it in the direction of what's most urgently needed? Is it in the direction of what will have the greatest impact?
For me, I think it's starting small and gravitating toward what I'm most passionate about. So far what I feel most impassioned by is love, truth and the dissemination of both.
Love is the greatest and most challenging of all. Love requires us to love ourselves and others especially when appearing to be least deserving of it. It requires one to relinquish ego altogether and purely come from the heart.
Truth is elusive in our time of corporate-owned mass media. Sometimes we get a little truth. Sometimes we just get what we get and it's not true at all. A lack of truth is the price we all pay for not paying directly for content itself.
I'm just going to continue sharing thoughts, and we'll see where this leads ...
With so much that ails our world and humanity, it's really challenging to choose where to begin focus one's positive energy. Is it in the direction of what's most urgently needed? Is it in the direction of what will have the greatest impact?
For me, I think it's starting small and gravitating toward what I'm most passionate about. So far what I feel most impassioned by is love, truth and the dissemination of both.
Love is the greatest and most challenging of all. Love requires us to love ourselves and others especially when appearing to be least deserving of it. It requires one to relinquish ego altogether and purely come from the heart.
Truth is elusive in our time of corporate-owned mass media. Sometimes we get a little truth. Sometimes we just get what we get and it's not true at all. A lack of truth is the price we all pay for not paying directly for content itself.
I'm just going to continue sharing thoughts, and we'll see where this leads ...
Choosing Belief
Just a brief follow up to the previous post "Seeking Truth." Those mired in belief create their own truth. I felt it important to acknowledge this. In essence, we each create our own meaning of life. We can choose to believe people are inherently good. We can choose to believe people are inherently bad. We can choose to love people. We can choose to condemn people. Ask yourself to the core of your being, what kind of a world do you wholeheartedly want to live in?
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Verum Quaero "Seeking Truth"
Truth is most often used to mean in accord
with fact or reality,[1] or fidelity to an original or to a standard
or ideal.[1]
Belief is the psychological state in which an
individual holds a conjecture or premise to be true.[1]
I'd like to make some clarifications about these two very well known English words; truth and belief. Truth is fact, which can be proven. Belief is an idea requiring blind faith absent any requirement of evidence. This distinction is of particular importance in cases where religion is applied upon governance. In this application, those rooted in belief are usually delusional about the truth, acting as if these two words were one in the same. They are not only not the same, they are very different.
The belief perspective is a wreckless one contrary to what religious doctrine itself states about misrepresenting or not telling the truth. Many religious organizations would refer to the practice of misinformation or not telling the truth as a lie and/or sin. Interesting the word "lie" is contained within the word "belief." Just an observation.
For a society of people to function in a healthy manner, the public must be able to make choices based on a broad spectrum of information rooted in truth. Anything less than the truth is grossly negligent, depriving people of justice and basic human decency.
So my question to you, do you believe government tells you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? If government were being completely truthful and always acting with utmost integrity in the best interest of the people it serves, why would our government repeal American citizens' rights to free speech set forth in the United States Constitution through such "laws" as the "Patriot Act?"
I'd like to make some clarifications about these two very well known English words; truth and belief. Truth is fact, which can be proven. Belief is an idea requiring blind faith absent any requirement of evidence. This distinction is of particular importance in cases where religion is applied upon governance. In this application, those rooted in belief are usually delusional about the truth, acting as if these two words were one in the same. They are not only not the same, they are very different.
The belief perspective is a wreckless one contrary to what religious doctrine itself states about misrepresenting or not telling the truth. Many religious organizations would refer to the practice of misinformation or not telling the truth as a lie and/or sin. Interesting the word "lie" is contained within the word "belief." Just an observation.
For a society of people to function in a healthy manner, the public must be able to make choices based on a broad spectrum of information rooted in truth. Anything less than the truth is grossly negligent, depriving people of justice and basic human decency.
So my question to you, do you believe government tells you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? If government were being completely truthful and always acting with utmost integrity in the best interest of the people it serves, why would our government repeal American citizens' rights to free speech set forth in the United States Constitution through such "laws" as the "Patriot Act?"
Patriots (also known as Rebels, Revolutionaries, Congress-Men, or American Whigs) were those colonists of the British Thirteen United Colonies that violently rebelled against British control during the American Revolution and in July 1776 declared the United States of America an independent nation. Their rebellion was based on the political philosophy of republicanism, as expressed by pamphleteers, such as Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton, and Thomas Paine.
As a group, Patriots represented a wide array of social, economic, ethnic and racial backgrounds. They included lawyers like John Adams and Alexander Hamilton; planters like Thomas Jefferson and George Mason; merchants like Alexander McDougall and ordinary farmers like Daniel Shays and Joseph Plumb Martin.
It occurs for me as dishonest and arrogant to label an act which repeals our basic freedom of speech, among many other constitutional rights revocations, as patriotic. Our founding fathers fought valiantly in small numbers, sacrificing everything for freedom. Is history repeating itself? If so, how and at what point can we break this highly unproductive and volatile pattern of freeing ourselves only to once more find ourselves oppressed?
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world; indeed it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Dr. William Ellery Channing, Sri Chinmoy Ghose, Jimi Hendrix
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Heavenly Stream & Are We Fuk'd?
Yesterday afternoon my acupuncturist administered me the "Heavenly Stream" treatment, saying most of his patients aren't healthy enough to receive it. This is really great news, especially for someone who has been suffering from chronic autoimmune disease/hypothyroiditis for more than a year.
I'm told in Chinese medicine the spleen is responsible for even distribution of energy throughout the body, and this treatment goes effectively to the heart of this. After receiving this treatment, I was advised to do things that support the Heavenly Stream.
"Such as?" I naturally asked.
"It's different for everyone," my acupuncturist said. "For me I find yoga very helpful. Things that really lift your spirit."
I felt a bit spacey after leaving the Sacred Garden Healing Center. On our way home my husband and I (still so fun to state that) did a bit of shopping at our favorite little consignment shop at the edge of Downtown Seattle. We found a couple gorgeous ceramic pieces, ones he had been eying and I had considered purchasing him for Christmas. I digress ...
Slept really well last night, a full eight hours. And I don't recall post treatment having much if any food sensitivity, which is a first in well over a year. Feel like I have my wizard of an acupuncturist and the Heavenly Stream to thank for these blessings.
To stay on course with the treatment, and because it's one of my New Year's resolutions, I did a 20 minute sitting meditation first thing this morning. Quickly recalling how luxurious it is to meditate, I feel like I should be able to keep with my intention and engage in practice for at least a few minutes each day.
Shortly after concluding this morning's practice, I noticed some chemtrails right over my home and neighborhood. For some reason I was driven to snap a photo of it.
From what I've read, and who knows what sources one can rely on in this day and age, chemtrails are distinguished from vaportrails because chemtrails linger for quite some time. I've also read the chemicals take about a day to fall back to the earth from their approximate 15,000 foot altitudes where they're released into the stratosphere. The chemicals commonly used in chemtrails/cloud seeding/geo engineering are aluminum, barium, bromine and strontium; all highly toxic to terrestrial life.
I've learned to notice with curiosity. So I did a little more chemtrail research today. Many would discount this topic as conspiracy theory. I'm pretty sure those people are either serving the ruling class or they are like most of us who really would rather not acknowledge their lives could ever be deplorably disrupted.
Then there are those, like myself, who take a wholehearted interest in nature and cannot help observing how much hazier our skies have become. "The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle," as the song goes. In the past couple decades, the last 10 years especially, this verse has nearly become a lie along with a nostalgic antiquity.
One media piece I viewed about chemtrails had a clip from the film The Road. That film has periodically haunted me since I first saw it a few years ago. I used to wonder how the world died since the film doesn't delve into it. Since learning about chemtrails, I'm now of the mind this film may be an uber poignant and timely commentary about the incredibly stupid or diabolical practice of geo engineering. Stupid if those responsible are doing this in the name of global warming. Diabolical if those responsible are doing this in the name of planetary population reduction and/or proliferation of foods engineered to resist these horrific toxins. My greater point is the realization of how plausible, even tangible, it is for humanity to kill our beautiful world.
I'm writing this in a way to be alarmist, just not in the way you might be thinking. I want to raise awareness, not fear. It would be natural for anyone to have fear around such a doomsday scenario. The ruling class wants us to be afraid. Fear paralyses and weakens the people, which makes the people easy to control.
Humanity has had the means to destroy ourselves and the world along with us since the dawn of the atomic age, probably even before. So why haven't we? It's fairly common knowledge the developed and developing nations are harming, even in the process of destroying, the planet's ecology; our habitat.
Here's the good news. If we have the power to destroy, we also have the power to create and restore. Think of all the incredible marvels humans have brought into reality. Our ideas first exist in a stream of consciousness. It takes just one person to tap into that consciousness, take hold of an idea and then take action to bring forth the idea into existence. Just the very thought we can restore our planet's ecology already creates the possibility of this being so.
Further into the day I did a yoga practice, which was very rewarding. Upon beginning my practice, I felt very heavy. Upon completing my practice, I felt very light/uplifted. Yet a short while later I stumbled upon a friend's concerning post about his recent trip to the Washington coast. A more elaborate version exists on his blog, which is entitled 'This Beach Looks Fuk'd:' http://toweringcrane.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/this-beach-looks-fukd/
The images are telling and disturbing. In his social media post, Richard relayed his discovery and put a call out for a Geiger counter. He received nearly 50 responses, including my offer to lend him mine. He phoned tonight, is coming by to pick it up this week. He'll then head back to the coast to take some readings, especially around this pink/purple slime he encountered along with the numerous aquatic carcases.
Richard is a recent cancer survivor. His query into Fukushima radiation washing ashore isn't about being alarmist. Most of us are well aware there's a lot of misinformation about this and likely a greater lack of information our governments are consciously withholding from us. Having the health challenges he's overcome, Richard is naturally very sensitive about these subjects. From my own experience I can very much relate to and appreciate this.
Elevated radiation is a fact of life since we first learned to split atoms. We've been living in a world with radiation for decades now. So some low level radiation may not be harmful. Thus getting more information is a matter of understanding our reality as it actually exists. Maybe there are measures we can take to mitigate risk and exposure. Ignorance isn't always bliss, though I'm pretty sure it mostly is (smiling).
During our conversation I relayed to Richard my recent toxicology screen, which revealed I have an elevated level of cesium. He asked which one, and I'm pretty sure it was either 137 or 134. He wants a copy of the report, which I should be able to get him in the coming week. Depending on what he finds at the coast, he may put together a short film about this.
From our conversation I gathered Richard and I have a similar mindset. We're both truth seekers, and the truth we seek is merely to be aware of what's going on in our world. We care. We give a shit. We want to help. He put it this way in one of his social media comments in response to his post about his coastal findings:
"... what we can do is stop buying into this paradigm of thinking which says the people governing our planet really have our best interests at heart, and that there might be other options for doing business on planet earth. Events like this will hopefully help people realize we need to stop giving them power - the amounts of radiation aren't important. What's important is no longer accepting a status quo that could kill us all eventually," wrote Richard, adding ...
"I think the bigger problem is us on a spiritual and moral level - letting big business dictate our mental, social, and ecological health. It puts us in these unnecessary crises (sorry, don't know the plural for crisis). I had cancer - and what fixed it was acknowledging the serious of it and then doing EVERYTHING IT TOOK TO FIX IT. That's something I don't see happening with Fukushima, and that's why I do think its a problem. Are there some doomsday scenarios? Sure. Everyday is doomsday these days. But there also opportunities to change. The chinese word for crises is 'Dangerous Opportunity.' That's what we have here I'm afraid."
For some time I've been pondering how I can contribute to a healthier world. Perhaps my way of contributing has been right in front of me for quite some time. I'm inspired by virtuous purpose. We'll see where the road leads ...
Are we Fuk'd? Possibly. Are we fucked? As long as humanity maintains sensibility, optimism and takes action from the heart, the possibility of a healthy future absolutely exists.
As I reflect on the Heavenly Stream, and think on ways I can support my treatment, eureka! I love sharing stories through the written word. More to follow soon.
I'm told in Chinese medicine the spleen is responsible for even distribution of energy throughout the body, and this treatment goes effectively to the heart of this. After receiving this treatment, I was advised to do things that support the Heavenly Stream.
"Such as?" I naturally asked.
"It's different for everyone," my acupuncturist said. "For me I find yoga very helpful. Things that really lift your spirit."
I felt a bit spacey after leaving the Sacred Garden Healing Center. On our way home my husband and I (still so fun to state that) did a bit of shopping at our favorite little consignment shop at the edge of Downtown Seattle. We found a couple gorgeous ceramic pieces, ones he had been eying and I had considered purchasing him for Christmas. I digress ...
Slept really well last night, a full eight hours. And I don't recall post treatment having much if any food sensitivity, which is a first in well over a year. Feel like I have my wizard of an acupuncturist and the Heavenly Stream to thank for these blessings.
To stay on course with the treatment, and because it's one of my New Year's resolutions, I did a 20 minute sitting meditation first thing this morning. Quickly recalling how luxurious it is to meditate, I feel like I should be able to keep with my intention and engage in practice for at least a few minutes each day.
Shortly after concluding this morning's practice, I noticed some chemtrails right over my home and neighborhood. For some reason I was driven to snap a photo of it.
 |
| (Sorry, I can't get this image verticle.) Notice the white trail in the center of the photograph. This is a view looking from my home out across my back garden around 9 AM on Jan. 4, '14. |
I've learned to notice with curiosity. So I did a little more chemtrail research today. Many would discount this topic as conspiracy theory. I'm pretty sure those people are either serving the ruling class or they are like most of us who really would rather not acknowledge their lives could ever be deplorably disrupted.
Then there are those, like myself, who take a wholehearted interest in nature and cannot help observing how much hazier our skies have become. "The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle," as the song goes. In the past couple decades, the last 10 years especially, this verse has nearly become a lie along with a nostalgic antiquity.
One media piece I viewed about chemtrails had a clip from the film The Road. That film has periodically haunted me since I first saw it a few years ago. I used to wonder how the world died since the film doesn't delve into it. Since learning about chemtrails, I'm now of the mind this film may be an uber poignant and timely commentary about the incredibly stupid or diabolical practice of geo engineering. Stupid if those responsible are doing this in the name of global warming. Diabolical if those responsible are doing this in the name of planetary population reduction and/or proliferation of foods engineered to resist these horrific toxins. My greater point is the realization of how plausible, even tangible, it is for humanity to kill our beautiful world.
I'm writing this in a way to be alarmist, just not in the way you might be thinking. I want to raise awareness, not fear. It would be natural for anyone to have fear around such a doomsday scenario. The ruling class wants us to be afraid. Fear paralyses and weakens the people, which makes the people easy to control.
Humanity has had the means to destroy ourselves and the world along with us since the dawn of the atomic age, probably even before. So why haven't we? It's fairly common knowledge the developed and developing nations are harming, even in the process of destroying, the planet's ecology; our habitat.
Here's the good news. If we have the power to destroy, we also have the power to create and restore. Think of all the incredible marvels humans have brought into reality. Our ideas first exist in a stream of consciousness. It takes just one person to tap into that consciousness, take hold of an idea and then take action to bring forth the idea into existence. Just the very thought we can restore our planet's ecology already creates the possibility of this being so.
Further into the day I did a yoga practice, which was very rewarding. Upon beginning my practice, I felt very heavy. Upon completing my practice, I felt very light/uplifted. Yet a short while later I stumbled upon a friend's concerning post about his recent trip to the Washington coast. A more elaborate version exists on his blog, which is entitled 'This Beach Looks Fuk'd:' http://toweringcrane.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/this-beach-looks-fukd/
The images are telling and disturbing. In his social media post, Richard relayed his discovery and put a call out for a Geiger counter. He received nearly 50 responses, including my offer to lend him mine. He phoned tonight, is coming by to pick it up this week. He'll then head back to the coast to take some readings, especially around this pink/purple slime he encountered along with the numerous aquatic carcases.
Richard is a recent cancer survivor. His query into Fukushima radiation washing ashore isn't about being alarmist. Most of us are well aware there's a lot of misinformation about this and likely a greater lack of information our governments are consciously withholding from us. Having the health challenges he's overcome, Richard is naturally very sensitive about these subjects. From my own experience I can very much relate to and appreciate this.
Elevated radiation is a fact of life since we first learned to split atoms. We've been living in a world with radiation for decades now. So some low level radiation may not be harmful. Thus getting more information is a matter of understanding our reality as it actually exists. Maybe there are measures we can take to mitigate risk and exposure. Ignorance isn't always bliss, though I'm pretty sure it mostly is (smiling).
During our conversation I relayed to Richard my recent toxicology screen, which revealed I have an elevated level of cesium. He asked which one, and I'm pretty sure it was either 137 or 134. He wants a copy of the report, which I should be able to get him in the coming week. Depending on what he finds at the coast, he may put together a short film about this.
From our conversation I gathered Richard and I have a similar mindset. We're both truth seekers, and the truth we seek is merely to be aware of what's going on in our world. We care. We give a shit. We want to help. He put it this way in one of his social media comments in response to his post about his coastal findings:
"... what we can do is stop buying into this paradigm of thinking which says the people governing our planet really have our best interests at heart, and that there might be other options for doing business on planet earth. Events like this will hopefully help people realize we need to stop giving them power - the amounts of radiation aren't important. What's important is no longer accepting a status quo that could kill us all eventually," wrote Richard, adding ...
"I think the bigger problem is us on a spiritual and moral level - letting big business dictate our mental, social, and ecological health. It puts us in these unnecessary crises (sorry, don't know the plural for crisis). I had cancer - and what fixed it was acknowledging the serious of it and then doing EVERYTHING IT TOOK TO FIX IT. That's something I don't see happening with Fukushima, and that's why I do think its a problem. Are there some doomsday scenarios? Sure. Everyday is doomsday these days. But there also opportunities to change. The chinese word for crises is 'Dangerous Opportunity.' That's what we have here I'm afraid."
For some time I've been pondering how I can contribute to a healthier world. Perhaps my way of contributing has been right in front of me for quite some time. I'm inspired by virtuous purpose. We'll see where the road leads ...
Are we Fuk'd? Possibly. Are we fucked? As long as humanity maintains sensibility, optimism and takes action from the heart, the possibility of a healthy future absolutely exists.
As I reflect on the Heavenly Stream, and think on ways I can support my treatment, eureka! I love sharing stories through the written word. More to follow soon.
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