Last night I dreamed I was in Mexico. It was one of those vague dreams. I don't recall a point to it necessarily. At some point I toured an Aztecesque pyramid, which was a modern day homage to entertainment. From the outside it looked like an ancient monument. Yet each level had different exhibits and rides sponsored by various entertainment companies. The pyramid even had hotel style rooms one could rent, though the interior finishing leaned toward rustic. In fact the room I toured was a little odd to me as it had two bath tubs, one of which was adjacent to the open kitchenette.
I recall being there with my mom, and the person who once had claimed to be my dad, now long estranged, inquired why she got to be there with me.
During another part of my dream, I was pedestrian in a busy open market area, weaving around auto and other foot traffic. The streets were brick paved. The architecture appeared to be was somewhat Caribbean colonial with soft pastel colors. For some reason I don't recall, I felt like I was in a hurry to get through the market, which was a labyrinth of shop spaces, many of which required having to pass through one to get to another (like a crazy Ikea). I paused in one shop to admire the wares. It looked like a crystal shop. The object I picked up appeared to be a cross between a snow globe and a crystal statue. When the "snow" was settled, a creature appeared. When the object was moved in any way, the snow would disburse in a swirl and the creature would change stance or disappear altogether. It was quite strange and felt like it had a mystical quality about it.
Upon examining the object, I was greeted by an older, white-haired man who was the shopkeeper. He was kind of Gandalfesque, kind and joyful. That's about all I remember ...
Interpretations
Foreign Land: To dream you are in a foreign land represents change in your life. Consider how you feel about the surrounding. If you are excited or happy in this unknown place, it suggests you are ready for change.
Pyramid: To dream of pyramids denotes many changes will come to you, possibly in a short amount of time. It is a symbol of longevity, stability and a firm foundation. Considered to be a focus for power, if a pyramid appears in a dream, it shows we are concentrating on the inherent power within us. If you scale them, you will journey along before you find the gratification of desires. Spiritually, the pyramid is a symbol of integration of the Self and the Soul. In dreams it can represent death and also indicates rebirth. It is a guardian of power. The pyramid always signifies a wider awareness of power and energy. There is a point inside the pyramid where all the planes intersect. This will regenerate any matter that is placed there. For instance razor blades will become sharp again. In a larger pyramid, that particular spot can be used for enhancing mystical experiences. To enter a pyramid is to be searching for the meaning of life. A pyramid is a very powerful image. On a physical level it is a building of wonder. On a mental level it is a structure of regeneration. It will depend on our level of awareness as to which interpretation is valid.
Market: To dream you are in a market denotes thrift and much activity in all occupations. This also may represent some emotional or physical need you are currently lacking in your life. You could be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items you are shopping for. A marketplace can be viewed as a place of spiritual exchange in dreams. We can establish a balance between our everyday reality and our spiritual or inner world. A market is a bustling, happy place. To dream of one may indicate that we may need to look after ourselves more and to spend time with more people. Dreaming we are in a market indicates our ability to cope with everyday life, of being able to relate to people and particularly to relate to crowds. It is also the place of buying and selling, therefore often gives us some sort of indication as to how we value our various attributes, whether we have something to sell or are buying.
Street: To see a street in your dream symbolizes your life's path. The condition of the street reflects how much control you have over the direction of your life. If the street is well-paved and easy to progress on, you are in control of your own destiny. If you dreamed about alleys or side streets, it suggests you need to be less rebellious or adventurous for now and return to more traditional ways.
Crystal: To see crystal in your dream signifies wholeness, purity, healing, development and unity. It represents your higher Self. The dream may be a metaphor for something in your life that is crystallizing or taking shape. To dream you are looking into a crystal represents how you are looking within yourself to find your true destiny. Alternatively, it indicates your outlook of the future.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Groundhog Day
I had my first biofeedback session this week on Groundhog Day. They connected me to various sensors which plugged into an application to monitor my body's stress responses. I felt as humorously awkward as I appeared in the associated image posted here.
So where are we at this week in life. Oh, yes, we still have yet to close on the purchase of my mom's home, which
was originally slated to close the first week of January. She and her "partner" Al are
still living with my husband and I. They are likely still feeling
homeless. We're still feeling like our 2,800 square foot home is now tiny.
We are on a merry-go-round with our lender. They ask for documents. We give them documents. They ask for same documents a different way. We give them same documents a different way. They tell us we will have an answer by the end of a certain day. The day comes and goes. They tell us we'll surely have an answer by the end of that next day. The day comes and goes. They tell us we need to do something else. We do it right away. Then they tell us we have to wait a little longer. I imagine it feels much like we are blindfolded and being asked to aim an arrow at and hit a bullseye on a moving target.
Last night I had a dream about being in a zombie apocalypse in California. Hmmm ...
Today my mom's best friend Sally, who was like another mom to me growing up, went in for double lung transplant surgery. She has a rare lung hardening disease, and was given five years to live. That was seven years ago. If the transplant takes, she may have many good years ahead. If that does not occur, well it would be her time to transition. Sally has been in since sometime around midday. We just received an update the left lung is in and she is doing well. They're now prepping her for her right lung and it will be another two to three hours in the OR. Wow.
One thing is certain, as the days tick by we continue to have a lingering sense of uncertainty. Such is life I suppose, the only certainty being that of change.
As a whole I feel I'm coping better with anxiety, which is understandably present given current circumstances. With regard to my mom's home deal, so many variables that are somewhat out of our hands. The most obvious being underwriting. Also, my husband decided he wanted to change jobs because he hates what he's doing. Job changes can be a challenging proposition in the midst of getting final loan approval. Despite my pleading with him to withhold notice until we closed, he blabbed to his boss. Then he asked if he could stay on until we closed. We thought this would be just a few more days. So far it has been a couple weeks, and seemingly continuing to move at a snail pace.
Then there's the repair situation. The appraiser called a couple things that we had initially been informed we could do an escrow holdback for. Then late last week they changed their minds on one of them. The property is bank owned, and sold as is where is. As buyers we're prohibited from making repairs to the property prior to closing unless through an escrow hold back. So somehow this needed to get done and somehow mysteriously that occurred this week.
Even if and when we do close, mom and Al still have a couple weeks of work to do to get the property in move-in condition. Then there's the moving in piece, for which I will refer movers for them to hire. Then there's whether they'll be able to sustain themselves financially. With Al's IRS garnishment they barely scrape by. Yet another thing that has been moving at a snail pace. My mom got him to finally go into the IRS office several months ago. Since then they have only in the past week or so starting going through his 2004-2007 files. They have not set a date to meet with counsel, even for an initial free consult. I have to be honest here, and I know she's my mom, and I know she's battling stage four lung cancer ... If they continue to make poor choices, they are choosing to be poor and that's their choice. Unless they go through the actual process of exhausting all their resources, which they are still very far from doing, I have nothing to offer them except a roof over their heads and food on the table in the meantime. Once they are under their own roof, they have to figure out a way to make it work or experience the consequences of their inaction.
I'm just now getting back up on top of things work wise. Being a business owner means I don't just collect a check for sitting at a desk and breathing. I have to create the systems to support my actions. Then I have to take the action to bring in the business. Then I have to serve the business such that the business writes me a check. Then I have to keep up on all the aforementioned simultaneously while engaged in the aforementioned. It's quite a cycle. I'm learning how to manage it better for myself, and that is a painful process.
And this brings us back to the theme of this post, Groundhog Day. Remember that flick with Bill Murray back in the 90s was it? The premise of that movie is quite analogous to what life is feeling like during this phase. It's like starting over again every day and working hard to make each day as good as it can be. Some days are just a mess. Other days feel good. Then there are those days that feel messy with good things happening throughout. Overall I am feeling pretty run down today. I feel like I've lost a sense of sanctuary in my own home. I had a hard time today figuring out how to unwind, at home, in my own space. Hence logging in and writing this post.
Keeping things in perspective is challenging. Yet I am truly grateful my mom is doing as well as she is. And she is doing very well. I am grateful my husband is being so attentive and kind to my mom and Al. I am glad my mom has Al as a close companion. I'm pleased with the progress I'm making at work. I'm just feeling I would appreciate a break from my household, some me time to just lounge around and do whatever I wanted or absolutely nothing at all.
Each day I've been waking up and reading a list of 33 or so affirmations. The one that really stands out in my mind is, "thought these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life." I am looking forward to that really long phase of enjoyable times. I know I am cause in the matter of this. Time to pull myself up by the bootstraps for a coloring frenzy or perhaps a peaceful meditation or siesta.
 |
| Groundhog Day 2014 @ Bastyr Center for Natural Health's Team Care. |
We are on a merry-go-round with our lender. They ask for documents. We give them documents. They ask for same documents a different way. We give them same documents a different way. They tell us we will have an answer by the end of a certain day. The day comes and goes. They tell us we'll surely have an answer by the end of that next day. The day comes and goes. They tell us we need to do something else. We do it right away. Then they tell us we have to wait a little longer. I imagine it feels much like we are blindfolded and being asked to aim an arrow at and hit a bullseye on a moving target.
Last night I had a dream about being in a zombie apocalypse in California. Hmmm ...
Today my mom's best friend Sally, who was like another mom to me growing up, went in for double lung transplant surgery. She has a rare lung hardening disease, and was given five years to live. That was seven years ago. If the transplant takes, she may have many good years ahead. If that does not occur, well it would be her time to transition. Sally has been in since sometime around midday. We just received an update the left lung is in and she is doing well. They're now prepping her for her right lung and it will be another two to three hours in the OR. Wow.
One thing is certain, as the days tick by we continue to have a lingering sense of uncertainty. Such is life I suppose, the only certainty being that of change.
As a whole I feel I'm coping better with anxiety, which is understandably present given current circumstances. With regard to my mom's home deal, so many variables that are somewhat out of our hands. The most obvious being underwriting. Also, my husband decided he wanted to change jobs because he hates what he's doing. Job changes can be a challenging proposition in the midst of getting final loan approval. Despite my pleading with him to withhold notice until we closed, he blabbed to his boss. Then he asked if he could stay on until we closed. We thought this would be just a few more days. So far it has been a couple weeks, and seemingly continuing to move at a snail pace.
Then there's the repair situation. The appraiser called a couple things that we had initially been informed we could do an escrow holdback for. Then late last week they changed their minds on one of them. The property is bank owned, and sold as is where is. As buyers we're prohibited from making repairs to the property prior to closing unless through an escrow hold back. So somehow this needed to get done and somehow mysteriously that occurred this week.
Even if and when we do close, mom and Al still have a couple weeks of work to do to get the property in move-in condition. Then there's the moving in piece, for which I will refer movers for them to hire. Then there's whether they'll be able to sustain themselves financially. With Al's IRS garnishment they barely scrape by. Yet another thing that has been moving at a snail pace. My mom got him to finally go into the IRS office several months ago. Since then they have only in the past week or so starting going through his 2004-2007 files. They have not set a date to meet with counsel, even for an initial free consult. I have to be honest here, and I know she's my mom, and I know she's battling stage four lung cancer ... If they continue to make poor choices, they are choosing to be poor and that's their choice. Unless they go through the actual process of exhausting all their resources, which they are still very far from doing, I have nothing to offer them except a roof over their heads and food on the table in the meantime. Once they are under their own roof, they have to figure out a way to make it work or experience the consequences of their inaction.
I'm just now getting back up on top of things work wise. Being a business owner means I don't just collect a check for sitting at a desk and breathing. I have to create the systems to support my actions. Then I have to take the action to bring in the business. Then I have to serve the business such that the business writes me a check. Then I have to keep up on all the aforementioned simultaneously while engaged in the aforementioned. It's quite a cycle. I'm learning how to manage it better for myself, and that is a painful process.
And this brings us back to the theme of this post, Groundhog Day. Remember that flick with Bill Murray back in the 90s was it? The premise of that movie is quite analogous to what life is feeling like during this phase. It's like starting over again every day and working hard to make each day as good as it can be. Some days are just a mess. Other days feel good. Then there are those days that feel messy with good things happening throughout. Overall I am feeling pretty run down today. I feel like I've lost a sense of sanctuary in my own home. I had a hard time today figuring out how to unwind, at home, in my own space. Hence logging in and writing this post.
Keeping things in perspective is challenging. Yet I am truly grateful my mom is doing as well as she is. And she is doing very well. I am grateful my husband is being so attentive and kind to my mom and Al. I am glad my mom has Al as a close companion. I'm pleased with the progress I'm making at work. I'm just feeling I would appreciate a break from my household, some me time to just lounge around and do whatever I wanted or absolutely nothing at all.
Each day I've been waking up and reading a list of 33 or so affirmations. The one that really stands out in my mind is, "thought these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life." I am looking forward to that really long phase of enjoyable times. I know I am cause in the matter of this. Time to pull myself up by the bootstraps for a coloring frenzy or perhaps a peaceful meditation or siesta.
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