Spring Snow

This has been a wonderfully enchanted season, marked by the rare falling of spring snow. The rest of the world feels a cold chill, and all I feel is my warmly beating heart. What a delightfully chilly time to be in loving companionship.

Fate has brought into my life a wonderful individual with whom I've shared much laughter and joy. I suppose it's also rare to immediately hit it off with someone new right off the bat. Even more so to want to see one another three nights in a row. No, make that four including last night and five if we rendezvous again tonight, which is in the cards. It's rare to feel such an awesome physical and emotional connection and have so many things to say and in some ways don't need to say anything at all ...

Snow may continue to fall this spring, and the day may yet bring us together again tomorrow. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ...

Change Incarnate

Change revealed itself to me incarnate just before 6:00 p.m. on Tuesday. Along my pedestrian stroll to an evening meeting, I witnessed a small crowd of rag-tag bystanders witnessing the same manifestation, capturing these fleeting moments with their digital cameras and video recorders.

Across the street, three industrial size backhoes were putting the final touches on ripping down decades worth of history on half of a city block. The giant yellow robots rumbled back and forth over the rubble, which was being dampened with fire hoses to keep the dust down.

Splinters of two-by-fours, piles of crumbled brick and concrete were all that remained of a woebegone era once represented by a row of buildings. These old commercial spaces were once home to many human activities: drinking, dining, outfitting and living to name a few.

As I walked up closer to the scene, the air was permeated with the smell of dankness; old moist dust, musty. The smell was cold and unwelcoming, hopefully not a sign of what's to come.

Later in the week I received a note from an old grade school friend, alerting me that my high school is being bulldozed this summer to make way for a brand new set of campus buildings. One degree of separation is that my close friend Max's company is the architectural firm designing the new school.

Max and I got together a couple times this past week, and I broached this topic with him. He said, "If it's any consolation, we're doing a similar project at my old high school in Medford." Well, I suppose it is much more comforting to broach change with someone who can also relate to it. After all, change is the one true constant in this life ...

Acronym Finder

OMGYG! There's actually a website for looking up acronyms: http://www.acronymfinder.com/. Who knew ...

This post is in follow up to my January Modern Acronyms post. You know, acronyms beg the questions, have we really become that lazy or have we come to expect lightning speed/efficiency of ourselves in this instant gratification contemporary world of ours? Perhaps both ...

Top Ten Messages Left On Eliot Spitzer's Answering Machine

10) Hey, what's new?
9) It's Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running mate? Nevermind.
8) Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I'm not the only politician who has to pay for it.
7) I'm calling from the 'New York Post.' Would you rather be known as 'Disgraced Gov Perv' or 'Humiliated Whore Fiend?'
6) This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once got caught having sex with Lincoln's wife.
5) It's Dr. Phil, call me if you need any horse**** advice.
4) This is Senator Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?
3) It's Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way.
2) Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free.
1) It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I'm no longer America's creepiest governor.

Juxtaposition

<---Yesterday (Highway 200 in San Francisco, Nayarit, Mexico)

Today--->
(State Route 202 in rural East King County, Washington, USA)

Yesterday was sunny, warm and worry free.

Today was rainy, cold and I had more than plenty to do.

Mex. highway 200 is a highway I've never driven on. In fact, I've never even driven in Mexico, and this past trip I finally found a regular driver, Salvador.

SR 202 was the road I learned how to drive on. In fact, business was the reason I drove on it yet again today.

Yesterday was a gift, and thankfully so is today. As luck would have it, Mother Nature gave me one direct wink of sun today. I just snapped a photo of it a little while ago (as if it were some rare occurence here in Seattle - well sometimes it is!).

This was the one glimpse of sun bestowed upon me today. I consider it a gift from the Gods to help me adjust to the often shady Northwestern skies. Well, I suppose that's why I keep a home South of the boarder. Viva Mexico!!!

Casita Brisa del Mar

In just a few short hours I depart for my tranquil home on the Mexican Riviera, a long overdue reprieve. It's no wonder I leave town so seldom. Today I pushed paperwork for a solid 12 hours in anticipation of being out for a week, all the while unclear when I would receive a phone call in the late afternoon from an overseas client in Hong Kong. Call and contract procured, a great way to begin a vacation.

Ah, but tomorrow afternoon I'll walk into my beautiful home, set down my bags, freshen up a bit and then sit on the beach with one of my best friends in the universe watching the sun melt into the Pacific while enjoying an ice cold Pacifico with lime. Mmmm ... I could think of nothing more fulfilling or rewarding.

The beach life beckons ...

Another spectacular sunset at the beach in San Francisco (San Pancho as the locals lovingly call it), Mexico on the evening of our arrival. (Heavy sigh ...)

Personal Growth & Evolution II

So, I got to thinking some more about whether I was really sorry I conducted myself in the manner I did the other evening with that individual who treaded on my feelings by being duplicitous with me. That this person was so careless with my trust and feelings, despite having proclaimed romantic interest in me, I was floored. I suppose if I didn't care I wouldn't have reacted so passionately. I'm actually not sorry for how I conducted myself. One can't help how one naturally feels or used to feel.

Well, I got my opportunity to apologize. In hindsight, for what? Foremost this individual was nearly 40 minutes late for our lunch today. Beyond inappropriate. Clearly he's not the least bit concerned about where he stands with me, despite having been very clear he has a lot of work to do to earn my trust and respect. He could give a shit. When someone or something is top of mind, it's effortless. He claims to be successful in business yet used being ditsy as an excuse for rude behavior. Apparently he also thinks I'm stupid.

A friend of his who I once dated (thankfully for just a brief time) told me about an ex of his and her constant testing of boundaries, using unconditional love as a way to excuse herself from unacceptable behavior. It's not loving to treat others poorly just to see how far you can push their boundaries, personal limits, etc. Love begets love, though a few people have a gift for being able to give love unconditionally.

Upon revisiting the subject of his dishonesty, he attempted to once again invalidate my feelings, accusing me of reacting too strongly as well as feeling justified for being deceitful. He said he didn't make me feel any certain way, his actions did. Apparently he's not actually in control of his own actions. In fact, he more than alluded to others having mandated his actions. So I guess he can just point the finger at those people despite having allowed them to do his thinking for him. Perhaps if he knew what it was like to take ownership, have feelings, be a sensitive and compassionate human being, then he would be remiss for making such statements. Again, I'm having a hard time mustering respect for this individual.

While we as people should always offer love, acceptance and forgiveness, I think it is also reasonable as well as important to be true to one's self and maintain healthy boundaries. This individual also negates me by saying I have extremely high expectations of myself and therefore also of others. If expecting trust, honesty, integrity, respect, compassion and kindness is expecting too much of others, than do we just allow people to trample all over us? In this case it would appear the expectation is for me to conform to his way of thinking and abandon my value system. Sorry, but the minimum expectation is trust, honesty, integrity, etc. ... If that's asking too much, then there's little hope for humanity.

To rise above it all, let me just say I find it more than challenging to engage with people who insist on always being right. These kinds of people aren't big enough to take ownership of and responsibility for themselves and their own actions. Or to engage with people who aren't sympathetic and compassionate of others. Or to engage with people who exhibit a lack of respect and decency. This is sociopathic behavior, and while I see the good in all people, I fear this friendship would be very unhealthy at best. It takes a big person to own their shit. It doesn't feel good to own up to being dishonest with another person and injuring their feelings. If a person's unskilled actions warranted a little mud in the eye, then this pain is appropriate.

If this individual valued me so much, and I surround myself with many loving people who do (so I certainly understand the difference), then he would step up and be a gentleman. Why does he so carelessly and recklessly waste my time and energy? Guess it's all just fun and games for him. I hope he understands he's just playing games with himself until he can be a bigger person.

Personal Growth & Evolution

Went on a little mountain biking excursion today in Snoqualmie with a couple of friends, one of whom I've a 19 year history with. The night before I connected with another friend of mine who I have more than a 20 year history with. There's something to be said about people who are capable of maintaining quality, long term relationships and there's something equally admirable about doing physical activity in the outdoors that really arouses the body, mind and spirit.

As I was feverishly pedaling up Snoqualmie Ridge, I got to thinking about my blog. I know, strange thing to ponder when one is pushing their physical limits. At any rate, I got to thinking more about the purpose of my blog. Based on a subsequent conversation I had with my BFF Grace, an incredible sounding board, I think this forum is more or less a medium by which I can monitor my own personal growth and development.

It's interesting how much one learns about one's self when one takes note over a period of time. What I've learned is that I've at times taken sheer pleasure in other humans' mistakes by pointing them out and making light of them. That's actually not very constructive nor the person I know myself to be.

To my core I am loving, supportive, kind, understanding, optimistic and very honest (sometimes brutally). What can I say other than I've recently experienced a couple rough years. That's no excuse. One's past doesn't dictate one's present, and one's present certainly doesn't dictate one's future.

My dear Grace has a friend who is a priest. I can't resist, I have to share this man's real name: Tom Collins. I find it ironic for a priest to share the same name as a popular cocktail. Not that priests don't drink because they certainly do. Maybe it's the question of how one can drink and still honor their vow of celibacy. Don't think I could be that person ... Anyway, I digress.

Father Tom had a recent conversation with Grace about what we humans need most in our lives. You may be surprised by these three very simple notions: love, acceptance and forgiveness.

After having heard this, I felt the need to come clean about a few things so that I may foremost love, forgive and accept my own behavior and secondly do the same for others.

Recently, I came down pretty hard on someone I care about after discovering he behaved in a dishonest manner. It's challenging to be loving toward someone when their actions trample over your feelings. Despite the circumstances, I didn't rise to the occasion to meet this challenge in the way I would have been most proud of.

While I feel justified having called a spade a spade regarding this individual's duplicitous actions, my resentment made it difficult for me to be as loving as I would have liked to have been. I'm looking for a good opportunity to apologize to this individual for the way I conducted myself. While I don't condone someone making me into someone I'm absolutely not with no reasonable basis to do so, I understand this individual's motivations. I forgive his unskilled behavior and hope he too will be able to grow from our mutual experience.

Personal growth and evolution is a process. Acknowledging one's own weaknesses is the first step in being able to take effective action to bring about positive changes.

I'm going to do some more thinking about this blog. When I take a step back for a bird's eye view of all my content posts, and connect that to others' perceptions of me, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if others are as quick to place judgment upon me as I have been in expressing judgment of others in some of my posts. It's not my place, nor is it anyone else's ...