A Facetime Between Two Villages

So my BFF and I talk just about everyday. It's so incredible to have a friend like that. Someone you can just be yourself with, be at ease around and talk with about whatever is on your mind. Truly one of my life's most treasured gifts.

We've not been able to converse this week as she's been entertaining her folks at my holiday home in Mexico. This is a magical place I myself haven't been to since falling chronically ill in early November 2012.

The rain is falling hard here, the ground looks like mud, in fact this has been the wettest March on record since such measures have been recorded. Juxtaposed to cool, spring downpours, my BFF is enjoying hot, sunny, summer-like days on the Mexican Riviera.

BFF's hat confirms ground transport on the phone with my property manager in the living room of my Mexico home with me pictured top right because we're Facetiming. Silly, aren't we.

Whenever BFF finds herself in a sunny part of the world, she breaks out a fabulously enormous hat and large, black Jackie-O sunglasses. Before we disconnect I let her know how much I enjoyed speaking with her hat, sunglasses and hoops (earrings). She tells me they're her pool hoops. I remark they bear a striking resemblance to her work hoops and to her airplane hoops. She tells me to fuck off.

While we conversed, I could hear tropical birds cawing, a rooster crowing and a dog barking. There's just something about these particular sounds in concert that are other worldly to me in such a beautiful way.

The seaside Mexican village my vacation home is in is so different from the seaside American village my home is in. Here's a comparison:
Both are on the coast, surrounded by mountains rich in flora. That's about where the comparisons end. Otherwise the place I call home and the place I call my home away from home couldn't be more different.
San Pancho has small lots, half the population and is south of the Tropic of Cancer.
Normandy Park has large lots, twice the population and is north of the line between the Equator and North Pole.

Perhaps because it is so different than what I'm familiar with is why I love San Pancho so. The people are so warm and friendly. There's a peaceful calmness to the place I've only known there.

I've been reluctant to return since that's where I first became really ill and have been recovering for the past year and a half since. I feel I will be ready to return in the fall. I long to be in my poquita casita. For the longest time I've dreamed of being there in the low, rainy season, camped out at a desk writing my heart out.

Losing That Loving Feeling

The house is quiet, except for a faint hum from the refrigerator. A soft light fills my living room from the ceiling to nearly the floor bank of picture windows. It's dusk on a beautiful spring Sunday in Seattle. I have work I could be doing, instead I'm savoring this peaceful hour when I have no one to answer to and I can contemplate in blissful solitude. For me, right now, this is the calm after the storm.

Last week was anything but smooth sailing. Had it not been for a couple phone calls, my work/life balance would have merely been tipped toward tense. Spring begins the high season for real estate. Last year business seemed to come much easier and in greater abundance. This year is getting off to a slower start. That and I find myself dreading this tax season, which I was heads down in prep for during the past couple weeks. I met my CPA's Friday deadline, so that weight is partially lifted and will be fully once my tax bill is paid in full. Then onto completing my clock hours for my upcoming licensing renewal. I also have some business to attend to on my Mexico home (including an expense audit). And did I mention I turn 40 in a few weeks?

My mom called me Wednesday afternoon. Do you ever get a feeling when you pick up the phone that the person on the other end needs something from you? I've gotten that feeling a few times from my mom. She's my mom, of course I want to help her.

The last time I got that feeling from my mom, she and her "partner" Al were planning a trip out for Al's grandson's wedding. My mom works full time at a job she doesn't like. Al frequents "the oval" where he commiserates with his pals, drinks and places bets. They both identify politically as Republicans, and aside from my mom's supplemental minimum wage job, they both rely solely on Social Security and Medicare.

My mom met Al through her best friends by happenstance. When they caught wind she began thinking of him romantically, they both did all they could to convince her otherwise. Tell a child they can't have something and what happens? They want it that much more. The same principle can be applied to my mom.

When my mom's last and only husband divorced her, and in this case divorce equated to emotional and financial ruin, she suffered deeply. Much of her life she was taken care of and she did an incredible job of caring for others. So when she sits at the concierge desk at the Coeur d'Alene resort, forced to be polite when even the most arrogant and unpleasant of "humans" barks questions at her, she finds herself feeling cheated by life or in some way defeated by it.

So the last time she called needing something, it was because she was handling all the details related to her and Al's trip out for his grandson's wedding. Since he has driven her car into the ground, and it's nearly 20 years old anyway, she had to rent a car to make the five hour trip in. Since they were going to need a place to stay, she checked with me instead of checking with Al's family (of course my mom is always welcome). Since they were going to be an hour south of my place the night of the wedding, she had to book a hotel room. I'm not sure if I made it clear enough earlier. They don't really have any extra money laying around. I'm sure if they did Al would mindlessly waste it at "the oval" or probably just misplace it altogether.

When she needed something that last time, I sent her a hundred and fifty dollars. It wasn't much. The first full day they were in town, my mom asked me to help Al with directions to Emerald Downs, our local horse racing track. I asked my mom why he needed to go there. She told me he just wanted to look at it. I asked no further questions and printed the old guy directions.

The next day my fiance (we were still a few weeks away from becoming husbands) informs me Al lost some money at the track. Al apparently mentioned "it was a bad day at the office." I had prepared breakfast for them prior to them leaving for the wedding. I asked Al how his trip was to Emerald Downs. He said he lost a little. I asked him how much. He said $20. So I turned to my mom and asked her why she lied to me. Of course she became completely defensive and was trying to do everything she could to turn things around on me. I asked her if I should have given her less money to compensate for the extra cash Al had laying around. She says she's never going to ask me for anything ever again. Oh, it's the old I don't want your help because you called me out on my bad behavior. Real mature.

I attempted to reason with my mom, explaining it's not about the money. It's about the principle of the matter. If you don't have money to spend, don't blow it on gas and mileage to place bets. If someone asks you a simple question, give them a straight forward answer. She knew if she had told me why he was planning to go to Emerald Downs, I would have done whatever I could to deter him. My mom otherwise would have had no reason to be duplicitous or less than honest with me. I want to say we eventually got beyond this. Then there was Wednesday.

My mom calls me in the middle of the afternoon. I think we had been in touch just a couple days prior. Our communication has become spotty and infrequent. This is mostly because she has told me she's unhappy, and she doesn't want to bring me down.

Financially, my mom could have been better prepared for retirement. Her ex husband bought her a nice home in a very desirable, affluent area. He bought her a new car. The court awarded her at least 25 percent of his investment portfolio, retirement savings, a good portion of his pension in addition to about $70k annually in spousal maintenance annually (which lasted for 10 years). Plus she was making about two and a half to three times minimum wage.

A few years later she gets involved with the bum. She rents her home for a while and then decides to sell it. She made about $50k from the sale. If she would have held it and continued renting, she would be making nearly $1k per month from it today and have nearly another $200k in equity. Not sure what she did with the proceeds of the sale. Al played day trader with my mom's stock/retirement accounts. They are completely gone.

My mom's ex husband sold their investment property in California. She pocketed at least $100k from the sale. She put a little bit of it down on the home she's in now. I don't know what happened to the rest of the money.

We refinanced her home the summer after my grandma died. Her housing payment dropped to about $500 per month. She cannot rent anything comparable for much less than twice that amount. Al is trying to get her to sell so they can use the maybe $35k in equity she has in it.

On Wednesday she asked for my help. Their car broke. The master cylinder needed to be replaced. All their fluids were dirty. The car needed an oil service and the front axle brakes needed to be done (inclusive of pads, rotors and calipers). I don't know too much about the master cylinder. I do know you don't typically need to replace rotors and calipers if the pads are properly maintenanced. I digress ...

The car was being looked at and they didn't have an estimate for the repairs as of the time she called asking for help. How would they know if they needed help if they weren't sure how much the repairs were going to be?

Since I don't have the trust I once did for my mom, I told her we needed to first find out about the repairs, whether it would even make sense to put any money into her car. She has a '95 Explorer, which is worth a little more than $1,000. I also offered that I would pay the shop direct.

A while later they call back. She puts Al on the phone to explain things to me. I enjoy talking with him as much as I enjoy nails scraping across the surface of a chalkboard. They sound nearly the same, only the chalkboard resonates with more intelligence. Al tells me the brakes are going to be about $900 and the master cylinder, fluids and oil service will run another $300. I advised him to get a detail of the repairs and get another opinion, which he said he would do in the morning since the shop was in walking distance.

Having remembered most brake shops charge roughly $500 per axle, I thought I'd call a shop in their town to see if I could get a more reasonable quote on the phone. Apparently I by chance called the same shop where the car was at and got a $447 plus change estimate along with them mentioning they have a 10 percent off coupon circulating in the local paper. I relayed this to Al.

Months ago I sold a car and pocketed half of the proceeds in anticipation my mom would need a more reliable car soon. Giving some more thought to the situation, it's pretty easy to deduct my mom's car, even for the $300 portion of the estimated work, wasn't worth putting another dime into. The other portion of work nearly totals my mom's car. So the better solution is just to put money into buying a car and then selling her car as-is.

She calls me the next morning as I'm navigating traffic and running late to a clock hour class. I also have a client offer to submit during this time as well and I'm cutting it really close to my CPA's tax prep deadline. I didn't sleep well the night before either.

Still, I knew this was important and had to be handled delicately. My mom doesn't perform well in these situations. It's like having to walk on eggshells. First I acknowledged her for what it must have taken for her to reach out for help. I shared with her what I was dealing with, just so she would know while I wanted to do my best for her and Al, I wasn't at my best at the time. I also told her I found myself in a similarly difficult position in needing her help so that I can best assist her, calling out how delicate a topic this seems to be.

I insisted we are family. Because we are family we can and must be open and honest about these things, about everything. I stated it's important they open their books so we can see if there's anywhere we can find ways for them to save (if at all possible). She had shared with me a while back that the IRS was garnishing Al's Social Security. I asked if they had done anything to resolve this because they still hadn't a few months ago. She said they had but it takes a while, and he doesn't know she's shared this with me. I asked whether they had called Al's son Mike. She said they hadn't. I didn't go into it with her. What this tells me is that it all falls on my mom and Al is useless to help.

Then my mom offers that she came across a credit card that has a $300 limit and she gets paid tomorrow. I tell her it is a poor idea to extend herself on credit and pay interest on funds she doesn't have. I share with her that her car isn't worth putting money into and the best thing would be for her to let me buy her a car and bring it out during the weekend. She then wants to know what they're going to do in the meantime. I asked if anyone died while they haven't had a car. She surprisingly says yes, that her four block walk home from work was very cold and Al had to walk back from the shop, which may be an equal distance or less.

OK, so no one died. Great. I then ask her what a cab costs. She tells me $5 to get across town. I do some simple estimating and acknowledge it might cost them $20 to wait another day or two for me to get out there with a more reliable vehicle. Mom seems to be warming up to this idea. Then she wants to put Al on the phone, which she does.

Al tells me he called the shop and spoke with the manager. The manager stuck to the same price quoted for the brake job. I relay to Al what my mom and I discussed. He thanks me for my help and tells me he already gave them the OK to do the smaller portion of the work to get the car back on the road. I then point out they will still have no front brakes, and it's not safe to drive. He says the brakes don't squeak or anything, that it doesn't sound like there's any metal touching. I then attempt to review the bigger picture, that my mom's car isn't worth putting anymore money into. Again, he tells me they gave the go ahead for the work to be done and they appreciate me wanting to help. I tell him he has no reason to thank me, they haven't allowed me to do anything for them and that's OK. I also tell him some people just don't have a head for business. With that he said thanks a lot, buddy, and hangs up on me. Cest la vie.

My mom and I had a couple text exchanges following. She knows I only want what's best for her. She assured me she has made her choices and she's OK with that. I shared that I can't help but feel the distance between us widen. This is mostly due to the fact I love her so much and it's excruciatingly painful to see her suffer. Sure, Al has no problem further extending my mom's credit. Why the desperate need for wheels? He's retired. There's nowhere he has to be.

My mom cleans the house, makes Al's bed, washes his clothes, feeds him, goes to work full time at a job she doesn't much care for. Worst of all she makes choices based around supporting his antiquated, geriatric ego. This dynamic has bled my mom of her ability to retire and/or have any sense of enjoying retirement.

On the one hand, this is what she wants. She has chosen it. Therefore she's not a victim. Does Al take advantage of my mom? Absolutely, I'm certain of it. That's the part I'm concerned with. No, I don't expect Al to change. He can't expect me to change, either. I will not reward bad behavior. Period.

My mom asked for my help. I offered my help. They declined my help. What more can I do?

Cart Racing w/My Ex-In-Laws

Yes, this is as odd as the post heading reads. Last night I dreamed of being with my ex's folks. We were on our way to someone's home or to a house and had to cross through a large shopping center parking lot. It almost looked like the shopping center was abandoned, kind of Walking Dead-esque. The more odd thing was our mode of transportation. We weren't just walking. We were standing on these little scooters, which were almost like small shopping cards. They were kind of a white mesh of metal with red wheels. There were two wheels in the front and one in the back, which turned. I recall going through some large puddle, like part of the lot either had a water feature or had flooded. The water seemed dark, but only because I don't think it was well lit. The scene took place in the day time, but I don't think it was either overcast nor bright and sunny. At some other point in my dream I was in an antique store, and may have even been with my ex. This part is really hazy.

In reality I saw my ex of seven years last Friday. It was his 40th birthday. I deliberately stopped by his home with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. He and our long-time neighbor Rob were just walking back down the side yard on their way back from the chicken run. It had been a while, and it was good to see them both. I embraced RC and then Rob. My presence seemed equally well received, and Rob has always been kind to me. In fact as he headed back home he patted my ass when he walked by, almost in the manner of a coach. RC and I chatted for a bit. He showed me what he's been doing with the garden, that his brother was coming over the weekend to help repair the deck that appeared to be falling down. It was good to see him. I think he is happy. The home looks in need of some tidying up. I think he likes it the way it is, and that's all that matters.

Dream Definitions:

Skates: To see skates denotes discord among your associates.

Shopping Cart: To see or use a shopping cart in your dream indicates you are reaping the rewards and benefits of your hard work. If the shopping cart is empty, then it suggest you are coming up empty in some endeavor or plan.

In-Law: To see your in-law in your dream represents a working relationship which can take many different turns. The dream may also be a pun on being more careful and playing by the rules.

 Ex-Boyfriend: It is very common for people to dream about ex-partners. Individuals that have been an important part of our lives continue to take up a part of our mind and heart. It is impossible to very dramatically shut the person out of thoughts and feelings. Just because the relationship ends does not mean that all is finished. As we go through relationships we learn and at times pick up "battle wounds." You will continue to dream about your ex-boyfriend until you "let go" of them on a very important level, or until you learned your lessons from that relationship. Either way, dreaming about your ex-romance does not predict future involvement. It may be wish-fulfillment, reliving memories or working out old issues.

Parking Lot: To dream you are in a parking lot suggests you need to slow down and take some time to relax from your daily activities. (This is very poignant)

Antique: To dream of antiques represents your time honored values, tradition, wisdom and inherited personal characteristics. It symbolizes something genuine or proven. Some things in your past are worth holding onto or worth keeping.

Three Consecutive Dreams (End of Feb.)

For the past three nights, I've had memorable dreams. All of them a bit unusual. Usually I don't dream every night or consecutively, so I thought this somewhat significant. I can recall the two previous nights' dreams more vividly than the last night's dream, which was very bizarre.

2/26: The dream seemed to have taken place in Austin (or somewhere like it). The main subject was a very large, old world brick apartment high rise which was being converted into condos. An office colleague I know in real life bought a unit in this building, completely gutted and remodeled it. In my dream he was a single dad with two daughters. In real life he's a bachelor. His unit on a higher floor (at least 10 or so stories up) was extraordinarily beautifully lavished open-concept with Romanesque columns and a stone terrace with a water feature. I recall lush greenery either bordering the outside edge of the terrace or surrounding the terrace from outside. I had the sense of daylight when looking out toward the terrace, which is uncommon in my dreams. I was looking at another unit across the hall, which was in such horrible shape I couldn't imagine someone trying to salvage it. As I was exiting the ruin, I was greeted by a woman on my office colleague's team. In real life she is pretty and just an all around lovely person. In my dream she appeared distorted and unclear. While still kind, there was a very bent sense about her I can't quite put into words.

Building: To see a building in your dream represents the self and the body. How high you are in the building indicates a rising level of understanding or awareness. To see a building in ruins or damaged indicates that your approach toward a situation or relationship is all wrong. You need to change. Your own self-image may have suffered and taken some blow.

Brick: Brick in a dream indicates unsettled business and disagreements in love affairs. Alternatively, this represents a person's individual ideas or thoughts. Experience and/or heartbreak may have hardened you.

Red: Red being the color of anger could be a warning to stay cool and keep your temper under control. A deep, blood red is usually a portent of good news to come. It is also the color of passion. Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps one needs to stop and think about one's actions.

Coworker: To see coworkers in your dream highlights aspects of your waking relationship with them, including difficulties/support. It signifies your ambition, struggles and competitive nature.

Girl: To dream of seeing a well, bright-looking girl, foretells pleasing prospects and domestic joys.

2/27: My husband, best friend and I were making dinner inside a beach cottage. The kitchen had white cabinets, which appeared to be somewhat updated. We had plans to further remodel the home. Even though by appearance the kitchen looked reasonably nice and well maintained, all the surfaces were filthy. We were all grossed out by it as we swept up tons of hair and dust. I recall going up to the rooftop deck as I needed to get the spare key. It was inside a panel on the wall of the box which housed the stairs back into the house. I remembered the first two numbers of the lock combo, 24 and 13, and guessed 5 as the last number and it worked. Even though I didn't see the beach or the ocean, I had a sense we were in this type of setting.

Husband: To see your husband in your dream signifies the waking relationship with your husband and the unconscious feelings you have towards him. The dream may be trying to focus on hidden elements that you are not addressing in your waking life.

Best Friend: The best friend can often symbolize your ideal situation or preferred outcome. The dream will be about what is best for you.

Cottage: To see a cottage in your dream represents comfort, peace and serenity. You prefer a quiet life of simplicity. The cottage may also represent an altered sense of reality and thus may be a means of escaping responsibilities and problems that may be associated with your home. You need to approach life's difficulties one at a time.

Coastal: The coast symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind - the rational and the irrational. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor of how you are "coasting" through life. You may need to take things more seriously. (I'm skeptical about the relevance of the latter part of this in relation to my current state of being).

Dirty: If you dream of being in dirty or messy surroundings, it is a positive omen meaning that whatever is worrying you will soon come to an orderly conclusion.

Lock: To dream of a lock denotes bewilderment. If the lock works at your command, or efforts, you will discover that some person is working you injury. If you are in love, you will find means to aid you in overcoming a rival; you will also make a prosperous journey. To see a lock in your dream signifies you inability to get what you want or that you are being kept out of some activity or situation. A lock can suggest either a new spiritual freedom is being offered to us or that the way forward is barred. Our actions are not appropriate. It is very easy to lock away the emotions, supposedly to keep them safe. A lock appearing in a dream may alert us to the fact that we need to free up whatever we have shut away.

Key: To find keys brings domestic peace and brisk turns to business. To see a key in your dreams symbolizes opportunities, access, control, secrets or responsibilities. You may be locking away your own inner feelings and emotions. Or you are close to unlocking the answer to some problem.

Numbers: Numbers in a dream often represent something deeply significant from the dreamer's real life. The numbers could represent a date. Or they may represent the age of a person you know or the time that an important event happened. Try to relate the dream numbers to your real life and see where they match. Alternatively, if you are worried about money in real life, dreams of numbers can be a reflection of this. To see or hear numbers in your dream may also symbolize material gains and possessions.

Twilight: To see twilight in your dream signifies an end to old conditions and situations.

2/28: I was in the Big Easy with a college acquaintance turned successful musician. The person I was with is those things in actuality, although very unlikely someone I would see often if ever in real life. We got stoned, and I think we were drinking because I worried about how consuming alchohol and spoking pot would affect my breathing ability and overall wellness. I remember walking through town. It was possibly supposed to be the French Quarter, it looked more like a 1950's downtown set with classic black building facades that had rows of white bulb lights and neon signs. I remember a basement where we were making music or there was a band. That part is vague as is having a brief run in with Baron Samedi before my dream completely transformed to another place and time.

The next part of my dream put me in what was supposed to be high school campus. It looked more like offices, like Microsoft's main campus in Redmond. The buildings were very minimalist, cube-like structures framed in black steel with walls of glass (some ceilings, too). I attended classes there at my current age of 39. I was reprimanded by a teacher for something I can't quite recall (being late to class or speaking out of turn). So I paid the principal a visit and was given 30 days of suspension, initially. I think somehow I had that overturned.

Next I recall some sort of prom or high school reunion where I saw a bunch of people I recognized from my Issaquah graduating glass of '92. Macklemore was the evening's entertainment. Women wearing a cross between a dress and a gown in various colors. Men wearing mostly black jackets and ties with white shirts. They styling of the venue looked much like the Big Easy scenes from the earlier part of this same dream.

City/Town: To see a city in your dream signifies a sense of community and your social environment. To see a busy town in your dream signifies warmth and your social nature. You get along with others.

Acquaintance: To meet an acquaintance and converse pleasantly with him foretells that your business will run smoothly, and there will be little discord in your domestic affairs. This may also represent aspects of yourself you are still trying to get to know.

Drugged: To take drugs as a source of amusement signifies someone is trying to lead you astray.

Marijuana: To dream you are using marijuana signifies illicit activity or ill health. It can also denote the fact of not being able to think clearly if you dream that you are smoking it, and this could cause you much trouble or stress. As an herb, it has curative powers. For the older generation of dreamers who still think of this as an herb, this is a warning to have your health seen by a professional. (I saw my doctor the day prior to this dream).

Drinking: To dream you are drinking alcohol denotes you are seeking either pleasure or escape.

Grim Reaper (Baron Samedi): To see the grim reaper in your dream signifies the negative, rejected aspects of your personality. It represents aspects of yourself that you have repressed. Alternatively it symbolizes death or the end of something.

High School: To dream of high school foretells ascension to more elevated positions in love as well as social and business affairs. This could also be a sign of a love affair that will be both exciting and disturbing. Another possibility is a reference to bounds and friendships one made while in high school. What spiritual lessons have been learned? This aspect of a dream could be an indication of needed preparation for the real world.

Suspended: To dream you are suspended from school indicates you are feeling disconnected. You may be questioning your identity and who you are. Perhaps you are questioning your future. Alternatively it refers to feelings of guilt and shame from your actions. You need to clear your conscience.

Prom: Proms in dreams represents celebrations, creation, new beginnings for romance and going with what life has to offer you. If you dream you are attending or going to a prom, it represents your attempts to achieve happiness.

Reunion: This signifies you will have cooperation of a kind that will help you to further your ambitions. This may also suggest feelings from the past need to be acknowledged and recognized. Alternatively, it indicates you have incorporated the various aspects/qualities of the people in your dream reunion.

Colors: Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions and vibes.

Musician: Music or a musician in your dream indicates you have the ability to channel. You can communicate with discarnate spirits. If you accept that you are a body with a soul then communication with spirit is not so alien. It is merely one soul communicating with another.