The ironic LGBT equality crusade

About the most ironic thing I've ever been assigned to do was to be on point as a spokesperson for America's largest state/local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) chamber of commerce when the Washington State Supreme Court handed down its 2006 decision on LGBT marriage equality. The court's decision came on the heals of me leaving my partner of seven years. I know, also in question is the cliche around the alleged seven year itch. I can assure you that certainly wasn't the case for me.

The court's majority opinion on marriage equality gave Washington's LGBT citizens the big middle finger, passing the proverbial gay hot potato back over to the state legislature to decide. Um, hello, the legislature has been embroiled with this battle for like the last 30 years, mmmkay. Not to mention, it's the court's duty to overrule any archaic and unconstitutional laws, like the state's Defense of Marriage Act, the state legislature illegally ratified in the first place. Let me share with you Section 12 from the state's constitution. It goes a little something like this:

"No law shall be passed granting to any citizen, class of citizens, or corporation other than municipal, privileges or immunities which upon the same terms shall not equally belong to all citizens, or corporations."

Worse yet, the court's majority opinion asserted protecting procreation as the primary justification for its decision to not overturn DOMA. The legal implications of this ripple far beyond marriage equality into the realm of same gender families and adoption, turning the clock of the LGBT equality movement back 50+ years.

You know, there are some pretty great things about being a gay man. Foremost, gay men don't have to worry about reproductive issues. We don't have to worry about feminine hygiene issues, thank goodness (though many gay men purport to have periods). Best of all, by in large, we generally have a savvy sense of style, home decore and culinary creativity (or mechanical ability if you're a lesbian).

On a serious note, I think most LGBT people have done quite a bit more soul searching than the average person finding themselves in a culture and society that still struggles to accept our kind as full human citizens. Oddly enough, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in the late 1800's corporations have all the same rights as living, breathing American citizens. Really, this is absolutely true. Scary, isn't it. Well, on the other hand, I wonder whether that means one can legally wed another person of the same gender so long as the two individuals incorporate. Hmmm ... some couple ought to try that out sometime. Sounds kinky ...

Interestingly enough, Washington's hetero couples are granted 460-some-odd rights with marriage and nearly three times that number of rights with federal marriage laws. In 2007, Washington's same-gender couples managed to procure 12 of those rights with the passage of the state's domestic partnership law. Oh, and LGBT Washingtonians also became a protected class when we were added to the state's anti-discrimination laws in 2006. In our state it has taken about 30 years for us to get somewhere. Hey, better late than never.

My dear friend Grace said it best, "You know, it's actually quite liberating being gay because you have so many choices being made for you and a lot less to lose." In all seriousness, we still have so much yet to gain. Um, I think we're still short some 1,450 rights our hetero counterparts enjoy taking for granted everyday. My God, hetero Hollywood celebs marry and divorce as if they're passing notes around to one another in junior high, mostly in the name of raising a few eyebrows and headlines. Some celebs only enjoy their full federal and state marraige rights for a few days or even a few hours before getting divorced. Well, I guess they're just rigorously exercising their rights as full human citizens under the law.

So are we gays really setting a poor example of family and American values, juxtaposed to the so-called "moral majority," becuase I'm a bit fuzzy on that as of late. After all, we are only human, or at least most of us are anyway ...

p.s. I don't think any of my dirty tricks would be keen enough to know where to begin to destroy civilization. White, heterosexual males, on the other hand, have created all kinds of ways to destroy civilization: nuclear weapons, mutant viruses, trying to match plaids and stripes, etc.