Forgiveness

Main Entry: for·give
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): for·gave \-ˈgāv\; for·giv·en \-ˈgi-vən\; for·giv·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English forgifan, from for- + gifan to give
Date: before 12th century transitive verb
1 a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b: to grant relief from payment of
2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon intransitive verb: to grant forgiveness

According to Merriam-Webster.com, the word forgive wasn't introduced into the English language until nearly the 12th century. Perhaps our predecessors were unconditionally loving and had no use for the term or perhaps the opposite was true or perhaps there was just another term for this meaning. Could you imagine a world without forgiveness? Perish the thought!

Lately I've been having some run-ins with a few men I've dated this year. Wednesday after yoga I bumped into the gentleman who I had the greatest romantic interest in and connection with since "him."

Things between us started out very strong, we had a wonderful connection. He was charming, easy to talk to, highly intelligent and philosophical. I was falling for him hook, line and sinker as it were. However, things between us didn't end up going so swimmingly. Suffice to say our romance abruptly ended due to what I considered to be a bit of an existential conundrum.

So I was leaving the gym, and as I turned the corner for the home stretch to the exit, there he was, marching in place on an elliptical. We haven't spoken nor seen one another since early March. Therefore this moment where he was moving in place held a bit of poetic irony since I truly believe neither of us had moved beyond our previous transcendental idealistic stalemate, if you will. We were both still firmly rooted in the moment of how things appeared to us which was so completely juxtaposed to one another in addition to being contrary to how each of us felt toward the other person. It's a bit complicated (because we made it so), and I digress ...

Upon first noticing him, I felt a warming in my chest. Of course I was a bit conflicted as I'm sure he was too when I said "hey" to him. I know in my heart of hearts he's a very good human being. His equally brief reaction to me spoke volumes. He reciprocated the short salutation, and out of half politeness and half really wanting to know about him in the present I asked him how he was doing. He simply said, "I'm good," but in a tone that likely contradicted how he was feeling toward me in that moment. Then he asked me how I was. "I'm fine," I replied and continued to make my way toward the door. I had just gotten the first of my two earphones in when he called me back over sternly by name while facing the opposite direction.

I stopped dead in my tracks, turned back around and re-approached. I took some comfort in his discomfort as we were both in the same boat during that moment.

"Do you want your shirt back," he asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's right," I recalled. "Um, yes, that'd be nice."

"What's the best way to get it to you?"

I pondered for a few moments, not exactly sure what would be in either of our best interests "Well, I'm fairly flexible the rest of this week. I could certainly meet you at the Vivace inside your building when it's convenient."

Since he took the initiative to make the gesture, the least I could do is make it easy for him. I know we both suffered as a result of what transpired. Besides, moving forward means letting go and getting beyond the past.

"Do you still have my phone number or email?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm sure I do," I replied.

"I know I'll be busy tomorrow, but Friday is good. So get in touch with me and let me know."

"OK, I'll be in touch," I remarked and then continued on my way.

We agreed to meet up this morning. I took a mid-morning break, arriving at the cafe early to relax and get some more reading time in. Right at 10:30 a.m. on the dot he entered, his presence very pronounced by the nicely laundered red with white stripes button down shirt he carried in on a hanger, sleeves pinned neatly across the front.

I immediately looked up from my book and marked my page. I then set it down on the table and removed my reading glasses, placing them on the cover. He smiled and asked me what I was reading as he scanned the cover, asking whether it was a book about dog racing. I corrected him by explaining that a race car driver is one of the main characters, but the main character/narrator is a dog who is also a philosopher. Altogether he seemed much more disarmed than we likely both were during our initial run in the day before last, and he smiled at my explanation of my book.

He handed me my shirt back, which I immediately removed from the wire hanger and made a few attempts to fold neatly to stow in my bag. We spent the subsequent few minutes making small talk. I could sense a genuine interest on both our parts to really want to check in with the other person. Imagine that, we still genuinely like each other.

We spent the subsequent hour getting on one another's wave length about what occurred. Really, and quite simply, I was really on the market for a straight forward apology. I have to give this man a lot of credit for his bravery. To say the very least, it is quite challenging to face someone who raised hell with you for hurting their feelings. Apparently I reciprocated the pain with an older blog post about the situation. No need to go back there, but he immediately brought to my attention how scathing my blog post was about him. All I can say for myself is my words reflected what I thought of him in that situation at that time.

In the end, I know neither of us intentionally set out to hurt the other person. Given our conversation this morning, it was plainly obvious we do genuinely like and care for each other as the people we are.

Harking back to another earlier blog post, the three things we as people need most in our lives is love, understanding and forgiveness. I strongly subscribe to all three of those ideals, I'm a big fan, huge. Sometimes in life, bad sets of circumstances arise to evoke positive changes. It's how the human spirit champions such obstacles, and more often than not these are obstacles we place before ourselves. Further, the best heroes, the kind we can all relate to more often than not, are those who have the odds stacked against them.

So what next? Only time will tell inevitably. For starters, we acknowledged how much we enjoy one another as people. That's a good place to start. Seems to me we both got jipped during our first go of it. We agreed we'd both like to continue a friendly dialogue as well as to maintain topics relating exclusively to the present. Perhaps there will come a time when we can reflect on our "sordid" past with hearty laughter. Until then, we'll just forgive and let go.

Two people who want to work on a friendship so more deserve to have one than those who just luck out by happenstance. I look forward to a new beginning as friends ...