The Oracle

I'm so grateful last week was rough and got off to such a horrible start. It's amazing how one, small incident can snowball into questions around one's self worth. Long story short on this, I was attempting to schedule a follow up meeting with a prospective new client (who I was highly recommended to by a recent past client).

The prospect sent me a text days after I attempted two follow ups, giving me a general time during the week and a general location that would work. I responded within the hour to narrow/clarify the day, time and place. Still had no response the next day, so I followed up again. They call me at 5:45 PM that evening wondering where I was. In the conversation it becomes clear a text they allege they sent me didn't come through on my end. Regardless, they didn't have confirmation from me. In my rational mind, there's no reasonable way they could have expected me to be there. Even so, I could sense their frustration.

I offered to drop what I was doing to immediately drive to meet them, and forewarned because of the time it was on a weeknight, traffic could put me about 45 minutes out. They said they couldn't wait that long. I asked if we could match up our schedules for another time in the week. They said they needed to check their work schedule and would call me back with a time. Despite a few diligent follow ups on my end, I've yet to hear back. At this point I would be surprised if I did.

My practice, me as a professional, I've always prided myself on putting my clients' needs first. On a personal level, integrity is paramount. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Be honest and forthright. Be one's word. Even so, that doesn't mean others will reciprocate. This vexes me existentially. Really. See what I mean, this mountain of conjecture out of a simple, completely understandable miscommunication.

On Saturday I ventured to consult with my oracle. She's a spiritual counselor. In our sessions we discuss pretty much whatever is on the forefront of my mind. These sessions always begin with the random drawing of what she refers to as dolphin cards. The first represents body, the second mind and the third spirit. These were mine:

December 2012 Visit:
(Body) Entangled
(Mind) Creativity
(Spirit) Synergy

April 2014 Visit:
(Body) Surrender
(Mind) Entering New Dimensions
(Spirit) Gridwork of Light

The December 2012 set seem pretty explanatory. My body was entangled with illness and associated symptoms. Of course I think creatively, I'm a problem solver, so I employed a number of methods to deal with the illness head on. Synergy is a combining of forces, perhaps not unlike the human spirit?

The April 2014 set seem more open to interpretation. The oracle explained this illness is forcing me to slow down, rethink everything and focus on what truly matters (the people I love, how I spend my time, etc.). Even so, it has been agonizing having no definitive answers for my illness (what the root cause is exactly, the best possible treatment course and what to expect during recovery). This has gone on for a year and a half. How much longer will I have to suffer and endure this illness?

Instead of wallowing in what I'm experiencing, the oracle said I must find things to be joyful about and express gratitude for what this experience is teaching me. It's easier said than done, of course. At the same time this makes perfect sense.

The oracle advised me to surrender my body to it. This is far different than giving up. More or less, her best recommendation was to plan for the healing process to continue for quite a while longer. Refrain from feelings around how it's supposed to be or longing for how things were before falling ill. These, after all, are things I've not only thought over and over again about, I also felt these thoughts on a physical level (and not in a good way).

Entering new dimensions she related to my mindfulness practice, encouraging me to continue with it daily. This may also relate to the last card about spirit and gridwork of light. I did a bit of reading and these topics generally have to do with ascension. A woo woo topic indeed, and one in which my knowledge is quite on the surface.

My mindfulness practice urges one to practice with intention, allowing things to be just as they are with no attachment to a particular outcome. I have some experience living life this way. At the same time, I believe the way we humans are hardwired is to expect an outcome and for things to be or look a certain way going from point A to B. Life rarely patterns itself around our expectations, so more often than not we find ourselves frustrated or disappointed. The non-attachment to a particular outcome or how things ought to be just leaves a space to see things as they truly are (for better or worse). Perhaps as things are has no good or bad. Either way, alleviating frustration and disappointment from one's life as much as possible surely must be an elixir to reducing stress and increasing wellness. This is one of the most well known benefits to mindfulness.

Having explained to the oracle my recent work example of a breakdown, she advised me in some manner about things I already know to be true. One such principle is to not curse one's bad luck until they are certain it's not good luck. She then encouraged me to ask myself the following questions:

How do I handle disappointment?
Is this who I want to work with?
How do I handle injustice?
What can I do to make it right?
How can I forgive and release?

I turn 40 this week. This does seem like a milestone. I am here, yet where's here? I have quite a bit to ponder, and I'm grateful (and will be all the wiser) for it!