Prognosis

Just got off the phone with my mom a little bit ago. The oncologist she met with told her her cancer is stage IV and incurable.

Honestly, I'm almost more concerned about what my dear mom is doing to herself right now mentally and emotionally than the impact the cancer is having on her body.

I wish I could be with her now. While she's been working and undergoing various tests this week she didn't want that to interfere with our visit.

I've heard stories of patients overcoming the incurable. I've been reading a book about this, 'Mind Over Medicine.' My mom received the copy I sent her this week.

No matter what I do, I have to remember she is in the driver's seat. I have to be OK with whatever path she takes, and I will be. Right now it's most important to care for her, to love all the time we have left together whether a little or a lot.

I'm a bit numb, admittedly. I'm a problem solver, an optimistic one at that. There's always a solution. Anything is possible.

Sure, my mom and I have our differences. Who cares? I was 10 weeks old before someone held me in their arms and beamed at me with pure love. That's who she is for me, such an incredible source of love and light. When I'd run errands with her as a kid, people used to ask if we were together. We'd smile at each other then back at the person questioning, and my mom was always so quick to say, "Yes, of course, he's my son!" In those people's defense, we don't really bare much if any resemblance.

One of my favorite stories of this nature. My folks, brother and I were at a community picnic. We had just moved to Virginia, the Old Dominion. I may have been nearly three, so I don't recall this. One of our new neighbors, Norma Kravitts, came over to introduce herself. After nearly making the rounds, she got a puzzled look on her face and in a sincere Southern drawl, she says "Now, where'd he come from?" Despite my brother also having been adopted, he could somewhat pass for being theirs at his young age. By comparison I looked distinctly different.

One of my best friends from college, his dad murdered his mom in cold blood before his very eyes. Yes, this recent diagnosis and prognosis are most unfavorable. I am grateful for the many years I have shared with my mom. I've been feeling distant from her in more recent years. It's unfortunate this cancer is what's bringing us closer during this time.

One can't ever know how long one has. This is further reminder to love each day, enjoy each moment. When we are alive, anything is possible.

I know there will be good days ahead. Except for the concerning news, and my mom really understandably deeply upset, today has actually been a good day. I hope my mom can learn to make her days good as much as possible. I'm eager to be with her next week. She will always have my love ...