Closure

In complete juxtaposition to the event later this same day, I obliged a request for some peace and closure the afternoon before the hoedown to a man, we'll call him Ben, I had been seeing for a couple months at the end of last summer.

For the past several months, he's sent me a few random email forwards. I've considered them an attempt at communicating, but in none of his messages did he make a specific request or state any specific purpose ... until last week.

Since I've known Ben, I quickly discovered he seems to have a hard time simply asking for what he wants. Perhaps he's not entirely sure what that is. Either way, when anyone reaches out with intention and purpose, how could anyone deny that? Not to mention, life rewards action. We ended up meeting for lunch at Cactus in Madison Park to catch up.

The conversation was for the most part light, which was great and appreciated. Just after the bill was taken care of, Ben made an apology. He said he felt badly about how things were handled during and immediately following the break up.

Truth be told Ben and our former, short lived relationship helped me realize I couldn't be with someone who had so many expectations of me in such a short time frame. Nor could I be with a man who lacked compassion, patience and understanding during a time of profound loss in my life. Another story, for another time.

Since then, after a few other "dating" experiences, I've come to further realize I'm not capable of being anything more than someone another person can have fun with, at least for now. No heavy or heady conversation; only capable of hanging out and having light hearted fun. Hey, Peggy Sue got married ...

I'm just 1.5 years out of a 7 year relationship. Another serious relationship is asking too much of myself at present. I will say one thing about being with one person for a number of years, it certainly heightens one's awareness of what one wants and doesn't want out of a relationship and a partner. I can see it all from a bird's eye view now. Not that I won't ever get serious with anyone else again, it just has to be with the right guy who I have the right chemistry and dynamic with. It's kind of one of those I'll know it when I see it sort of things ...

Anyway, I told Ben he needn't be sorry, that it is all water under the bridge. It's a new year full of new beginnings. Moving forward means letting go of that which holds us back from realizing our full potential. I think he appreciated that, and I very much appreciated Ben's drive to bring peace to the conclusion of our relationship as it previously existed for a short time before transforming into something new, hopefully a friendship.

My intuition tells me to give this guy another five years to roll through life and he'll surely be husband material. Perhaps not my husband, but I have every confidence he'll bring much joy and happiness to someone he truly loves and someone who truly loves him.

Also had an opportunity to connect with an ol' buddy of mine who is the executive chef at Cactus. When the waiter first approached, I asked whether he was working and to please discourage him from jacking off in my burrito. The waiter asked whether we were friends, and I told him I'd admit to it. Then he asked for my name and told me he'd let the chef know I was in. A few minutes later, out he came with a bright smile on his face.

My friend actually went to high school with my first boyfriend back in San Luis Obispo, CA (this is actually the first website I wrote content for, and much of it still lives on!).

Anyway, as it turns out, he may be soon in need of my professional services. I love how things come together organically like that.

I had the pulled pork torta, which was one of the Friday specials. Oh, it was SO good! Very comforting, kind of like a Spanish-influenced sloppy joe on warm corn bread, mmm ... The waiter assured me my torta was spunk free, and the bus boy confirmed this as well. Apparently this request for the chef to not jack off on my food was entered onto the ticket. Hey, now that's service!

After lunch, Ben and I walked back to our cars together for a hug goodbye. It really was a nice meeting. I didn't feel any awkwardness or unneeded pressure. Just two people who enjoy one another getting together and then parting ways. If only every human interaction could be that simple. (Heavy sigh ...)