Day Five

I had counseling Wednesday afternoon. Slept alright the night before. Awoken intermittently between really stormy weather and our dog, who was freaking out about it. At one point she leapt over to me from my husband's side of the bed. I wasn't sure what she wanted. I put her down on the floor thinking she may have just wanted water. She wanted back up. Then she curled up under my chin as I was laying on my side. I think she just wanted to be with someone for protection. Super sweet and cute!

During the session I brought some new thinking into our conversation. I know my husband is coping with my crud as best he can. So I've moved myself into allowance. Allowing him to think and feel what he needs to. Allowing myself to be a source of his frustration and stress and disappointment. Not that I'm happy about that or want to be causing him any strife. It's just allowing what is to be, and finding a way to make peace with it.

Had a bit of a throat reaction on my drive from home to my counseling appointment. That's always unnerving. Being in the car, driving on the freeway, feeling like my swallowing and breathing are compromised. Having the thought, what if it worsens? What's my contingency plan?!

Talked through that one quite a bit with my counselor. They asked if there are some question I could ask of my practioner(s) that may help put my mind at ease.

After counseling I had one more lab to complete, a tick-borne co-infection panel. This had to be drawn at a hospital as it's a specialized lab that gets sent to Palo Alto to process.

The hospital failed to look at the back side of my lab order, said the order was unmarked. They called my ordering physician, who is off on Wednesdays. The hospital also accidentally sealed my postage prepaid Fed/Ex bag. The word "fuck" leapt out of my mouth in a most disappointed tone. This means I would have to return to the hospital, downtown, another day. They also made me register in the lobby, which I did on my way out.

Turns out they had me on file already. The gal at the front desk, who is physically disabled, was the most endearing person I've encountered in a while. She was so kind and compassionate. She read my address and phone number they had on file. Turns out their information was at least 23 years old.

As a kid I was a patient at the Issaquah Clinic in my hometown. The hospital bought the clinic before I finished high school, a time when I was briefly living with my beloved and now dearly departed grandma. They had her info. on file, I think even her as my guarantor for being a minor.

Then the sweet gal says, "Oh, I know it has been a number of years since you've last updated your patient information. I am really sorry if this person is no longer with us. As your emergency contact I show Sally Rosauer."

I made a huge grin and said, "Ha! True story. Sally was almost nearly not with us. She had a double lung transplant at the beginning of the year at UW Medical Center. Miraculously she's doing really well today."

Sally's one of my mom's BFFs. She was like a second mom to me growing up. Really funny lady. Love her.

So back out into the cold and rain I went from the lab. Traffic was snarled, gridlocked. It took me at least 20 minutes to drive less than 10 blocks to the freeway entrance. Even on my usually sparse state route 509 there was heavy, slow moving traffic all the way home.

Overall I'm doing alright. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop with my wellness, so to speak. Another part of me is optimistic I'm going to continue doing alright until I eventually fully recover. Only time will tell.

We heal ourselves.